a detailed look at my day (boring, but real life)

5am - wake up
5:15 - dressed and ready to start my MM
5:45 - own it workout
6:45 - drive Katrina to early morning seminary
7:15 - family “Come Follow Me” study
7:30 - me eat breakfast, get kids ready to go to school
7:45 - Holly picked up kids for school
7:45 - I worked on props and printouts for Bryan’s First-Aid lesson that he needed to teach at scouts tonight  (we sort of forgot about it…)
8:30 - shower & got ready for work
9:15 - worked on music stuff for stake choir
9:30 - left for work
9:40 - WORK
1:40 - drove home
1:55 - spray paint the sticks for the scout centerpieces  (Each one had to be sprayed twice per side, as the first spray didn’t look dark enough or even..., in between spraying coats, I cooked the hamburger and made mashed potatoes, the put together shepherds pie for dinner, ate lunch, and sent a few emails.
3:30 - left to go pick up kids from after school robotics club
3:55  got home so Bryan could changed clothes & get props for his camp JJ interview/presentation.
4:00 - dropped off music to the stake choir pianist.  (Printouts of the changes in the music) then drove to the scout office in Orem
4:20 - Bryan interview to work at Camp JJ  (I sat on the floor in the hall and taped together the centerpiece things
4:40 -drove home
5:00 - ate dinner (Caleb had put the shepherds pie in the oven at 4:30.)
5:15 - left to drive to scouts (troop 707)
5:30 - Scout troop meeting  (It is a 10 minute drive away, so I usually take something to work on and stay there,  this also helps provide 2-deep leadership when another leader can't be there.  Today I finished up the signs for the centerpieces)
7:00 - scouts done, drove one of the other boys home, then came home
7:25 arrived home…  started helping boys with homework and wasting time on computer  (I’m calling it decompressing time)
8:15 started writing in my journal.
And now it is 8:30.  I am SO ready for bed!  I’m going to write in my “come Follow Me" journal about what i studied today, then I’m hoping to be in bed SOON.

It was a GOOD day.  I got a lot of things done that needed to be done.  Still have a long list of stuff for tomorrow and Saturday, but so far I’m keeping my head above water. 

1/30/2019

Well, I didn’t get to bed as early as I had hoped for, but I was in IN bed by 9:25 and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep before 10.  I had my phone by my bed and had left the sound on to notify me if I got any calls or texts.  I hadn’t seen Aaron ALL DAY, and had sent a text trying to find out where he was.  He did finally return my text at 9:47 - and I saw that come through…  so I know I I fell asleep after that.  Still don’t know what he was out doing, he just replied that “Ethan kidnapped me.”   I expect I’ll get the story today…  IF I see him.  Ethan leaves to serve a mission in New Zealand in about 12 days.  I wonder who Aaron will hang out with then.  I hope it is someone I can trust to encourage good standards…

Another full day ahead, but I am feeling like it’s nothing I can’t handle.  I GOT THIS!  I really need to sit down and plan out a menu.  I hate doing it, but it really does simplify my life once it is done.  I’m not exactly sure why it is so hard for me to DO….  probably a mental block as much as anything.  I’ve had a few ideas that might make it easier for me, maybe I’ll try a few and see if any of them make a positive difference.  I guess I could just go back to following the “Deals to meals plans.”  they tell me what to cook and unless it sounded yucky, i just made it.  I suppose that’s another option.

Life is good.  I am grateful!

Family Skiing

Guess what?  It is NOT morning!  I DID get up this morning, but it was an OWN IT work out day, and I had a really hard time getting moving, so all I had time for was a the first few parts of my MM.  (I did Prayer, Affirmations, visualization, and 10 minutes of spanish language lessons.  Now it is almost 8pm and I am so ready to go to bed!!!
I guess I need to think back TWO days…  Yesterday was Monday.  I have quite a few things going on this week and I was feeling pretty stressed out about everything I have to get done…  I was hoping to get a big jump on my to-do list on Monday evening.  Instead, Tim announced that he was going to take a ½ day offf work and take us all skiing.  I decided that I was going to stay home and get stuff done, since i don’t love skiing like the boys do.  That was my plan until after school when I talked to katrina, and she REALLY wanted me to come with her.  (She and I ski at about the same level & speed so we make good buddies)  I decided that I needed to follow my own affirmation and “invest time” in the relationships that matter so I went skiing!  We went up to Sundance and it was fun.  COLD, but fun. 

Uncle Mike met us up there and the boys LOVE skiing with him because he is crazy and fun - but also a good teacher to help them develop a few skills.  I skiied for about 2.5 hours then my feet couldn’t take it anymore.  I was ok when I was standing or skiing, but if I sat (like on a chairlift) I felt excruciating pain in my toes.  LIKE - SO SO SO BAD!!!  I thought I was going to die!  (not literally of course, but it was seriously painful.  I decided I was done, and returned all my ski gear and put on my regular boot.  My toes continued to hurt for at least another 30 - 45 minutes, but I just kept walking around to get the blood flowing.  Even this morning when I got up, my toes still hurt.  They weren’t cold anymore, but they were still sore.  They seem ok now.  My KNEES are still killing me though.  Apparently I use my knees too much as I turn or something.  Anyway - it was fun.  Katrina skied until about 8:15 when she was too cold to keep going.  The boys skied until the bitter end, ending their last run at about 9:10.  It took another 15 - 20 minutes before they had returned all the gear and we were on the road home.  We got home just after 10pm.

It was a fun family adventure.

Today was hard to wake up - and as I said, my knees hurt, but it’s been a good day.   Got in my workout, had a good day at work, got a good start on my decoration stuff for the troop 707 pancake breakfast on Saturday, and took care of some of the stuff i needed to do for stake music.  Even helped with homework and helped Caleb make dinner.  All in all, a good days work.  (still lots to do this week, but I am well on my way)

Now it is 8:30 and I think I’m going to wrap things up and go to bed early!!!

the best laid plans....

Wow - I’m freaking out just a little, January is almost over!  That is crazy to me.  (I will be glad to start a “february tab” and not have to scroll down so much.  I feel pretty confident when I say this is the most consistent journaling I have ever done in my life - Well, I  did an “ok” job on my mission, but even then, I missed too many days :(

So, Yesterday -  I know that in my entry, I listed out what the plan was supposed to look like.  I don’t think ONE thing went exactly as planned!  It was quite the day.  Not bad, per se, but really wonky and kept me off kilter all day.  I rolled with it, and everything got done, but it left me feeling exhausted and totally drained by then end of the day.  Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I kept letting these deep sigh-like breathes out.  Tim ask me what was wrong - nothing was wrong, I was just trying to release/relax my body - I felt so tightly wound and just couldn’t unwind.  I was super tempted to turn off my alarm and not get up today - but NO!  I must finish strong.  (and I’ll be honest, I have a busy enough week coming up that I need every ounce of help I can get it all done!

