I survived Teacher/Staff Appreciation Week! and I feel great!

 I know that title makes me seem ungrateful - I'm not!  I promise.  I love that parents put in so much time and effort to showing their appreciation to the teachers and staff at my school.  It feels great to feel appreciated.  I totally get that in our culture - we very often show appreciation through FOOD - junk food.  I was able to enjoy some food each day - in the lunches they served, and I was able to walk away from the unhealthy options.  It feels really great.

Today for Breakfast I ate a bowl of granola w/strawberries and a couple chocolate muffins that Tim made.  I probably should have passed on those (and having them again as an afternoon AND evening snack - but they are SO delicious.  No, they are not my best choice, but as far as chocolate muffins go - they are pretty good.  Whole wheat flour, coconut oil, brown sugar, yogurt, dark chocolate chips, bananas.  (That's why Tim made them, He doubled the recipe and used up 6 overripe bananas.)  They are SO good!  Yes, I Have been avoiding refined sugars and I am trying to reduce how much I indulge in delicious chocolatey goodness - but since Tim had already made them...  and they are a slightly healthier version - I chose to FULLY ENJOY them!  (There we 24 of them this morning...  we are down to 12!)

https://www.chelseasmessyapron.com/greek-yogurt-chocolate-banana-muffins-movie/

For lunch I had a whole grain bagel at school and another chocolate muffin when I got home - I know, I know...  it is what it is

For dinner I made "creamy one pot pasta with broccolini."  I didn't actually have broccolini, but I had broccoli and it worked great.  I chose to put the onions and garlic into the pot of water, but I roasted the other veggies in the oven, then tossed them in at the end, since I like my veggies on the crispier side.  I thought it tasted good.  The other change was that I had some "cashew cream" in the fridge that I had used early in the week, and I used that instead of cashew butter.  (I wanted to use it up before it went bad - that is one downside to cook whole foods - they aren't chock full of preservatives, so they don't last as long in the fridge.  I have to be mindful of the leftovers and eat them more quickly.)  

https://www.forksoverknives.com/recipes/vegan-pasta-noodles/one-pot-creamy-pasta-with-broccolini/

Can I be done yet?

 Today I am feeling "Put upon."  

Before I go any further - let me be real...  much of my feeling "put upon" is MY OWN FAULT, because I have procrastinated many things, and now they are all staring me down and I am feeling the pressure.  So the reality is, I have no one to blame but myself, but I sure am looking for ANYONE or ANYTHING else I can blame...

Today I worked one of my "long days," plus extra time after school since I was assigned to be part of the team that cleans the staff lounge this week - and the "team" doesn't work very well...  oh well.  One more day!  I can do it.  Got home and ate a small snack/,lunch (leftover curry stuff with brown rice) then started some laundry, made dinner, cleaned up after dinner, did more laundry, folded lots of laundry, sorted a pile of crap in room - a lovely mixture of DI, clean laundry, and mystery laundry...  Boys got home late, after having play rehearsal after school, the staying to work the "mock disaster" until 9.    Now it's 10pm, everyone is exhausted, I am totally beat and want to go to bed, but I still have another load in the wash, so I'll need to stay up until that is done, so I can move it to the dryer.

I want to go into a little rant here...  but I think I will take some deep breaths instead and remind myself that I have to power to keep on top of things more.  I can't be mad and resentful about the things I have to do, when I am the one who could have chosen to not let the laundry pile up...

I did well again today as far as being in charge of my food choices.  THe provided lunch was sandwiches, so I chose a whole wheat roll (not a croissant) a couple sliced of turkey (first intentional meat in almost 3 weeks) with tomato and lettuce.  It was good.  I had some pasta salad & garden salad as my sides.  I waited until I had eat all of my food, then made the conscious choice and I at 4 chips.  (sour cream & Cheddar.).  The "gift today was a big mint brown (or regular brownie) and I gave mine away.  

Breakfast - I had a bowl of granola & green smoothie

lunch - lunch at work as described above, then a small amount of leftover curry & brown rice at 3:30 when I got home

dinner - Tacos.  I fried hamburger for the boys, and made quinoa "taco meat" for me.  It wasn't bad.   I froze a bag of it, so I'll have tacos again in a week or two and the "meat" will be pre-done.  I think I'll make the recipe again, even though I had some issues getting it to turn out the way it sounded in the recipe description...  but I think I'll add some peppers to the mix while I cook it.

   

Yes - it was a better day... and I'm feeling STRONG! PLUS - CALEB's ICE BATH

Funny story for today.  About one hour before Caleb's concert, he decided it would be fun to fill the tub with snow, then add cold water, and take an ice bath.  Oh the screeching and hollering....  Bryan timed him to see how long he could stay in the slushy water.  CRAZY KIDS!

Today was much better for me.  I didn't feel like biting off the heads of everyone who looked at me.  I finished the big project that I signed up to do, and the person it was for appreciated my worked and loved the way I set up the information.  That made me feel good.

Tonight was Caleb's Roots Band concert.  He didn't have any solos or banjo features, which is, of course, my favorite part...  but he did well doing his part.  Made for a long night, having to have him at the school for call time at 6:30, then the band concert starting late, which meant the orchestra concert started even later...  and Roots band plays at the very end. I was there from 6:30 to 9:30.  Luckily I took my computer and finished up that project, and created the "remember to do this" list to hang up for the boys while we are gone.  (things like, remember to fee the dog, and bring in the mail, and clean our the litter box.  all of those things that just magically get done when mom & dad are home)

I am feeling great about my food today.  For teacher appreciate they had soups for the teachers.  There was a vegan option, and I ate that.  I did not eat any of the desserts, and I did take one of the "daily gifts" - chocolate covered pretzels, but I didn't eat any, I gave them to the boys.  It is a good feeling to feel like I am choosing what to eat, instead of my body/cravings being in control of me.  

