gotta love it!

So tonight at dinner Aaron says,

"you know mom, how you've been making food that is healthier and costs less money?"

yes.....

"when can we go back to having food that tastes good?"

hanging in there

hey all - you are so good to me. I am hanging in. JEN - I'd love the name of the energy worker you see (or her recommendation for someone down here in happy valley:) Melissa - the book "feelings buried alive never die" is one of the ones that was recommended to me. I put in a request for it at the library and I'm waiting for it to come back in.

Last Saturday I had a great time going out to the movies with some friends. I haven't been to a movie in a Movie theatre since Aaron was a baby - yup, 8 years ago! My college and post mission buddy Mercy had some up for the weekend, and her sister Harmony set it all up. We saw the movie Errand of Angels and went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream afterwards. YUM YUM! The movie? It was just as "too loud"as I remember, and the plot was pretty slow paced and predictable, but since all 4 of us were returned missionaries, we laughed at many of the things that were "so true." It was a nice break from the kids, and it was wonderful to see and visit with Mercy again. It has been a LONG LONG time. TOO LONG. Let me tell you about Mercy. (now, I know as her sister, Harmony might have a different description, but this is my blog and my point of view, so that what you get - so there.) Mercy is the perfect blend of fun spontaneity and responsibility. She is someone you can totally count on to follow through and do whatever she has committed to do. At the same time, she is so much fun! Upbeat and enthusiastic about everything. She was a breathe of fresh air! (i have a picture to post, but I'll have to do it tomorrow because it is on the computer downstairs and I am just too lazy to go ALL the way down there. whine whine...)

Harm's friend Stacy came too, and let me tell you - she is a riot! I went to check out her blog the next day, and while I meant to just pop in and check it out, I spent over an hour reading and laughing right out loud. If you are in the mood for a laugh - go check her out.

Lets see - what else has been going on??? Katrina was sick (103 fever) last night, but seems fine today. Aaron has a 103.4 fever tonight. wonder what's going on... hoping Caleb doesn't get it.

Caleb isn't sleeping well lately. My best guess is that he gets hungry and wakes up. I feel like my milk is starting to slow down, but he won't take a bottle, so I don't know what to do for him. SO - I nurse him about every 2 hours all night! (yes, it makes me really tired and crabby.)

Took the van into the shop on Tuesday and it still isn't done. I still have a vehicle, since we have the truck, but it is such a pain to get kids in and out of the truck - I am ready to have my van back. Hopefully tomorrow.

I have been trying really hard to eat well this past week. Sprouts, salads, spinach, whole grains, more balanced meals in general, and less sugar. I might feel better - but with the added stress of sick kids and decreased sleep - it is too hard to tell for sure if I feel better or not.
We were rewarding the kids with "treats" when they did good things, but neither of us felt really good about that, but couldn't figure out anything better. We are now doing "beads." They each have a strand that they are collecting bead on, and when they fill it up, they get a Prize (like chuck-e-cheese or swimming or bowling) So far they are loving it - and it is good for me because I look for things all throughout the day that I can reward, which I wasn't doing before because I didn't want them to have more sugar.

Monday we went to the zoo and had a great time as a family. I'll post a bunch of pictures, but this post is already too long, so I'll make it another post. LATER -

Strange...

I went to day to a holistic healer person. (don't know what to call her; she does Cranio-sacral Therapy, energy balancing, she's a "master herbalist," does generational healing and nutritional counseling... and more.
Why did I go? you might ask. I just haven't felt WELL lately. as you know from my blog, I've been fighting anxiety, depression, and a general feeling of the blahs. Nothing to specifically point too, but I knew something was off. I picked up her flier in a health food store/cafe a while back and have been meaning to call her for a while now. Her flier says, in part, "using the Holistic Health Detective Method, we can reveal your body's priorities for healing and balancing the Body, Mind, and Spirit..."

Apparently my priority is fixing my diet I got a whole lot of Nutritional counseling. (tim will be glad to hear that) According to the energy testing she did on me, I am deficient in Iron, Calcium, and magnesium, and my nervous system is shot. (thus explaining the low energy, restless leg, occasional muscle twitches and spasms, etc... She gave me some instruction on herbs and foods that I need to include/increase in my diet, and some instruction on "eating from the earth," everything in its "season." She gave me some books to read and encouraged me to spend some time studying herbs and food.

She also "read" from my "energy" that I need to take time for me. That my spirit keeps saying "when is it my turn?" Many of the things she said in this regard were right on the money, but the "skeptic" in me kept thinking - "this same thing could be said for just about every mother of young children. Just because she's right on the mark, doesn't mean she can really just "READ" my spirit."
Anyway, one thing she said was that I need to focus on identifying "gifts" that I have been given. That she saw in me a lot of "artistic" tendencies that I had basically done nothing with. Not necessarily art as in painting, but art as in creating things.
Her 'testing' said that I don't believe it is okay to say NO, and that while I believe that God loves me, that I don't love myself. Then she did some strange thing where first I was "centered" then she tested to see if I was "fully present" (apparently I wasn't, I was only about 85% there, so then she had me do a breathing exercise - this might have been the "centering" part, I forget...the she called the rest of me to come - I can't really explain it, but there was a slight difference in how I felt, slightly heavier or something like that) Then she had me keep doing the breathing thing, while she said something about removing the untrue belief that I am not lovable or something like that. Then after waiting a minutes, she said something about not leaving a void where the untruth had been and needing to fill it with truth. She then said some things about loving myself and other stuff, but I really can't remember what she said (hope it wasn't important to remember) It was so weird, because as she finished saying this stuff, I felt the strangest sensation. Like i was spinning, and like my insides were lightening or melting or something. It almost felt like I wasn't gong to be able to lift my arms or control my moments for a minute. I felt a little dizzy'ish - but not really. It was so strange. I wish I understood more.

Anyway - after all this, I felt fine and good and I felt like I could take on this challenge and learn what I needed to do to change my diet and help my body (and my family) be healthier and as a result, be happier. I felt his way for like 3 hours, until just now when I got home. As soon as I walked into the house, I felt depressed and overwhelmed and like it was all just too much to overcome.

Am I Crazy or what? I am still trying to process it. Even as I type this, I feel like it is too personal to blog about, but I need an outlet to write it down and in so doing, helpfully it will help me recall more specifics and give me place to see my growth. I know I could just write it on paper in my journal, but really I'm feeling quite lost and alone'ish. (not exactly those emotions, but that's the closest I can come...) Somehow by blogging it, I know I am sharing it, without the vulnerability of sharing it in person. does that make sense? (I don't even need you to comment about it (but feel free) -I know that you are there and sharing it with me, (maybe thinking I'm a little nuts) and that helps.

NOW WHAT???


(thanks for listening - that's what I needed.)