Stake Family Choir rehearsal was a bit chaotic…  I don’t recall if I already wrote about this, but the stake presidency wanted us to incorporate the congregation in the last hymn.  It LOOKED like an easy fix, vocally it seemed like an easy fix - but when we actually tried singing it, people were confused, the accompaniment didn’t work with it, it was just a bit crazy.  Sister McLaughlin, Sister Gilbert, and Brother and Sister Cook stayed after practice for an extra 20 - 25 minutes and we finally figured it out.  Brother Cook has a software program to write music and he is going to write out the changes and print them so that the choir members can just read the music like normal, instead of having to remember what they skip, where they jump back to, etc..  Hopefully we didn’t scare anyone off and we will be able to pull it all together next Sunday.  (our final practice before Stake Conference.)

3 full weeks!

Wow - Counting my start day at Jan 6th, I have done my new schedule for 3 full weeks!  I am proud of myself!

I tried an (unplanned) experiment last night.  My fitbit needed to be charged, so when I went to bed I left it charging, and just figured I’d wake up whenever I woke up.  (We do have morning church, but Tim has a 7:30 meeting, so I knew that if I slept too late - he’d wake me up before he left.)  I woke up at 4:30.  Went back to sleep.   4:45.  Back to sleep.  5:15.  Got up.  I guess my body is adjusting to this new schedule or something.

Today we have church from 9 - 11.  I am helping the 14th ward with a YW song practice from 11 - 11:25.  We have ward choir practice from 11 - 12.  Sometime around 1:30 mom and Dad Fugal will be driving up to participate in Caleb being conferred the priesthood and ordained a deacon - and Bryan will be ordained to the office of a teacher.  Then we have stake family choir tonight from 6 - 6:45, then a youth fireside at 7.  (Kick off the new year type of fireside.)   So another pretty full day.  I’m sort of supposed to attend the 8th ward’s ward conference today but I haven’t decided yet if I am going to go.  I really don’t see much purpose in me being there.  I Don’t DO anything.  I just show up, then I leave.  I do get to see people from the other wards who don’t often get to see, but I’m not sure I’m in the mood today to go.  It is also at 9 - so I’d miss our sacrament meeting to go…  I don’t know.  I’ll think about it.

Yesterday was a pretty good day - but It ended up a little rough.  I got up and did (most of) my MM stuff, then did Bountiful baskets.  Went straight from there to OWN IT workout, getting home at about 9:15.  Ate breakfast, then hurried and showered and got ready to take some youth to the temple.  Katrina set up the trip, but she didn’t actually go - she went to the temple in earlier in the morning with some of her school friends.  We actually just missed them.  They left the temple at about 11:30, and that is when I was picking up thekids here to GO.  Anyway - while I showered, Tim and the boys went up to the woolfs for a Pancake Breakfast fundraiser.  They are trying to earn money for Ashley to go to China with President brayton’s company to teach English.
HE took them straight from there to the Stake Center for their basketball game.  (it is church ball season…  they have a game basically every weeks for the next 6 weeks or so)  After I had showered and gotten ready fro the temple, I drove over to watch their game and cheer for them. 
Now, to be real, my boys don’t play basketball.  Seriously, They don’t know how.  We aren’t really a sports family.  The extent of their knowledge about basketball would be what they have picked up in PE class or at school.  Our ward only had 6 boys there, 3 of whom really don’t play ball.  (Bryan, Caleb, and Daniel M.)  The other 3 boys were Eli, Christian, & Austin.  THOSE boys are really GOOD!  Basically, the 4 older boys stayed in the whole game, and Caleb & Daniel took turns swapping in and out.  The 14th ward had 14  boys there to play, and you could tell by their warm ups that they took basketball seriously.  I was pretty sure we were going to be blown out of the water.  Imagine my surprise when we won!  I was proud of our boys.  I was grateful that although my boys were not really a HELP to the team, the 3 “good players” weren’t rude or mean to them.  True, they didn’t pass a whole lot to them either, but they did try to pass it to them on occasion, and IF they actually caught the pass, my boys would just pass it right back.  I’m thinking we should take the boys over to the church a few times over the next few weeks and try to help them build a little confidence and at least a few basic skills.  Like how to dribble and pass the ball.  That would be helpful!

Anyway - the game went 20 minutes over, and as soon as it was done, I grabbed the boys and we ran.  I got home at 11:24, and was supposed to be leaving to pick up people at 11:25…  It was too late for Bryan to shower and come with us, so he didn’t come.  I picked up the Goodwin girls, Gordon, Beth, and Christie.  We went to the Provo City Center temple.  It was a full session - but we got there in time.

By the time I got home about 2:45, I just felt DONE.  Like I had already had a full day, yet I hadn’t done anything at home yet.  Katrina was having her friends over at 5 to bake cupcakes for JJ’s birthday (JJ Smith) and then watch a movie…  so we had to at least clean up the kitchen.  For whatever reason, my mood kind of tanked…  Oh well.  Today is a NEW DAY!

Good morning!  Another week is in the history books. It was a good day at work yesterday.  I signed my letter of intent, meaning I intend to return to work at Reagan again next year.  It was interesting to me how hard it was mentally for me to have to sign that.  It surprise me, because I really do love my job.  I love the 3rd grade team I work with and love the kids.  (of course, I’ll have a new group of kids next year, but I have no reason to doubt that I’ll love them too…) I love the purpose I feel.   It helps keep my depression lower as I am forced to get up and leave the house everyday.  I love the external validation I get on a daily basis.  I enjoy that it earns me spending money - so I am able to do "extra things" (like get a massage every month, pay for my workouts with Own IT, and pay Teresa to come help me clean once a week)  All of these are reasons why it should be a no brainer that I will keep working... but for some reason, the idea of committing a “whole year” of my life felt heavy.  Almost anxiety inducing.  It was strange.  With a reminder and prodding from Marie (one of the recess aides) I signed it and turned it in.  Once I had it signed, the heavy feeling was gone and I felt fine about it.  It was just weird.  I guess I really just don't to commit myself to things...

Tim & I went out to dinner last night for date night.  (The Red Deli)  It’s a sandwich place in Provo that I had never heard of.  Tim is trying to clean out and get rid off some stuff, and he sold them all of our Wii stuff.  We did not a a full working set, but had enough they thought they could get a working set up and running.  Instead of giving him the $125 - $150 he was asking, they paid him with a $250 gift card.  So - that is where we went. :)  The food was good.  I had tomato/pumpkin soup ( A unique flavor, but good) and a grilled cheese sandwich.

Today is looking to be a busy day.  Ready. Set. GO!

finishing my Miracle Morning at NIGHT... :)

I DID get up this morning, and got the first 4 parts of my MM completed, then went off to my workout, but when I got home, it was time to drive Katrina to Early Morning seminary, then when I got home, it was time for family scripture study... then sent the boys and Tim off to work and school, and at that point, I should have done my journal and personal study, but I got busy dealing with stake choir stuff instead.  At this point, it looks like we might be changing the order of the two songs we selected, and adapting the song “A Child’s Prayer just enough that the congregation can sing it with us.  It won’t be the “same,”  but I think it will be ok.   Now just waiting for final approval of that plan…

Today was a good, BUSY day.  Work went well, I still feel like I have a little less patience with a few of the kids than I used to.  One of the boys used to be so respectful…  lately he’s been pretty unruly, talking out, being disruptive, etc…  I’m cutting him some slack because a couple weeks ago his uncle (a police officer here in Utah County, was shot and killed in the line of duty.  Who knows what emotions he’s dealing with and how his particular coping strategy might be coming into play…

The boys, Bryan & Caleb had their first after school “robotics” class today.  They came home reporting that it was cool.  Bryan enjoyed it way better, because he liked the person he got paired with.  Caleb came home angry and frustrated because he got paired with a boy who can be a challenge.  He already knows everything, wouldn’t listen to Caleb, wouldn’t let Caleb help, wasn’t following the instructions and then got mad when he did something wrong and it didn’t work right, etc…  I'm hoping it gets better.  I want this to be a good experience fro Caleb too!  I contacted a merit badge counselor and it looks like most of the requirements will be covered with this class, so I’m feeling great about this class being FUN and helping them get another merit badge.