Food Log: 

Breakfast - a cinnamon oat pancake with nut butter, bananas, and maple syrup

lunch - Wild rice & veggie soup with a roll and a spinach salad w/blackberries

dinner - leftovers.  I had leftover pumpkin black bean enchiladas.

snack - a nut bar and an herbal tea 

Chocolate is my friend... my comfort

 I know I am supposed to be getting past the fact that I use food to sooth my stress...  but today was not a day I could totally do that.  

It's funny, because I can feel that it was a hard day - but when I try to explain to someone WHY it was hard or WHAT made it hard...  it is a whole bunch of little nothings.  I think the stress of our upcoming trip is starting to feel heavy.  Not that I'm not looking forward to the trip, but because there is a LOT to do before we leave, and I am running out of time to get it all done!

There is a saying by Brené Brown, “Choose discomfort over resentment.“ - I am not good at this.  I always seem to choose COMFORT in the immediate situation, then end up feeling stressed out and resentful when I have to follow through on what I said I would do.  Maybe someday I'll get better at that, but I have a personality that is ALL or NOTHING.  If I am going to be a helpful and involved in things, I tend to think I have to do it all...  Need to learn to find some middle ground!

Today was rough.  kids were wild at school, It was one of my "long days," I had a bit of a headache when I work up and my neck was tight and hurting, Katrina's P-day has shifted and we don't get to talk to her until later in the afternoon and I miss our early morning visits.  It is also teacher appreciation, so I had lots of temptations (cookies and treats) calling. out to me.  I resisted, but it wore me down a little I think.  For the teacher "gift" today it was a small bag of that white cheddar popcorn.  No added sugars, minuscule amounts of whey/cheese powder, and I really like that stuff, so I decided it would be ok to have that.  I don't know if there was more to it that I thought, or if it was just a combination of a thousand tiny things added up to push me over the edge... but it was hard.  

All in all, I still made good choices overall, and for as hard of a day as it was - I did pretty awesome!  Let's hope that tomorrow is a better mental day for me!

Food log:

breakfast - oatmeal chia overnight  thing.  (I didn't like this as much as the plain chia seed one.  The the oats soaking overnight, I though tit tasted too "oatmeal chalky."

lunch - teachers were given Hawaiian haystacks.  I chose a plate of brown rice, (no gravy) and topped with a bunch of the available veggies.  

dinner - I tried a recipe a friend gave me.  The photo she sent didn't show the NAME - but it was an Indian style garam masala curry dish, served over brown rice and mixed veggies.  It called for chicken, but I used chickpeas instead.  It was OK.  I ate it fine, but I didn't love it.  I really could have gone for one of my heavy, meat, carb, and fat filled comfort foods!  but I didn't.  We'll see if I like the leftovers better tomorrow, when I'm not in such a cranky mood.  I also had a nice chocolate bar.  it is dark chocolate topped with almond, cranberries, and pistachios.  it does have 9g of added sugar (i've been aiming for NONE but for sure UNDER 8g.  I cut myself a break and ate this one anyway.

TWO weeks of clean, whole food eating.

 Today was a good Saturday.  Bountiful Baskets was a little crazy,  the truck was super late and we were missing but it all worked out fine.   I finally got home at about 9:45, ate some breakfast, then back out again to go pick up Bryan who got home from the jr./sr. trip.  He had a great time.  didn't get much sleep, ate a lot of garbage, but had a great time with some of his best friends.  (many of whom are graduating this year,) so I'm glad he got the chance to go create memories with them.

I got home from picking him up, then changed clothes to go to the funeral of a co-worker.  It was such an unexpected event. She is my age, born in 1970, (I was born in 71) and still have several kids living at home.  One in 7th grade, one in 9th grade, and I think a senior.  She was feeling just fine, no known major health concerns, then two weeks ago, (on that long weekend when we had Fri - Mon off,) I said goodbye to here on Thursday as we walked out of the school, and just a couple hours later she was gone... sudden heart attack.  (Technically, she was kept alive on life support for another week, but in reality, she was pretty much gone before they got her to the hospital. ) It has been such a jarring reminder that life is short.  You never know how much time you have or what moment may be your last.  It is so important to let those you love know how much you care - and to spend your time doing the things that matter most.

I got home from that at about 1:30... and then vegged out and watched a 1959 Cary Grant movie while I ate my lunch.  Fully intended to finish watching the movie while I cleaned the kitchen...  but you can probably guess how that intention turned out.  After the movie, I did clean the kitchen and then made dinner, before Caleb and I went over to Mapleton Jr High to watch his friend Emma in their production of Newsies Jr..  Emma was amazing - as expected, and I was pleasantly surprised with how the rest of the cast did as well.  The young man playing Jack did a great job!

We got back home just after 9pm...  I logged in her to write my entry for the day, then will do my Spanish lesson, then hopefully to go to bed semi-close to on time.  a good night's sleep will be a really GOOD thing for me!

FOOD LOG:  

breakfast - avocado toast, last of the overnight chia seed pudding

lunch - leftover stuffed shells

dinner - pumpkin black bean enchiladas.  These turned out pretty good.  They weren't too much work, certainly no more difficult that my "old regular" enchiladas, and I thought they tasted good.  (again, Tim & Bryan liked them...  Caleb wouldn't try them.  are we seeing a pattern here?)

pumpkin black bean enchiladas

A "leftover" day

 Food log - all leftovers

breakfast - chia pudding thing

lunch - another pizza on pita bread

dinner - stuffed shells.  (note - these tasted better to me today than they did the first night when they were fresh.  Go figure?)

I got up on time this morning (6:30) got in some scripture study before work.  Here are some thoughts from  my study of the parallel stories of Christ calming the stormy sea.  A commentator that I was learning from talked about the different lessons we might pick up on, depending on who was writing. 

Matthew 8 -  Matthew leads into the story by explaining they had just come down from the mount (sermon on the mount) and the "radical" teachings that Jesus taught.  The messages he shared were quite radical for his time and stirred up a lot of questions and ill feelings from the sadducces and pharisees.  In effect, Christ's teachings "stirred up a storm" of trouble with many of the Jews.  Then he performs some healings (again, inviting questioning comments as he interacts with lepers, Roman centurions, and the like... ) Then he is at the side of the seashore and someone asks to follow after him, and again another man asks to follow go with with him but only after he buries his father.  In both cases, Jesus attempts to explain that there is a high cost of discipleship.

Then vs 23.  (unlike in Mark) Matthew states that Jesus went into the ship FIRST and the disciples chose to "FOLLOW him."  THEN the storm comes.  It is a hard truth, that sometimes the very act of choosing to follow the Savior actually invites certain storms into our lives.  Storms that perhaps would have been avoided (or certainly not felt full force) had we turned away.  However, it is only when we are actively following Him, that we can fully experience the power of HIS PEACE.   Another difference between the two tellings, is that in Mark, Jesus calms the storm first, then asks them why they lack faith, and in Matthew, he asks them why they are fearful and lack faith, THEN calms the storm.  Still thinking about the possible reasons or insights of that - 

I actually love that in both tellings, after the Savior calms the sea, the disciples marvel and wonder at the power and authority of Jesus.  I love the reminder that you can have totally made your choice to follow Jesus, you can have faith in Him and believe in Him, and still have moments of doubt... still have moments of fear... and still have moments of sheer WONDER and Amazement.  (Like, "I know you are the son of God and all...  but I still didn't really fully 'get it'.") And for all of these things, He does not love us any less.  He is endlessly patient and merciful.  

Jesus is the source of MY peace.  I am fully aware that life is full of storms.  I am fully aware that choosing to be a "Christian" in this day and age is akin to inviting storms into my life - and still, I CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST.  In Him, and in Him alone, is true peace to be found.  In the midst of the storm is NOT the time to question my choice and jump ship - that is just a sure-fire way to drown!  I choose to stay in the boat with the Master of the seas.  Even in moments when I do feel that fear creep in...  I will choose to continue to trust.  

(This is a song I did with our ward choir a month or so ago.  I love it.  For you musicians out there, just prepare yourself for a painful couple notes on the 3rd verse.  one of the sopranos got a little exuberant...)

here is the text:

When upon the rising seas the angry billows roll
My Savior is my refuge and the harbor of my soul
For when the tempest rages; when night grows dark and chill
He comes to bid my fearful heart,
“Peace, peace, be still.”

When before a rising tide of pain or grief I flee
The Lord will hear my anguished cry and haste to rescue me
For He can calm the tempest according to His will
Or come and bid my fearful heart,
“Peace, peace, be still.”

He who made the rising storm can bid its fury fail
Or bear me up and give me strength to stand before the gale
I’ll wait upon His kindness, and trust in Him until
He calms the wind or bids my heart,
“Peace, peace, be still.”

Better than yesterday

 Today was better than yesterday.  Got up on time, actually did some productive things in both the morning and the afternoon.  Still sat in front of the computer for too long, but still WAY better than yesterday.  

Enjoyed listening to a come follow me podcast today, talked about several of the chapters in New Testament - Matthew 8, Mark 2-4, and Luke 7.  The title of this week's lesson is "Thy Faith Hath Saved Thee."  There are several stories of the Savior healing people in these chapters.  There is also the story of the Savior being out on the ship with his apostles and they are afraid because of the storm.  He wakes, and calms the elements.  

I'll share one thing that I don't think I knew...  or if I did learn it once, I have since forgotten... Luke is apparently know for teaching using "doublets."  where he tells one stories, then tells another one right after that provides almost opposite contrasts.  In this particular pairing, it is the story of the Centurion who come to Jesus, asking him to heal his servant, contrasting with the story of the widow of Nain, who's only son has now died.

Here is a quote from the podcast, Dr Joshua M Sears is the one speaking:

...think about how much these two stories are complete opposites of each other. You've got the centurion is a man and the widow is a woman. The centurion is a Roman and the woman is Jewish. The centurion is rich, the woman is poor, and in bad economic circumstances. He came to Jesus with faith and expressed request for help, whereas she had no idea who Jesus was and Jesus came to her without being asked. His servant was only dying, but her son is already dead. There's all sorts of ways in which you can see a huge contrast between these I think Luke has paired them because they're very much opposites in almost every way you can think about.

I think there's an important lesson there, if you just had one healing story, you might be tempted to think, "Well God loves people in this kind of a situation, or God is going to respond in these circumstances." But by showing the complete opposite, it breaks that down. God doesn't just love him because he's a man or he's rich or he came with this humble request, God is willing to heal and help us in all the opposite situations as well.   

I liked that reminder.  and I am going to have to be on the lookout for more "doublets" in Luke

Food log:

Breakfast - overnight chia seed "pudding' topped with (unsweetened) coconut, almonds, strawberries, cinnamon, & blueberries

Lunch - Two piece of multi-grain toast, topped with mixed nut butter, one with honey & bananas, the other with low sugar raspberry jam.  Also a large handful of Terra vegetable chips.  (the chips are growing on me...)

Dinner - homemade person pizzas on whole wheat pita bread.  I made mine 1/2 pesto & 1/2 regular red sauce.  Topped with plant based cheese, chopped peppers, tomatoes, and spinach.  It was tasty, quick and easy.

Can we all say... "LAZY-DO-NOTHING-DAY"

I'm going to choose to blame it on feeling over-run the past two days, but even so, I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself for doing pretty much nothing today.  I mean, I went to work...  but that's about it.  then I sat in my chair and watched a couple movies and surfed around on the computer.  NO BUENO!