We had scouts tonight with troop 707.  They are still working on building the Klondike sled, but the rules to safe scouting prohibit the boys from using any power tools, so only Brother Oldryod could drill the holes and screw things in.  The boys helped some at the beginning, measuring and marking things, but then there was not much for them to do.  I worked with Caleb (and any other boys who wanted to) and we got a few more rank advancement things passed off.

Aaron is down in Moab tonight (at least, that’s where we think he is and where he is supposed to be…)  He was gone when I got home at 6:30 this morning, and we haven’t seen him or heard from him all day, so hopefully he is down there safe and sound.  They are doing so prep work for this summer down at camp.  He drove himself down because he committed to go down, before he realized that he was also committed to attend his next “impact training” retreat this weekend.

I think that’s enough for tonight.  I’ll sign off and do a quick personal study. To complete my day :)

DAY 18

Good morning.  I actually woke up a few minutes before my alarm went off, so at 5 when my watch started vibrating, I just quickly turned it off.  Then almost as instantly, fell back asleep!  Luckily, I woke up not long after and got up by 5:20.

I wonder if this “scribe” (or journaling for me) exercise each morning is supposed to be more than just writing down what I did…  Maybe I should relisten to that section of the book.  I remember him (the author) talking about how at the end of the year (or any given period of time, I guess) He would go back and read all that he had written, and just be amazed at the growth.  I guess I’m worried that I am just going to see myself plodding along, day after day and not see much of anything.  I supposed I am worrying for nothing - I am sure there will be growth…  and let’s be honest, I know I need to keep a journal.  I’ve been trying off and on over the years to do it, so anything I am doing is better than what I WAS doing.  (which was nothing.)

As part of my “visualization” time this morning, I re-read my patriarchal blessing.  Nothing totally JUMPED out at me, but I think I need to take time to listen to & study the recent conference talks about how to receive and respond to personal revelation.  I feel that I have so much more capacity then I am currently harnessing. When it comes to turning  to the Lord in prayer and feeling confident in receiving and recognizing answers…

Yesterday was a good day…  well, not really - we went to the dentist and that always ruins my day.  Not bashing on our dentist - I like HIM.  He is nice and seems to be good at what he does - I just have the weakest teeth ever! (and apparently I passed them down to poor Katrina) so no matter how hard I try to take of them, I always end up with cavities.  Katrina and I will be going back on Feb 6 to get our respective cavities taken care of.  In my defense, mine isn’t even a new cavity.  One of my old fillings is breaking down and has a little hole in it…  That’s been the story of my last several trips to the dentist.  Old fillings that are falling apart.  ARGH!  When we finally got home at 5, I was in no mood to cook, so we had pizza for dinner, and had a family movie night.

I suppose the final thing I will write about is Caleb.  I am concerned for him.  He is so angry all of the time.  And really, it seems to be for no good reason…  He has pretty serious anxiety too.  I am not sure how to help him.

Progress - not finish line

I’m losing track of what day I’m on.  I have to scroll back…  ok, it says today is day 17 :)

Yesterday was Martin Luther King (jr) day, so no school for the kids and no work for me.  (Tim worked from home since there was a big winter storm that hit.  Driving to and fro the temple was a bit of an adventure - did some sliding for sure.  :) 

Didn’t DO a whole lot yesterday.  After the temple trip (which took over 3 hours because the baptistry was SUPER busy)  we ate lunch, then Bryan went off to go sledding with friends (didn’t come back until like 5:00pm)  Katrina also disappeared soon after, headed up the Goodwins for a movie party with her group.   I did get the kitchen cleaned up and made taco soup for dinner.  Also spent time working on music for stake conference and working on scout planning with Bryan and Caleb.  (trying to figure out which merit badges to have them sign up to work on at their two summer camps and powwow.)

Apparently Aaron is now done with working at Denny’s.  He got home yesterday at 3 am, and that was his last shift.  He slept some, then cleaned out the fish tank for me, then spend the evening hanging out with Ethan.  I wish I know what was going on in that boys head…  but I don’t dare ask - for fear that if he is going a direction that I want him to go, and I act pleased about it, he’ll turn and run the other way.   

Today is the much dreaded dentist appointment for me and the 3 younger kids.  I sure wish my teeth were made of stronger stuff - And I wish Katrina had inherited Tim’s strong teeth instead of my weak ones…  She and I brush WAY better than the boys, but they never have cavities and we always do!  Just isn’t very fair!

I had a thought today that I liked.  It was the idea that I need to celebrate the PROGRESS I am making, because when talking about personal growth/improvement, there is no finish line.  So today I celebrate that for over 2 weeks, I have gotten up early every day.  I have studied my spanish everyday.  I have studied the gospel every day.  I have said my prayers every day.  I have been writing and saying and thinking positive affirmations every day.  That is good for me.  I can see that it is good.  It is hard for me to say that I see “progress,”  But really, this IS progress for me.  I have taken 17 baby steps to developing greater self control and discipline.  That is 17 steps of progress, right?

MONDAY - welcome to another new week

I’ve been doing the miracle morning for 16 days.  (more or less, certainly haven’t done the 10 minutes exercise portion for 16 days in a row... but have been to every own it work out since I started…)  Today is my friend DeDe’s DAY 1.  GO DeDe!!!!

Yesterday was a good day.  Nejad Arshad is home from his mission to Argentina, and he gave his misison report yesterday.  It is always fun for me to see how much they have grown through their mission experiences.   It is also also great to see the former ward members that come back to welcome them home.  Ends up feeling a little like a big “ward family” reunion.

After church, we were supposed to have “Aunt Kathy” and cousin Christina over for lunch and a visit.  Christina ended up needed to cancel, then Kathy begged off as she was feeling run down and needing rest more than visiting.  It ended up being a blessing for me, as it opened up my afternoon to taking care of other things.  I took Carter & Bryan over to a Merit Badge counselor’s home to pass off their scholarship merit badge (FINALLY!)  Bryan has been “done” with the work since the end of September, but first we were waiting for other boys to finish, then we had a hard time working it into the schedule, as the the boys both got busy with the school play, then the holidays, plus the MB counselor travels all the time for his work…  Anyway, we went over to meet with him.  Ended up being a 2 hour visit.  He talked and talked with the boys.  It was a long time, but I thought it was good.  As we left, Carter said, “I actually really enjoyed that.”  He talked with them about the difference between getting “good grades” and actually getting an education.  He talked to them about the importance of loving learning - and being life-long learners.  About THINKING, not just giving the expected answers.  It wouldn’t have been 2 hours, except Carter had a partial Merit Badge for Citizenship in the Nation from a BYU PowWow, and this guy (Don Pendleton) is also a MB counselor for that one.  So roughly the first hour was talking about scholarship, the second hour about citizenship in the Nation.  Brother Pendleton has a great understanding and love for our country and it was a great discussion for the boys.