"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it."  (L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables)

Food log:  (could have been much worse, but also could have been better and more balanced)

breakfast, leftover baked oatmeal with strawberries & syrup and piece of avocado toast.  (100% stone ground multi grain bread with mashed avocado and sliced tomato.)

lunch - left over quinoa enchilada casserole

dinner - skipped.  ate a couple handfuls of nuts and a handful of chocolate chips.

snack - better nut bar - members mark brand

A WHIRLWIND of a day!

 I am sitting here, just exhausted and wanting to go to bed.  I have been doing some deep breathing, trying to calm down the stress/anxiety/cortisol racing through my body.  A win is that when I am stressed like this and the world is spinning around me, I always want to sooth myself with Chocolate.  Instead of doing that - I am choosing to sooth with my favorite herbal tea.  (Really hoping it does the trick long enough for me to write out this post and then get to bed.

Today started, as you know, with a lack of sleep due to a late night session helping Bryan prepare his essay and resume to turn in as part of his application for GHA.  I thought my alarm was off, but apparently not.  It went off at 6:30 and woudlnt' you know... today was one of those days when I couldn't fall back asleep.  I guess that was good because I was able to read my scriptures and do a few things here at home before heading off to work.  

After work I came home and starting making dinner.  As soon as the boys got out of school I drove over to meet them at the medical clinic where we get their physical's done.  (They will both be working for the BSA organization this year.  BSA provides the staff for the camp down in Moab where Aaron used to work.  It used to be called "Entrada," but is now named "The Moab Adventure Base."  This camp is where BYU holds it's summer Adventure for Youth camps.  Bryan and Caleb will both be workign there this summer, so they needed to submit their BSA medical/health forms.  These were supposed to have been turned in a few weeks ago, but we hadn't gotten around to getting them done.  We HAD to get it done before Bryan left for the senior trip.  We got those done, then got home and I finished making dinner.  

After dinner, I worked with Bryan on the final editing of his papers for GHA.  We got those done and submitted - then he raced off (15 minutes late) to the Young Men's activity.  While the boys were at YM, I ran to Sam's club to buy snacks & drinks.  (Each student going on the trip was supposed to bring some type of snacks and drinks to share with everyone.). I got home, ready to have an hour or so when I could relax, record thoughts of the day, clean up dinner, etc...  Apparently, this was just not meant to be.

Bryan was supposed to already be packed for the senior trip by this time, but being my procrastinating child... he wasn't...  but he wasn't worried about it because he'd have almost an hour to pack between YM and 10 pm - the time he needed to be at the school so everyone could load the bus and be ready to pull out at 10:30.  THEN - 1/2 way though the YM activity, Bryan got a text saying that the weather people are predicting a snow storm coming in tonight and the bus driver wanted to leave as early as possible, to hopefully get out in front of it.  They wanted everyone to be at the school by 9 pm instead.  Bryan ran into the house about 8:35 and started running around like crazy trying to find what he needed and get his stuff packed.  I had forgotten to pick up a VISA gift card for him (they are responsible for paying for their own lunch each day, and the parks don't take cash... so each student is supposed to bring a card of some type to pay for their food.). I stopped at TWO different convenience stores between our house and the school.  The first sells those cards, but they were all sold out of the VISA/MC ones.  The second said they sold them, but the person who was authorized to active them wasn't working at the time, so they couldn't sell me one!  I ended up dropping Bryan off at the school at 9:15, with MY credit card, just in case the bus left before I could make it back.  Then I raced over to the nearest grocery store and bought a Visa card.  I managed to make it back to the school by 9:30, and trade cards with Bryan.  I assume the bus left just a few minutes after that, because when I check the location app we use to track each other (Life 360) I could see that he was nearing Mona, which is about 30 - 35 minutes south of here.   (I know I could have just sent him with my card, and it probably would have been just fine, but if it gets lost, it's a lot bigger hassle.  If he loses this gift card one, yes, he loses a chunk of money...  but we don't have to report and replace a lost card...  then change all of the accounts that are paid automatically with card, etc...

I am happy to know that the GHA application is DONE.  Summer job paperwork for BOTH boys is COMPLETE.  For better or for worse, Bryan is officially on his way to enjoy this Jr/Sr trip... and I'm sure he'll have a great time.  Life should be a little slower and calmer for few days.  AND - I did NOT give in to the urge to self-soothe with chocolate, bread, or any other highly addictive food.  My Bengal Spice tea is doing the job and I'm feeling better. 

Food Log:

Breakfast - Granola with almond milk and strawberries

Lunch - leftover red pepper & tomato soup with 1 piece of toast (sprouted wheat bread) and a handful of "whole grain & ancient seed pita crackers."

Dinner - Stuffed shells, side salad, and whole wheat breadsticks.  This dinner didn't turn out super great.  The shells were stuffed with a "tofu ricotta cheese mix (with spinach)". They weren't bad, but I didn't LOVE them either.  It might have been the pasta sauce I used...  it was a new brand - so maybe that made a difference too.  The breadsticks turned out HORRIBLY.  (I.just used my regular recipe but used 100% whole wheat flour instead of white.  It did NOT work well and did not taste good!  Then again, I was being pulled in multiple directions, do maybe I killed the yeast, or maybe I should have taken the time to let them rise...  or whatever. I know I forgot to add the salt, so then I tried to knead it in, which didn't work super well...  I will try again - but this batch - A DISASTER!)

Late night. a mom's job is never-ending

Short post tonight.  It is already after midnight and I should have been in bed hours ago.  I was up late helping Bryan work on his essay and resume that are required for his Governor's Honor's Academy (GHA) application.  The applications are due on Friday, but he is leaving tomorrow to go on the jr/sr trip...  and he won't really be able to work on it or submit it while he's gone, so we need to finish it and get it turned in by tomorrow evening.  Obviously, it took us a while, but I think we came up with a good finished product that will give him a good chance of being accepted into the program.  He is going to take them in to school tomorrow to get additional feedback from some of his teachers, then we'll do some final editing and get it all submitted. 

Now I need to get to bed!  lack of sleep is NOT my friend when it comes to me having the strength to resist sugars and other junk food.  

Food Log:

Breakfast - steel cut oats, topped with almond milk, strawberries, unsweetened coconut, almonds, cinnamon, and a drizzle of agave syrup (can you tell strawberries were on sale last week.  They are delicious and I am enjoying them in abundance while they last)

Lunch - Leftover Quinoa Enchilada casserole (it was just as good re-heated as it was yesterday) & leftover salad

Dinner - leftover veggie burgers with carrots & peas dipped in hummus and some Terra "real vegetable chips."  (yes, they are processed foods, but definitely better than my usual favorite, sour cream and onion Pringles... and I only had a small number.)

Snacks - handful of dark chocolate chips and pistachios

Dinner was a WINNER! and my SABBATH was a "delight."

Today was a pretty great day.  There are many scriptures that speak of the Sabbath, and one of my favorites is Isaiah 58:13-14, which says, in part,

"If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
From doing your pleasure on My holy day,

And call the Sabbath a delight,"

Today was certainly a delightful Sabbath.   Music is one of my most reliable conduits to feeling the spirit of God, and my day was blessed with beautiful music.  I am currently servings as the ward choir director, and we were scheduled to sing today.  The song is a long and challenging one (challenging for a ward choir anyway...  especially one where we have a slew of young children who are our most regular attending sopranos...) and we came super close to just deciding to postpone the song until we had a little more time to practice.  I really want to move forward though, so we worked extra hard and I am happy to say that it went really well.  It is a beautiful song, written by Ryan Murphy, called "Hear Him."  It is all about learning to hear the words of Christ and listen to the spirit as He directs us in our lives.  if you want to listen hear a recording... 

 

Then tonight we had our first Stake choir rehearsal, in preparation for our Easter Fireside that will be held at the end of March.  It is always such a blessing to sing with that choir and under the direction of Jim Kasen, who is a phenomenal musician and a dear friend.  Singing beautiful music that helps connect me to Christ and reminds of of His incredible gift of the atonement is just amazing!  I LOVE it!

It was a busy day - two choir practices, two hours of church, the boys had their "emotional resilience" self-reliance class, then Bryan had a mission prep class...  lots going on.  I knew we wouldn't have much time between getting home from church and the boys needing to leave for their first evening meeting, so we tried a new recipe for a "quinoa Enchilada Casserole that was a "2 hour in the crockpot" deal.  It went together super quickly, I was easily able to throw it all in the crockpot in my 45 minutes of time between ward choir and leaving for church.  Cooked on high while we were gone, and was ready to eat when we got home.  AND IT WAS DELICIOUS!  I really liked it and will definitely make it again.  

Here is a link to where I got the recipe - gotta give credit where credit is due!   https://jessicainthekitchen.com/slow-cooker-quinoa-enchilada-casserole/comment-page-3/?ssp_iabi=1677444595142#comments

*not a picture of my actual dinner...  I forgot to take a picture of mine before I ate it - this is a photo from the recipe post.  I followed the recipe as stated.  I used green enchilada sauce because apparently that was all I had downstairs.  Also, I didn't add cheese at the end.  I just added the lime juice, then let people put cheese on top of their own as desired.  (I tried a non-dairy cheese and the rest of the family used regular cheese. 

FOOD LOG:  

Breakfast was left over baked oatmeal (topped with strawberries and maple syrup). 

Lunch - I think I missed it again.  I don't feel badly about that, since I ate a late breakfast and an early dinner...

Dinner - Quinoa Enchilada casserole

Pantry Organization

 Hello - it was a pretty good day.  

The thing I am most proud of for today is that I managed to plan out this weeks WFPB menu, then I went shopping to buy what I needed.  (Food planning is always a challenge for me...  I don't really know why, but it is!)  

I also cleaned out and organized the pantry - hopefully in such a way that I will waste less food (usually because I can't find something I "thought" I had, so then I go buy more, and by the time I find the one I lost, it has gone bad) and I can start to feel more confident using WFPB staples.  I went to the Good Earth market, and they had lots of things available in the bulk bins...  I think it this new system works as I envision, the pantry should stay better organized, planning the shopping list should be easier, and I should spend less money.  Here's hoping!  

Another fun thing is that I found a cookbook titled "Simply Fresh" in my pantry (I have a LOT of cookbooks).  I don't remember how or where I came by this particular book, but as I flipped through, I LOVE it!  It has basic ingredient, WFPB meals, that look pretty easy to prepare, and fairly family friendly. Most of the meals I planned for this week came from that book. 

Food Log:

Breakfast - an almond cherry breakfast "cookie on the go,"  then later, some cinnamon oat pancakes topped with fresh strawberries & 100% maple syrup.

Lunch - I can't remember...  I wonder if I accidentally missed lunch...?

Dinner - Taco salad (sin carne)   

Snacks - handful of pistachios & a handful of no added sugar "chocolatey trail mix".  Another WIN from today (in additional to organizing the pantry)...  is that Caleb made a batch of brownies - and I didn't eat any.  even better, was that it wasn't killing me...  I mean, I love chocolate, but it wasn't like I was battling myself to NOT eat a brownie.  

Wow - what a difference a day can make.  I felt a little better by the time I went to bed - don't know if it was writing it out, or drinking a "Herpower" drink that helped stabalize me, but either way, I didn't feel like biting everyone's heads off by the time I went to be.  I think it was about 11 'ish when I got into bed.  THEN...  guess who woke up at 4:30 AM and couldn't fall back asleep???  Yup - that would be me!  At 5 I gave up trying to sleep and got up.  It was a great morning.  I made some baked oatmeal and green smoothie for breakfast, did my scripture study, got shower, and still got to work on time.  Surprisingly enough, I didn't even fall asleep mid afternoon like I usually do.  SO - today was a pretty great day.  I'l take it!