After that, I did some prep work with the music, then we had stake choir at 6pm.  It was our first rehearsal and I think it went well.  We have people committed from every ward except one.  We are also lacking representation from the singles in our stake.  It is a difficult spot, as it is the stake “family choir” but I firmly believe a single person is still a “family unit” in the eyes of the church and we want them there.  I’m just not sure how to go about getting them there, and not offending them in the process of pouring salt on a wound that is already burning.

After stake choir, I was gathering up all the music and stuff after everyone left, a group of young women from the Spanish ward came in to practice/learn a song they are going to sing in church in 2 weeks.  It was a song none of them had heard before, but one that I had sung before, so sister Silveira asked me to stay and help them.  I did and it was fun.  I LOVE to sing.  I love the spirit that comes through music.

Today is Martin Luther King day.  Actually, maybe the real name now is "Civil Rights Day" or something like that...  I don't  know.  either way, we don't have school.  :)  I'll be going to the temple this morning with Katrina, Bryan and a few of the other youth.  (They'll do baptisms, I'll do an endowment session.)  Don't have anything else specific planned, but I might check and see if the acupuncture clinic is open today and get in there.  I'm hoping that acupuncture can help with my shoulder pain and lack of range of motion, but it is over in Orem, and is at least an hour time commitment, and I just don't always seem to make the time to get over there.  Hopefully today...

Day 15

I’m up!  Happy Sabbath!  (got up at 6 instead of 5, but it was on purpose  :)

Yesterday was a good day.  I think probably the highlight of my day came while I was our running around trying to get music purchased and copied in preparation for our stake choir rehearsal tonight.  I can’t recall if I’ve written about this yet, and I’m not going to scroll back to find out, so here’s the abbreviated version:  We have stake conference in 3 weeks, and we have yet to get direction regarding music from the area authority who is presiding at that meeting.  Last Sunday we decided that we have to at least move forward and start preparing something.  I felt good about asking Sister McLaughlin to direct a choir, and together we came up with the idea of putting together a “family choir.”  We chose two songs, both of which our ward choir sang while Rebecca was the director.  The first is a beautiful SATB arrangement of “A Child’s Prayer”  and the second is called “Testimony,” which is a combination of “I Believe in Christ” & “I am a Child of God.”  I spent a bunch of time this week reaching out to specific families from each ward in the stake, inviting them to participate in the choir.   (That’s been a little frustrating, as many of them have not responded to let me know of their intentions, and I have NO IDEA what kind of numbers we are going to have tonight, or if I need to find other people to represent that ward, or what???

 ANYWAY….  Back to my original point...

As I was driving around, I was singing the songs for conference, over and over, and I had a very strong spiritual confirmation that this IS what Heavenly Father wants for this conference.  I had just sung the chorus of I am a child of God, “Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.  Teach me all that I must do, to live with him someday.” I felt it so clearly and powerfully,  It is is time for FAMILIES to step up.  They have to, or these last days will be too difficult and will pull them apart.  Regardless of what any given family unit may look like, it is time for individuals to step up and take responsibility for the building and strengthening of personal testimony.  Parents must teach their children.  Singles, couples without children, and empty nesters must all take responsibility to ensure that they are continually becoming more like the Savior each day.   I reconfirmed all of the things I’ve been thinking and feeling as we’ve been doing our best to implement the new Come Follow Me curriculum in our home.

Another busy day ahead - but I it is going to be a good one!

Day 14.

I’m up and ready for a great day.  It’s going to be a busy one.  Lots of things planned, and having “Aunt” Kathy & “cousin” Christina over for lunch tomorrow (Kathy is visiting from California) mean I need to get the houses cleaned up and go shopping as well.

Yesterday was  good day.  I had a good day at work, then after school I helped Bryan and his two partners work on preparing their science fair board for the upcoming district fair.  (They won the “Grand prize” at the school level, so they advanced to the district, but we wanted to fine tune their board so it was better worded, more conscience and clear about what they were doing.)  It took a couple hours, but I think we made some good improvements.  It is so interesting to watch Bryan with his friends.  He is such a kind hearted boy - with some serious quirks in his mannerisms.  He really has no concept of personal space.  His love language is definitely TOUCH.  I am grateful he is well liked at school and people (students and teachers alike) have come to understand his quirks and they just accept and love him as his is.  (for the most part :)  At some point I hope he starts to pick up a little on social cues a bit more as far as they relate to personal space and how to not touch everyone and everything.

The boys went to Daniel M’s birthday party, Aaron was at work (still working at Denny’s, but only for 4 more days…  he’s struggling with the new management and gave his notice.)  Katrina Tim & I just had a quiet night at home.

It's Friday!!!

  Good morning - I am up!  (going to make sure I do the exercise portion today - that’s the one I’ve been letting slide.)  Since i ended up journaling at the end of the day, I already wrote all about what I did yesterday…

One of the great things about having a job outside the home, is that I really look forward to and LOVE when it's FRIDAY.  you can love your work, and still really look forward to time off.  It's not like the weekends are any less busy than the weekdays (that just depends on the day) but it is nice to have a change of schedule - a different kind of busy.

I guess I can write this - my friend DeDe finished reading the Miracle Morning, and she is going to give it a try!  She’ll be starting her 30 day challenge on Monday and I am her accountability partner.  (she is one of the most “anti-morning” people I know, so I am excited to see what this experience is like for her.)

It's going to be a great day!

Day 11 - (and almost 12)

So, I DID get up this morning, a little slower than intended, but I got up.  (It was an "Own It" day, which meant I have to be down at "the shop" (the warehouse type things where we workout) by 5:45.  I kind of woke up at 5:00, but didn't get up until 5:10, so didn't start my MM until 5:15 - 5:20.  I got a few things done, then headed off to workout.  (that does count as my exercise, it's just a lot more than the designated 10 minutes.

After workout I drove Katrina to Early morning seminary, then when I got back it was time for family "come follow me" study...  got the kids out the door, took care of some emails for my stake music chairman calling, then jumped int he shower to get ready for work.

Just SO MUCH going on... ALL THE TIME!

Worked, then spent 30 minutes brushing up on my scouting knowledge before heading over to the 6th ward cubmaster's house to help him with some questions he had about scoutbook and registering new boys.  The funny thin is, we were both so worried about "looking really dumb" in front of the other, we both spent time trying to figure stuff out and be prepared.  By the time I got there to help - he had basically figured a lot of it out.  I was able to show him one thing he didn't know yet on scoutbook, and he showed me one thing I had never done as far as registering boys online, and we had a few laughs.  It was good.