Fun side note - not related to my food and lifestyle changes...  but we got Tesla solar panels put on our roof today and a battery wall installed on the side of the house. 

Another fun thing from today was that this morning - at 5 am...  I happened to check the online scheduling for the local temples, and I was pleasantly surprised to fine an opening for initiatory at 5:15 at the Provo, Utah temple.  It was great to go.  I have been able to go to the temple once a week for the past month and it has been a blessing.

Last thing - I work up and found a tender mercy in my email box.  I got a blog post from the Amen Clinic about looking for the micro-moments of happiness.   The following is not the entire post, but the main points.

"The big “H”— happiness—doesn’t require major life-changing events, accomplishments, or milestones. Start finding joy in the smallest things you can: hearing a bird sing outside your window, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face when you step outside, petting your dog or cat, taking that first sip of your favorite brain healthy smoothie, or cracking open a new book.

These are micro-moments of happiness.

Most of us gloss over these little things, searching instead for the big experiences. But it’s important to savor these precious times because, when your brain pays attention to them, they add up to more overall contentment and satisfaction with your life. The more micro-moments you cherish, the greater your sense of joy.

One of the quickest ways to identify the little things that make you happy is with an exercise called the 4 Circle of Happiness. Basically, you identify happiness boosters in each of the following 4 areas of your life:

• Biological Circle: how your physical body and brain function
• Psychological Circle: developmental issues and how you think
• Social Circle: social support, your current life situation, and societal influences
• Spiritual Circle: your connection to God, the planet, past and future generations, and your deepest sense of meaning and purpose

To do this exercise, take a sheet of paper, draw 4 circles, and write “Biological” in one of them, “Psychological” in the second one, “Social” in the third one, and “Spiritual” in the last one. Within each circle, write down the micro-moments that make you happy in that area of your life while keeping these questions in mind:

• What brings a smile to your face?
• What makes you feel good about life?
• What do you value most?

When you have finished, look at how many things you have listed in each circle. Does one circle have a much shorter list? Are you out of balance in any of these areas? If so, you may be neglecting one of your circles.

I didn't take time to do it today - but I think this would be a good exercise for me to do.  Well - that's it for my day.  Tomorrow I need plan a menu for next week.  (Always the biggest challenge for me...  wish me luck!

Food Log for today:

Breakfast: baked chocolate chip oatmeal topped with strawberries and pure maple syrup & a green smoothie (spinach, kale, carrot juice, beet juice, orange, strawberries, pineapple, dates, ground flaxseed)

Lunch:  leftover creamy broccoli potato casserole, baby carrots & snap peas dipped in hummus

Dinner:  red pepper tomato soup with sprouted whole grain toast & an apple

I spoke too soon

So, remember how yesterday I said I was feeling good about things, I felt like I was over the "detox" period, and I was feeling positive???  Today - I'm not in such a positive place.  Maybe it's PMS?  Maybe it's the weather/barometric pressure change? (we had a major snow storm blow in on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning). Maybe it's just regular hormonal ups and downs or my regular depressive ups and downs...  I don't know, but I do know that tonight I am in the kind of mood where it is best to just steer clear of me!

I am feeling irritable, tired, unappreciated, overworked, and impatient.  Not a great place to be.  I am going to choose to hope that it is a natural process that my body is going through.  I've been watching a video today by Dr. Frank Sabet, about overcoming food addictions.  He talks in detail about the release of pleasure hormones (serotonin & dopamine) and the neuroreceptors in the brain.  He explains how food manufacturers scientifically worked to figure out how to increased the "bliss point" of processed foods to create highly addictive foods.  These calorie dense, high in Sugar, Oils, and Salt, processed foods, cause a drastically increased release of serotonin & dopamine.  Because there is such a high amount of those hormones, the body reacts by thinking, "oh we have too much, we need to reduce the amount of those hormones and decrease the amount of receptors that are available to receive them.  Our physical ability to feel pleasure is actually reduced.  The body then has to receive MORE quantities of whatever it is that we are receiving pleasure from in order to feel good.  (this is the same pattern you will see with any addictions, drugs, alcohol, technology, pornography, etc...) Going back to specific food addictions - Then when you try to reduce the Sugar Oils and Salts in our body, the cravings are HUGE and the withdrawal effects are intense.  I am going to trust that either I am PMS'ing, in which case it isn't my fault that I'm feeling like a witch right now, OR I am doing a good thing by cutting out the C.R.A.P. foods  (Calorie Rich And Processed) and my body is struggling to find and feel pleasure as it works to rebalance itself.  Yes, the brain will eventually re-regulate the levels of serotonin and dopamine that are released, and the nerves can rebuild the necessary receptors to receive them, but that will take time.  I have to be in it for the long haul.  I have to push past each low, and trust that my body can and will heal itself if I continue to give it the nutrition it needs.  I didn't do fabulously in pushing through the lows today... Because I was in such a foul mood, I ate some chocolate.  it was all dark chocolate, so lower sugar levels, but I still probably should have tried to be stronger and resisted the temptation to self medicate with the chocolate.  It really is an addiction...  a powerful one.

Food Log: 

Today for breakfast I had steel cut oats with cranberries, unsweetened coconut flakes, almonds, almond milk, and a squirt of date syrup.

For lunch I went out to eat and got a "buddha bowl" at Ginger's cafe.  it was OK - but there was something in it that tasted a bit "off."  I could never quite figure out what it was.  Then again, it was all on a bed of greens, like arugula and other bitter greens, so maybe that was it.  

For dinner I made homemade veggie burgers with sweet potato "chips." The burgers tasted pretty good.  (I topped mine with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and avocado) For the chips, I just sliced the sweet potatoes, salted them, then cooked them in the air fryer.  It was a bit of an experiment and I burned about 1/2 of them...  whoops.  the ones that worked tasted pretty good.  I think I'll keep trying to figure out how to make that work better.

Here's my Buddha bowl lunch:  beets, quinoa, carrots, black beans, & avocado on a bed of healthy greens.  It was supposed to come with a citrus dressing, but they were out of that, so I tried the sesame dressing.

The homemade veggie burgers.

my sweet potatoes in the air fryer (before they burned)

The recipe I used for the burgers

https://www.emilieeats.com/black-bean-quinoa-veggie-burgers/#tasty-recipes-5578-jump-target

Progress & a few recipes

 So I started trying to consciously make better choices (again) last Friday.  (today is Wednesday). I especially tried to actively steer away from anything with added processed sugar & white flour.  I found it interesting (and not surprising) to find that on Sunday, I woke up feeling pretty yucky.  I had a headache all day and didn't feel my best.  I am assuming that it was just a sign that my body was going through a detox.  From everything I have read, this is a normal thing when you stop feeding your addictions... (drug, alcohol, or FOOD) detox is real - and not very fun.  Luckily, I have been trying to be "better" for a while, so  even though the last week or so had been less than stellar (Valentines Day and all the accompanying chocolate - and other - treats) I had still been consuming less junk overall; suffice it to say - some detox discomforts, but only a day's worth, so not as bad as it could have been.

On Saturday, we had our monthly "group date" with some friends from the neighborhood, and after our scheduled activity, we came to my house for "treats."  I used the group as my taste testing group to try out some new no refined sugar, no refined flour treats.  I made two kinds of cookies, they were OK - but not so fantastic that I am dying to make them again... plus an apple cranberry crisp and a chocolate strawberry cheesecake.  (it was supposed to be vegan, calling for dairy free cream cheese, but I couldn't find any, so I just used regular cream cheese. ) The chocolate dessert was the most like a "real dessert" - as it had a lot of dates in the crust & date syrup as a sweetener in the filling.  It was pretty good.  I will make it again for special occasions.  The crisp was also good, but pretty tart.  I think if I make it again, I'll add a few more dates to counteract the tartness from the cranberries.

I spent time on Monday searching for some recipes to try to for dinner.  Monday night I made a "Creamy Broccoli Potato Casserole."  It was pretty labor intensive and while it tasted OK,  I don't know if it was worth the time and effort.  (not to mention it bubbled over in the oven and when trying to bake cornbread tonight, I filled my house AGAIN with smoke and the terrible smell of burning "cashew/nutritional yeast sauce."  I haven't chucked the recipe yet, but it won't be something that is a frequent "go to" recipe. 

Tuesday night I didn't have to make dinner, as we were having a Relief Society dinner, Cafe Rio style salad.  I just chose to build a salad without adding the meat or cheese.  I ate lettuce, beans, rice, salsa, guacamole, tomatoes, and the dressing.  It was good.

Today I made "The Best Chili Sin Carne" - with vegan cornbread on the side.  This recipe was a WINNER!  I thought it was really delicious.  Bryan had a bunch of friends over to go sledding, and they came back planning to build a fire and roast hotdogs.  They found out that we are apparently OUT of hotdogs, so I offered the kids some chili.  ALL FIVE of the teenagers who ate the chili LIKED it.  Sounds like a winner to me!  (I haven't heard yet from Caleb as to whether or not he liked the chili...  but he did say he liked the cornbread.)  I know the cornbread doesn't 100% fit the WFPB parameters, because it calls for oil and sugar, but I made a few adaptations and figured it was still a way better choice than my usual White flour, refined sugar version.  I figure that is my goal, to find ways to make eating a mostly WFPB diet that my family will think is still normal and tasty.  Here are links to the recipes that I used.  I didn't get a picture of the chili - I was too busy helping all the extra teens in the house get their food, and then I was too busy EATING!  I will definitely make this one again!  (here is a picture from the post where I got the recipe. ) 

https://nutriciously.com/wp-json/mv-create/v1/creations/2/print.  (I doubled the recipe.  I didn't have any zucchini, but I had two yellow squash, so I used those.  I also used 1 - 15 oz can of diced tomatoes, and 2- 10 oz cans of Rotel tomatoes with green chilies.) 

https://www.noracooks.com/the-best-vegan-cornbread/.  (i used whole wheat flour instead of white, and cut the sugar to 1/2 cup, using a combo of white and brown.  I think next time I make it I'll try using honey as the sweetener.  I also found that the batter looked way too thick, I assume because I was using whole wheat flour, so I ended up adding more almond milk, no idea how much, just until it looked more like my normal cornbread batter ) 

So - how's it going?  I'm feeling good about things.  I feel like I look a little less bloated.  I haven't had any more "detox headaches."  I had a couple opportunities today to eat "treats" - people at school are always offering such temptations, but I was able to reflect first, and then make a conscious choice to walk away.  I feel good about that.

Four Years Later....

 I just looked at the beginning words of my last post...  talking about feeling super tired and harried.  I have to say, not much has changed- I still feel that way most of the time.  That's not to say that things around here haven't changed.  Since my last post, the world went through a world wide pandemic with Covid-19.  Schools & churches were shut down, businesses shut down, people who seemed to be healthy ended up in ICU and many died or came away with long term complications, other people who seemed unhealthy and at highest risk, got covid and it was nothing more than a regular cold-like illness.  Isolation was really hard on some people, other people loved it and wished things would never go back to "normal."  It really didn't bother me too much.  I kind of liked the slower pace of things.  I didn't necessarily agree with all of the edicts being handed down by "big brother government" - but I also believe that for the most part, people were trying to do their best with the ever changing stream of unknowns and new information coming at them. This post is not meant to be a commentary on Covid or the things that happened, but yes, I fear that some things that took place will be showing their "unintended consequences" for years to come.  I just didn't feel like I could jump into a post, FOUR YEARS LATER, without at least acknowledging that we went through some interesting times in the interim.