From there, I went home, ate some food (i don't typically eat lunch at school), then remembered that today was the stake blood drive.  I didn't have an appointment, and last time I went it took TWO HOURS!, but this time there was no wait - I had a great technician, and I got in and out in about 35 minutes, just in time to go pick up the boys and get them to scouts on time.  (Community troop)  hey were still working on building their sled for the upcoming klondike, and there was a lot of down time since there was only one hand saw and the boys are not super fast at cutting with it.  Since there WAS a lot of downtime, we had brought rope and our "knot" book, so I helped Caleb and another new boy learn some knots and they got them passed off.  Felt good to get it done.  I think next week I will take the stuff needed to pass off his last two requirements - then he can advance to the "scout rank."

All in all - a good day.  SO technically - that was TODAY'S report, day 11.  What did I do yesterday>  to be honest, it is hard to remember...

yesterday - I did wake up ...  I did my Miracle Morning stuff...ummmm...  worked on (and made a little bit of progress) on stake choir stuff?   helped Bryan make dinner as an assignment for life skills.  (had him make Spaghetti squash boats)  they turned out pretty good.  Tim, Katrina, Bryan & I all liked them.  Caleb tried one bite and said it was like eating slimy brains...  We had to send in the recipe and pictures for him to get credit for the assignment.  Sorry - lame recap of day 9, I just really can't remember many details!

Day 10, rebounding from yesterday

Wow.  was hard to wake up today.  (when my wrist alarm went off, I was apparently in the middle of a dream, and I couldn’t get out of it.  Finally actually got up at 5:20, or was it 5:25?  Can’t remember now.

Yesterday was another funky day.  I was fine all morning and throughout my work shift.  Then I came home and things sort of fell apart on me.  I had intended to use my hour of “free time” before going back to pick up the kids to get some housework done.  Then when I got home I ate lunch and started watching TV instead.  I was feeling super tired, but didn’t want to give in to taking a nap (Maybe that would have been the better choice, I don’t know)  I think I ended up being disappointed in myself, and I let it spiral or something, because I felt )(and acted) completed BLAH the rest of the evening.  Didn’t want to make dinner…  didn’t want to interact with my children…  didn’t want to do anything. 
I did make dinner (just pulling some stuff out of the freezer, but I did FEED people :)  Then after dinner I did run over to walmart to pick up the supplies I need for a project I want to do for Miss Russon’s math class.  (We do multiplication facts practice each day, and I time the kids as they fill out these sheets of 25 multiplication or division facts.  Some of them are so much faster than others, that they end up waiting a lot for the slower kids.  I bought some paper folders and sheet protectors, so I can create a book where I will give everyone a longer amount of time and just let them go and go…  see how much they can do in 10 minutes, or that kind of thing.  I’m hoping to put them together today and give it a try.  See if I like it better and how the kids like it.

I was trying to figure out what my brain was going through - why it dropped so suddenly.  I was having all kinds of thoughts.  One that kept popping up was circling the idea of high expectations.  I really like to be viewed as “super woman.” The one who can get anything done, efficient, cheerful, smart, can handle anything that gets thrown her way… etc”  I have create that persona for myself at work, and I enjoy being “that” person.  I love knowing they can depend on me and that I am a useful member of the team…  but the more “super” I am, the more “super” I have to be.  The expectation gets higher and I start to feel the pressure of it all.  What happens when I hit my breaking point and can’t be super any more?

I think I do the reverse at home.  I don’t want people to expect me to be super - so I do nothing…  or I set goals to be a really productive and great  wife/mother, and I just set the bar too high and I can’t sustain it.  I seriously need to figure out where and how  to find some middle ground.  I need to identify how to be my “best self” - without putting pressure on myself that makes me shut down.  Maybe I will work on an affirmation for that.

MM day 9 - plus Strep or no strep... that is the question

 I’m up  :)  (up and ready by 5:15...  thinking I should be a little faster at this....)

It’s an Own It workout day, so I’m doing just 5 minutes each, and will have to finish after I get home from workout & driving Katrina to Early morning seminary, but I’m up.)  Just for information sake, Own It Fitness is the name of the company I work out with.  My neighbor is a personal trainer, and I am a part of his group.  We work out Tues, Thurs, & Sat.  (wednesday afternoon workouts are available too, but I am rarely open for them.  In the summer months he often offers a wed morning workout, and i used to try to go to those.)

Yesterday was pretty standard. (by which I mean I went to work, came home, did some basic cleaning.  Picked up kids from school, did some basic cleaning. Was super tired, so I took an hour nap.  Went with Katrina back over to school at 6 so she could participate in the school open house.  It was not well advertised and they had really low turnout - and the “Student Showcase” was incredibly disorganized, but Katrina did GREAT.  (and yes, I know I’m prejudice….  But she DID do a great job!)  She played her guitar and sang the song, “The Call.”  (I used my phone to record it, but the sound quality isn't great - not a great sound system to begin with, plus it is a "open house," so there are people talking in the background, but I still think she is amazing!)  **  I've tried 3 times to upload the video, but it isn't working.  Posting as is, and will ask Tim to help me tonight or tomorrow**

We got home about 8 and were going to sit down for FHE to introduce the Come Follow Me topic for the week, but then I ended up taking Caleb to the instacare instead.  He had a sore throat and was running a fever, and with all the strep and other stuff going around, I wanted to have him checked out.  The swab test for strep came back negative, but his throat looked awfully suspicious, so they sent it in for a culture test to double check.

Time for me to be gone...

Day 8 - Happy (busy) Sabbath

I’m ready for a great new week!  

Not going to lie, it was tough to get up this morning, but I’m up.  (from about 3:30 am, I kept waking up.  I’d check the clock, see it wasn’t 5 yet, and go back to sleep…  that meant that when it finally WAS 5am, I was not feeling super rested and did not want to get out of bed.  I finally reluctantly rolled out of bed at about 5:15.)

Yesterday was a good day.  I got the kids and I to church pretty close to 8:30, so they could all help set up chairs.  As I was sitting there waiting for the meeting to start, I heard that they had made changes to ministering routes and tried to look mine up.  I did not have my phone with me, so I was using my computer.  Couldn’t find what I was looking for, but found a page I had never seen before that said it that the 6th ward “Ward Conference” was scheduled for that day, at 9am.  In my capacity as Stake Music Chairman, I am encouraged to attend each ward conference.  I hurried and left MY building and went over to attend that meeting instead.  (This meant I missed Cat Herrera’s mission report, which I feel bad about, but I believe I was where I was supposed to be so it’s all good.)

Then I hurried back to our building, where Tim & I attended class with Caleb.  They were having the “Priesthood and Temple preparation” class for those youth turning 12 this year.  (Used to be called Priesthood preview and was just for the boys, now it is about both the priesthood and the temple and is for all of them, boys and girls)  It’s exciting, and a little strange, to think that in as little as a week or so, Caleb will be able to attend the temple with the other kids.  I hope that someday soon, Aaron will have the desire to return to the temple, and we can all be there together.  My favorite thought from the meeting was when Sister Goodwin shared an insight she had had while preparing her message.  She was thinking about how great it is that there are SO many more temples throughout the world.  They are so much more accessible.  And now they are accessible to the youth at a younger age…  Then she had the thought that there is good reason for this.  The world we live in is increasingly wicked and challenging.  We all - especially these vulnerable youth - NEED the refuge and protect that the temple offers.  That is so true.  For youth and adults.  We NEED to be in the temple often, to keep ourselves centered and our focus clear.  We need the protection and peace that the temple provides.  

After church, I drove the kids home and dropped them off, then went back over to church to attend the 14th (Spanish) ward.   There is a young lady in that ward named Luz Kaouk.  She spoke in church today and will be leaving for the MTC on Wednesday.  (She will be serving a mission in Japan.)  I just love that girl!  I first met her when she was about 8 years old.  She sang in the children's choir that I was asked to direct for stake conference.  I met her way back then, and I have loved her ever since.  I am pretty sure she was in every youth choir I ever helped put together, she often sang in the stake choir, and I would see her periodically at stake functions or as we randomly crossed paths in the building...  that was it.  But every time she saw me she'd smile her beautiful smile, and excitedly say hello and give me hug.  The name Luz means light in Spanish, and there is no more fitting name for that girl.  She exudes light and love and goodness.  She exemplifies JOY.  She will be a wonderful missionary, because she cares more about the people around her than she cares about herself.  People will WANT to know what she believes because they will be able to SEE that she has a light and a joy that they are missing.  

After that meeting, I went home and got dinner prepped and in the oven (made a beef stew that would take 5+ hours to cook), then at 2:00 we headed over to Highland to be there for Landon’s priesthood ordination.  (Landon is my 11 year old nephew, two months older than Caleb) We visited there for a little while, then back over home by 4:30 so I could turn around and attend a scout committee meeting.  We went through each of the boys in the troop to check their progress, see what they need to do to advance, and what we needed to sign them up for at the upcoming powwow and summer camp.  This meeting went about 2 hours, but I think we have a pretty good handle on where each boy is and where to go from here.

I got home about 6:30, we ate dinner, had our family “Come Follow Me” discussion, then I worked on some music stuff for upcoming stake conference.  Sent everyone else to bed, then I sent out a mass email to my missionary email list.  I didn’t get to bed early, but was in bed soon after 10pm.

That was my day.  Not “Relaxing” at all,  but a good day.  No big plans this week, but will be working to get music plans set and in motion for the upcoming stake conference.  

One week - Day 7

Well, it’s been a full week (plus 2) since this miracle morning adventure began.  I did miss the 2nd day, so now I'm not sure how to count them...  But I hadn't really mentally committed to it yet... So I don't feel bad about it.  Now I AM committed to do the full 30 day challenge, so I think I'll count my official start date as a week ago and I will say I'm on Day 7

Let me start by jumping back.  I realize I never went back and filled in the missing piece that I couldn’t remember on that first day.  I’ve now learned the acronym to help me keep them all in my head.  They are the morning life S.A.V.E.R.S.

S - silence  (prayer, meditation, silence)
A - affirmations  (I’ve written 3 so far, for different aspects of my life)
V - visualize (i visualize my days events and how I want them to look and happen)
E - exercise (still haven’t fully implemented this facet yet)
R - read (this is my personal scripture study time)
S - scribe  (write/journal) 

I am also adding 10 minutes of duolingo Spanish lessons into my morning routine.  I set a goal last year to learn Spanish, and I did well for 9 months, but then in September I let myself get “too busy”  (more like too overwhelmed and depressed) and I stopped.  I still do want to learn to speak spanish, so I will just add that into MY miracle morning.  After all, that is what the author of the book did to begin with.  He picked the 6 things that he felt would make the most impact on his own personal improvement.

Review of how it’s going.  I think it is a good thing for me. Mornings are still a challenge.  (Didn’t get up on time this morning for example… ) but overall I have felt better about myself.  I have had way more productive days.  Yes, some afternoons I am tried and take a nap - but I was doing that before - and WASN’T getting up early and accomplishing the good things.  And I am still confident that my energy and stamina will increase as I get better at doing the 10 minutes of exercise EVERYDAY (instead of just my workouts on the “own it” mornings)  and really start embracing my health affirmation - which includes mindful eating and putting good foods into my body.

Speaking of affirmations - I'll post what I have so far.  This author teaches that affirmations are things that should always be in a flexible state.  We change them as our goals and dreams and abilities change so that they are always current and always filled with passion for what we truly desire.  I still plan to create affirmations for other facets of my life, but the thoughts I've had about them haven't felt right yet...  So these are my CURRENT personal affirmations:

Life:  “Everyday I am making the choices that bring me closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  With each choice, I am becoming more and more my best self - the person I was sent here to become.”

Physical: “I am blessed with an amazing physical body. I choose to honor my body by being mindful about the foods I eat and by getting movement and exercise each day. As I choose to keep my physical body healthy and strong, it supports me in all areas of my life.  I have the energy and physical ability to be my best self and to accomplish the things I came to Earth to accomplish.”

Emotional

Spiritual:  I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father.  He loves me, and I love him.  I will stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things and in all places.  I speak to my Father daily in prayer and I know that he is aware of me and that He has a plan for my happiness.  As I trust in God’s plan for me and center my life on the sure foundation of Jesus Christ, I feel PEACE in ALL THINGS and I have JOY in my journey.

Relationships:

Journal:

Because I split my journaling  into two times yesterday, I pretty much already wrote about what I did…  In the evening we had a family movie night, and watched National Treasure 2.  We’d all seen it before, but it’s a fun one.

1/12/2019

It’s a great morning. and it's going to be a great day! I wasn’t confident in my ability to get up this morning, as I was up pretty late last night, but with the "help" of Caleb’s alarm clock that went off at 4:59 (and took him a while to turn off) I was pretty wide awake when my fitbit silent alarm went off at 5:00.  I had left my silent alarm on, but had set my phone as a back up alarm that would give me an extra 30 minutes of sleep “just in case.”  But I was awake, so here I am :)

I'll start with a review of yesterday, it was a good day.  A little unusual at work, as I got caught up in concern for one of the 3rd graders.  It is the time of year when they are learning about biographies.  They are each to read a biography and then they dress up as that person and do a 5 minute, 1st person presentation about that person.  One of the boys (who has had a pretty rough life history and it shows in his behavior and interactions with others) announced that he loves the Nazi’s and his report was going to be on Hitler - because Hitler was awesome!  He has apparently been pretty fixated on Germans, Nazi’s, and Hitler.  THIS IS A CONCERN!  I don’t think any “good parent” wants their child to idolize Hitler or aspire to be like him.  I found out about it because poor Mrs Ormond was trying to figure out how to address it. How to write a letter to a parent saying, "you child's hero is the guy who murdered millions of innocent people."   How do you help the boy, etc…  I was trying to help.  It was interesting, but as I pondered the situation throughout the school day, after each subject I would wander back in and tell her, ok, don’t forget to include (or consider, or remove, or whatever) THIS.  (For example, the initial, knee jerk reaction is “this is not appropriate subject material for a 3rd grade biography presentation..”  but as I thought about it - we often have someone present on Anne Frank.  That’s the same subject matter (in general)  We have people do Nelson Mandela and talk about apartheid.  We have at least one Abraham Lincoln and we talk about slavery and the civil war.  We always have someone choose Martin Luther King.  The last couple of years we have had a Malala.  These historical figures all bring up difficult historical topics and events.  So it isn’t so much an issue that the TOPIC is not OK for kids to know about and discuss - it is the fact that we have a 9-10 year old boy who is idolizing a man who murdered millions of people because he thought he was better than them.  I ended up talking with the boy quite a bit, trying to figure out where his brain was coming from and what his fascination was.  I don’t know how much of what he said was accurate - because he has some mental delays and challenges too, and he is know to outright lie if it suits his purposes, but I was pretty direct with him about the horrible things Hitler did.  When I asked why he wanted to chose Hitler, he told me it was because Hitler had an awesome mustache.  So I suggested he present on Charlie Chaplin - he had the same mustache and made people laugh instead of killing them.    He was semi interested, but wanted to know if Chaplin was a German or a Nazi.  C- said that his Grandpa was a Nazi…  don’t know if this is true or not.  Maybe he is just trying to connect with family or heritage?   He told me he just really likes the word Nazi because it is fun to say.  We talked about how the word Nazi is NOT the same as German.  Nazi was the political party, just like we have republicans and democrats today, they had the “Nazi party” - it was just a name to say what their beliefs were, not what country they lived in.  We talked about Germans who knew that what Hitler was doing was wrong, and they found ways to fight against him (or resist by helping save Jews.)  By the end of the day, C was considering doing Oskar Schindler instead of Hitler…  (or someone else who resisted) I finished my day by giving my opinion to Mrs Ormond that she invite the parent to help "C" learn about the holocaust and Hitler, and have the mom help him identify someone who fought to do the RIGHT thing.  Still difficult subject matter, and heavy stuff for a 3rd grader, but it should be the parent navigating this topic - so that she can instill her values and her moral standards and perspective.
  