Also since it's been 4 years...  here's a very brief family update - Aaron (22),  is married to a darling young lady named Hailee.  We love her and think they are good for each other.  Katrina (19) is currently serving an 18 month mission for our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  She is serving down in the Londrina, Brazil mission and is enjoying the experience, even with all of the challenges that come with it.  Bryan is a jr. in high school and is active in Cross Country, Hope Squad, NHS, Theater, and anything thing else that catches his fancy. Caleb is a freshman in high school and is facing the challenges of adapting to a new school and new "high school drama."  He is much more sensitive to the opinions of others, so HS is going to be more of a minefield for him than for Bryan, but so far, he seems to be doing fairly well.  Tim still works his "regular job" plus his two side jobs as real estate agent & property management / landlord for our investment properties.  I continue to work part time as a 3rd grade teacher's aide.  It is likely I will continue to do that until Caleb graduates from HS, then we are hoping the investments properties will be enough to sustain us, and Tim can take an early retirement and we can spend time traveling, serving, and perhaps even living abroad for a while.  We'll just have to wait and see see if and how that works out.  (here's a couple of more recent photos.  The first picture is when we took everyone to "Evermore," back in October before Katrina left on her mission. (Hailee, Caleb, Bryan, me, Katrina, & Tim) The other was also in October, taken on our Fall Break trip down to Marysvale, Utah.  (Bryan, Katrina, & Caleb in the back, Hailee, Aaron, & Tim in the front.  )

The main reason I decided to try to get back to blogging, is because I am wanting to use this space as a place to track my journey as strive to move to a more whole food plant based way of living. (and the rest of my life as it ebbs and flows, because really, you can't separate the two.)  I have been seriously struggling with my weight for the past 17 years.  I have been living the definition of yo-yo dieting, and it is NOT a healthy way to live, nor is it helping me reach my goals.  I want to be able to serve, travel, play with grandkids, go hiking, be active, etc...  for many years to come - and yet, the reality is that even now, at only 51 years old, my knees ache.  I am a good 50+ lbs overweight.  I am tired and exhausted almost all of the time.  I live on a perpetual rollercoaster of depression.  I have trouble concentrating and focusing on things.  My cholesterol is too high.  In my immediate family, 4/8  of us have been diagnosed with diabetes, and my sister, while not diabetic now, had gestational diabetes while pregnant.  I have long know that diabetes, for me, was probably not an IF, but rather, a WHEN...  Basically, I am NOT living a life (or a life style) that is going to have me in a place where I can still move and hike and play and comfortably travel for the next 10 - 20 years.  I need to figure this out and I need to do it now!  

It's like the saying, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.  The next best time to plant a tree is today.  

It can't be a matter of just going on yet another diet.  Been there, done that.  I need to change my relationship with food and my mental connections with it.   

Here is what I am thinking today:

    * I need to continue to study and educate myself about food addictions & healthy food habits

    *  I need to move to a Whole Food Plant Based way of eating.  No, I don't have to be 100%.  But the  majority of my food needs to be REAL FOOD - and mostly PLANT BASED

    * I need to do regular basic exercises that incorporates both cardio exercise and strength training activity.

I have been led in this direction for a while now, but I haven't been able to make it "stick."  I tend to over complicate things.  Everything I read reminds me that the key to making this type of lifestyle shift is to keep things simple.  That is hard for me.  So my first order of business, in addition to daily reading or listening to something to help me learn and grow in my understanding - is to gather a collection of meals that are 

    1) easy to prepare

    2) whole food plant based

    3) the rest of the family will eat

    4) that I LIKE to eat (taste good!)

One of my biggest hangups in organizing my life and meals - is that it is SO hard for me to meal plan.  it always has been!  Now if you take away all of my "regular" food and "comfort food," I become paralyzed...  with no clue what to make for dinner.  My plan is to test and try a whole bunch of recipes over the next month.  I will evaluate them, then keep only the ones that meet my criteria.  After 2 months, I should have more than enough recipes that I can just rotate through them and not have the battle of trying to figure out something to eat.  

My over all goals:  Yes, I want to lose weight.  By all current medical standards, I am too heavy.  But I am aware that a number on the scale does not accurately reflect the level of a person's health.  I want to lower my cholesterol numbers and  hopefully never have to deal with diabetes.  I want the pain in my joints (knees especially) to decrease (or go away all together).  I want to be able to hike and walk up stairs without getting out of breath.  I want to live at least another 25 - 35 years in a healthy, active way.   So my hope is, that as I strive to eat good, healthy, nutritious foods, I will accomplish my HEALTH goals, and the hope is that the weight will naturally go down in the process.  I am hoping that writing about what I am learning, doing, and experiencing, will help me stay focused, AND help me process and remember what I am learning and feeling.  

Just in the fact of opening this blog back up (which I haven't done for years...)  I went back and read some old posts, and I remember that I enjoy expressing myself and my thoughts through written word.  It helps me think and see more clearly; plus, as I look back, it helps me remember.  Will it work?  will I stick with it?  Who knows.  But I have to try.  (I know, in just my cursory glance at past posts, this is not the first (or even second or third) post of this kind.  But maybe THIS is the time???  I am hopeful (and prayerful) that will be the case.) 

I don't know if anyone will even ever see what I write here.  But since this is for ME - it really doesn't matter.  

If anyone DOES read this - and you made it all the way to the end.  Wow, I'm impressed!  

Have a blessed day.