(wow, that went on longer than I anticipated…  sorry.  It was a pretty heavy topic and weighed pretty heavily on my mind all day.  You worry that this is “the kid” who is going to grow up to be the school shooter and people are going to look back and say “why didn’t you DO something about it?”  Well, I did all I could for that day, I think (I hope) I made a little headway in his thinking…  maybe??? and I will keep pondering it and keep trying to be an influence for good.  I’m hoping to compile a short list this weekend of possible people he could choose to learn about and represent...  Now it’s past time for me to be gone to bountiful baskets - I’m going to to be late.  I’ll finish my journaling and my MM later :)

I’m Back…  I’ve been to Bountiful baskets (a produce co-op I help run as a “site coordinator”)  I went straight from there to do my “Own It” workout.  Got home, ate breakfast & showered as quickly as I could - then went with a group of youth (plus adults Tim, DeDe & Christie) to the Provo Temple.  It was SO SO SO crowded!  Both parking lots were totally full, even the lot across the street to the West was completely full!  Once we had finally gotten upstairs, we found the chapel completely full, plus they were putting people in all the larger sealing rooms to wait.  It was going to be about 1.5 hour wait to get into a session - then you other 1.5 to complete the session.  Since we had the youth downstairs, one of whom had a meeting she needed to be home for by 1, plus DeDe and Christie both had afternoon things planned, we ended up going back downstairs and did initiatory instead.  I love being in the temple.  I love the peace it brings.

Now I am back home, have had my lunch, plan to finish my journaling, then get started on some housework.  I am a little tired and sort of wanting a nap. (in fact, I keep nodding off here while I'm attempting to proofread.  As I said earlier, I was up late, because I picked up Fred * Christie from the airport last night, (they just got home from a 10-day cruise) and it was after 11 when we got home.  It was just past midnight before I finally got to sleep.  I actually adjusted my wake up time by 40 minutes to give me a little extra time, but as I said, Caleb’s alarm woke me up pretty effectively, so I got up and got started on my MM.  I’ve had a good, positive, productive day - but I’m starting to feel that my eyes are tired. I think I’ll set a time limit for which I need to clean - to prepare the house for the Sabbath, then I’ll take a nap.

Last night,, Tim and I went out to the Olive Garden for a date night dinner.  I invited our friends Joey & DeDe Smith to come with us. (Double date)  I am grateful for good friends.  I got to know DeDe through our working together in primary - and got to know Joey through DeDe.  I have served in various presidencies in the church, and I have loved the people I have served with, but with most of them, I felt like we served together without really ever bonding as a close group of friends.  The two exceptions to that are the ladies I went to girls camp with my first year as Camp director, (Becky, Alisha, Heather, & I) and the ladies I served with in the primary presidency.  (I went through a lot of sisters in the various counselor positions, so I won't name them all, but I really built some amazing relationships with some incredible women.  All of these women are very dear to me - I still know I can call on any of them in a time of need, and if at all possible, they would do anything they could to help me out.  It is a great blessing in my life to have friends - and sisters - like that!

It’s FRIDAY!  Another week about done and another weekend up ahead.  I love my job - love the teachers and the kids that I get to work with, but I also love Fridays and enjoy WEEKENDS!  :)

Yesterday was a great day.  With the exception of one boy, who was absent, I was able to have positive interaction with all of the kids that I had “reproved with sharpness” on Wednesday, and that felt good.  I felt like I showed them (and helped them feel) that I love them and don’t hold anything against them.  I saw one of the girls talking and hanging out with the girl who just the very day before had been the target of her mean and horrible behavior.  I made sure I pulled her aside after recess and told her that it made me so happy to see that she was now being kind to Rozlyn, and that I was proud of her for making such a positive change.

I also got some positive feedback about how I do my job.  I was just walking down the hall at the end of my shift, and Mrs Smith, one of the 1st grade teachers, was there.  just out of the blue, she said to me, "I hope you know how much those  teachers love you.  They talk all the time about how they don't know what they would do without you."  I know that it is important that we love and value ourselves - that we have the ability to "self-validate."  But I tell you what - it feels really nice to have others validate you as well.  I think is one reason why my working has helped keep my depression at bay.  I am a good worker.  I am a good teacher.  I am good with kids.  I believe all of those things to be true.  but when I put those talents to work in the school - I get to SEE the fruits of my labors and I can not only see for myself that I am making a positive difference, I have other people telling me- almost daily - that I am a vital and important part of the team.  That feels good.  I know this might sound prideful and vain, and that is not my intent.  I don't know exactly what my intent is...  maybe just to document the moment for myself, and also to remind myself of two things - to KEEP being a good, hard worker and to earn the praise and respect of others, and also the importance of validating others - because I know for myself that it feels great to have people notice your hard work and efforts.  I think I need to try harder to validate my children more often.

In our family gospel study yesterday we were discussing fear.  This is what I wrote in my “Come Follow Me study journal:”   
(Thurs) we had a good family discussion this morning about fear. (Well, I thought it was good at least…) What is it that causes us fear - and how/what can help us overcome that fear.  For the most part, we decided that fear is most often caused by the unknown.  - (new situations, new people, new experiences) or our thoughts of not being good enough or able to do the said task.  We talked about how turning to Heavenly Father and Jesus are the ways to overcome fear.  If we truly know and believe that with God nothing is Impossible - then there is nothing to fear,.  We also talked about how “failure” isn’t really a bad thing.  It is the way we learn and grow.

I think in our society, we have this idea that “to FAIL” means that we are now of less value.  That we have lost some of our worth somehow.  We need to start seeing failure as a sign that we are working to improve.  That we are trying and learning new things.

It’s true that with God, nothing is impossible, but as I sit here, I think it is important to remember that while it may not be “impossible,” some things may not be part of the plan that God has for us.  The scripture is that WITH GOD - nothing is impossible - that means we need to be on the same page as him - trusting that He knows the end from the beginning.  If we believe that nothing is impossible, and yet are still waiting for that “impossible thing” to happen and start to doubt, we may need to remember that it might just not be the right time yet.  TRUST.  FAITH AND TRUST.

set backs

I guess one Miracle Morning thing that I don’t care for is journaling in the morning.  I suppose that is because in my mind, journaling is still basically just a recap of what I am doing.  IN the book , it is more.  It is a time to write down dreams, hopes, challenges, accomplishments etc…  or something like that.  For me it is still very much a “write down what I did during the day” type of thing, and that is harder to do “the morning after.”  Oh well

Yesterday was not my best day.  I woke up feeling a little off kilter - but couldn’t ever figure out why.  (I did not get up as intended at 5:00…  I‘m sure i woke up long enough to turn off my fitbit silent alarm (it vibrates on my wrist to wake me) but apparently I never really woke up.  I DID wake up (and GET UP) at 5:45.  I did do my new morning routine (still not incorporating exercise on my non- “OWN it” days - but think I’m made some steps in getting that into the routine.  (I’ve mostly cleaned up the section of my room that is blocking the treadmill, so I’m thinking on cold mornings when I don’t go to OWN it to work out, I can just walk/jog/run on the the treadmill for 10 minutes.

I as was saying, yesterday was a weird day.  The day before had been awesome - I had a spring in my step, and song in my head, and was feeling awesome.  Yesterday was like the opposite.  I think there was just something in the air, because the kids at school were off too, and many adult I spoke to said it was a weird day for them as well.  Oh well - TODAY is a NEW DAY, and I am feeling good.

Speaking of the kids at school being off - I had to deal with a couple of situations where kids weren’t being kind to each other.  It is amazing to me how when they get called out on something - it is always someone else’s fault.  A group of kids were being unkind to another girl, and when I talked to them - everyone one of them started off by saying something that tried to pass the blame to someone else.  “They are making me ….”  “He told us we should…”  etc…  I really ripped into them.  They (and the day in general) had basically pushed me OVER my limit and I let them have it!  Two of them lied straight out to me and I stopped them mid-sentence and called them out on it.  In my prayer and visualization this morning I asked for help today in “afterwards showing an increase of love.”  I need to especially look for the positive in those children today - so they know it was the BEHAVIOR that was unacceptable - not THEM.

step by step

Didn’t get up this morning at 5 as I intended, but I did get up at 5:45 so I still have an hour to do my new morning routine.  Only trouble is now EVERYONE is awake, so it is not so quiet and peaceful….
Yesterday was a good day, up until evening, then I sort of got into a funk.  Not exactly sure why or what happened…  maybe because I gave in an took a 45 minute nap?  Maybe because I spent too much time on Facebook - but I feel like I turned to facebook BECAUSE I was in the funk… but it certainly didn’t help.
I did have a good workout yesterday.  Pushed myself harder than i usually do, and had a good attitude.  I finished reading (listening to) the book.  Now I need to listen to it again to catch what I missed the first time, and to solidify the ideas in my mind a  little more.

no catchy title

Yesterday was a good day.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say (as the author of TMM does, that it is like “WAKING UP on CHRISTMAS MORNING…” but I am finding that my days are seeming more productive and purposeful.
Yesterday was a good day at work.  I love the feelings of validation and appreciation that the teachers give so freely.  It helps me see meaning and purpose and value in what I do.  I haven’t always FELT meaningful, helpful, useful, and of value - so in this way, working has been a big help to me.  It has helped me see the good that I can do and be.
Today is a “workout” day - (I have to leave in 5 minutes.  I’m thinking I did not get up quite early enough.  I was hoping I could just have ONE set time to get up - (5am) and make it work for my workout days as well, but it took me 10 minutes to get out of bed, dressed, brush my teeth, let the dog out, notice the dog bowl was low on water and refilled it, etc…  so either I need to get faster as getting up and ready, or I might need to get up a bit earlier on “own it” workout days.  ( and I still haven’t successfully implemented the exercise portion of the miracle morning, but I’m not kicking myself - I am doing well and I am proud of the progress I AM making.
Caleb was feeling anxiety again last night.  I worry about that boy.  He is so young, and yet he feels so much pressure and anxiety already.  Not about things he’s involved in right now (well, except scouts) but about things in the future.  I think he was 5 years old the first time I found him in his bed crying and all upset, all because he was worried that he wouldn’t be a good dad.  That his kids would hate him, he wouldn’t be able to work to provide for a family, etc…  Last night he was worrying about college, serving a mission, and being a grown up.  Somehow I need to help him learn some coping skills - or I worry that he will REALLY have trouble once he hits puberty and the hormones and teenage pressures of life start compounding his natural anxiety.

Happy Sabbath

Good morning.  I didn’t do TMM yesterday.  It was Sunday, I woke up with w slight headache that stayed with me all day.  Still have it, in fact.  I’m trying to determine what my personal affirmation should be.  (knowing it will shift and change)  How about, “Everyday I am making choices that bring me closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  With each choice, I am becoming more and more my best self - the person I was sent here to become.”  Maybe I try that out for a while and see how it “fits.”
This is my journaling time, so I’ll write about yesterday.  As I said, it was Sunday.  It was the first day back on 9 am church, and the first day on the new 2 hour block.  It was a good church meeting.  It was fast Sunday (which probably didn’t help my headache at all.)  Testimony was filled with the youth.  (only two “adults” shared their testimonies, the remainder of the time was the youth.  In fact, both Bryan and Caleb shared testimonies - Bryan about the power of the priesthood, and Caleb about having a prayer answered.  It is fun to see my boys growing up
After dinner we  had our family wrap up discussion about the things we studied and learned this week (the Come Follow Me home and individual study program)  Today we will start on Lesson 2.)
In the evening, Caleb wanted to make cookies to take to his teachers from Primary (Bro Ure & Bro Carlson - that he no longer has) and his new Sunday School teachers (Bro & Sis White).  We made a big tray of Peanut Butter Bars, and there were enough that Bryan took some to his teachers as well.  I have great kids - who are very thoughtful and loving.

A New Beginning - The Miracle Morning

I am reading the book, the Miracle Morning, and it teaches the idea that if you get up and dedicate a specific time in the morning to “self improvement” miracles happen in your life.  He (the author) started out by doing 6 specific things, for 10 minutes each.  (the 6 things, in whatever order I can think of them... 1) silence (meditation, prayer, ponder)  2) journaling  3) read  4) exercise  5) affirmations and…. 6)   ???  it’s not coming to me.  I’ll keep listening to the book.  (i just started it yesterday.) 

I had tentatively decided that after I finished the book, I would do the 30 day miracle morning challenge and give it try for one month to see what changes I experienced.  Well, I haven’t finished the book (i’m only in chapter 4) but apparently my mind/body/spirit wanted me to start today :)  because I woke up at 5 am.  I fought getting out of bed for about 20 minutes, (I really hate the cold and have really never loved mornings) but then I finally gave up the fight and I am up.

I really don’t know what I am doing, where to begin, what to do…  etc… but I am up.