Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Nobody freak... I'm really OK

Charlotte, thanks for the kind comments in response to my "liar liar" post. Now I'm worried that people are going to freak out and think I've gone completely over the edge... Please, don't call the police, DCFS, or the suicide hot line, I'm really doing ok - (at least today anyway:) I would not have been able to post so "openly" if I was still in the "depths of despair." Its one of my quirks, I can only be open about where I've been AFTER I'm out - or at least on my way out...

Even when I am depressed, I am still cognizant enough to recognize that it is the depression talking - not really me. (That's how I rationalize not treating it thus far... when I can no longer differentiate between the depression talking and reality, then it will be a problem that needs to be addressed. Of course, if that is the case and I am unable to differentiate... i won't know that, will I??? HHHmmmm yet another depression catch 22. Oh well.

HI HO HI HO it's back to the kitchen I go!

liar, liar, pants on fire...

Yesterday I went visiting teaching. At the end of the visit, I asked the normal question, "blah blah blah, is there anything we can do for you?" She answered (you know what's coming don't you?) "no, everything is just fine." My companion asked, "would you tell us if there was something you needed?" Our sweet sister (age 70 or 80 something) laughed and said, "probably not." I just had to laugh, because the night before, my visiting teacher popped in for a few minutes to say hello and drop off a plate of cupcakes. We stood at the door talking for a few minutes, and she asked the "visiting teaching question,"

"how are you doing?"

It's been another rough couple weeks for me, and everything inside me wanted to scream, "I'm depressed; I'm fat; I'm ugly; my house is a total disaster; my children are loud, obnoxious, and disobedient; my yard makes us look like totally trashy people; I want to move because I'm sick of my house, our ward, and the neighborhood; I'm sick of cooking and cleaning and laundry that is NEVER done! I am a horrible wife and a horrible mother! I hate my life!"

Instead of blurting all that out, I smiled and said, "Everything is just great, thanks."

You remember that grade school saying mentioned in the post title? I suspect that the proverbial telephone wire has long since snapped due excessive weight hanging on it, but come on... what are we do do? Can't you just see the look on my poor Visiting teacher's face if I had let it all out? Besides, what could she do about it? Be honest back? Can't you just imagine a response like this,
"Stop self medicating with chocolate and junk food, eat more healthy food and get more exercise, get off your butt and clean your house instead of complaining about it, spend less time on the computer and more time playing with your children, be more organized, go to the temple more frequently, and make reading your scriptures and saying your prayers top priority. THEN, if you are still struggling with depression, go talk to a professional and get the help you need!"

Ya - I already have the answers. In fact, I got up Tuesday and went to work. I had a good day tackling the chaos in my house, and it really did help. (not that you could tell by looking at the house, but I felt better for working at it.) Now it's time for me to get off the computer and work some more.

To all you other liars out there (I know I'm not the the only one) - have a great day and I'll meet you at the telephone wire.

Friday, July 25, 2008

A pondering...

This morning I was reading in the Ensign and I read something that really me think, and I just thought I'd share.

Testimony is to know and to feel, conversion is to do and to become.”
(Elder Oaks)

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and this quote was an answer to many things I had been pondering.

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I have a testimony of His church. I have a testimony of His Gospel and His prophet on the earth today. Apparently what I do NOT have is a solid CONVERSION. In general, I do the basics, but not consistently enough and not with true full purpose of heart. I would say that I have a solid testimony, (I know and feel) but I really am lacking in the "becoming."

So - ponder with me if you wish. I am (once again) choosing to become converted. To BECOME all that I was sent here to become. To spend the rest of my life APPLYING my testimony and working harder at DOING what I need to do, but this time with more of a focus on letting that DOING work within me to help me BECOME.

Do that make sense? Oh well, if not; it makes sense to me, and since it's a personal commitment, I'm the only it needs to make sense to. Ya'll have a great day!

busy busy

Oh man - where does the time go? It's been a week since the birthday party post and while I feel like I've been SO BUSY, don't ask me what I've done, 'cause I'm not sure I could pinpoint anything. (truth be told, I've spend too much time reading blogs and surfing on the computer, but we'll let that go for now...)

Last night we went down to Shayne and Angela's house for a 24th of July get together. (my family) The kids had a great time playing, jumping on the tramp, and lighting fireworks; and we grown ups had a great time eating and visiting.

I got an email from Aaron's school a couple days ago and was shocked to realize that school starts in less than a month. Where did the summer go??? I need to get busy and order his clothes. (I love uniform policies! Not only does it help with behavior and feelings of inclusion in school - it really makes it easier to do the shopping! Speaking of shopping, I need to go out and get him a cub scout shirt. Now that he is 8 we are embarking into the great world of scouting. He was able to do to cub scout day camp the weekend before his birthday, and last week they went and took a tour of the police station. I think he'll love scouting - hope his den mother doesn't go nuts trying to keep him under semi-control.

I am trying to figure out what to do for Katrina in regard to preschool. She misses the school cut of by 2 weeks, so she has another year before starting school. She is totally ready to go. she wants to go. She is reading basic words and books, and she loves it. I loved the preschool that we sent Aaron to, but it is a 20 minute drive away, each way, (which means if I try to come home after dropping her off, then drive back to pick her up - let's just say it adds a lot of time, and gas money to the scenario) and I'm not sure I want to commit to that. I'm looking at one in Springville. It's about the same tuition cost, and closer, but still... What I really think is that I need to be disciplined and do "preschool" at home. It would save lots of money, and be good time spent together. I just know myself so well, and I don't believe I would follow through.

Life just keeps flying along. I better get going and get going on my work for the day.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Happy Birthday Aaron!!!

How time flies! 8 years ago, right at this very moment, I was in the Labor and Delivery room, being stitched up after what ended up being a very long, painful, traumatizing (for me) delivery of my sweet little baby boy. (I'll spare you the details, but it only took them just over an hour to sew me back together, if that gives you any indication of how things went)

Here we are, leaving the hospital with Aaron.

This is Aaron at 1 week old
(I know it's not the greatest picture. We didn't have a digital camera at the time,
and we just have a few scanned photos for me to chose from.)

Today we celebrated with a party in the park - with friends, games, water balloons, root beer floats, and cake. (in case you can't tell - the cake is a ZOO. (I should have forgone on the colored sprinkle walkway, since it muddies up the overall look, but Aaron loved it, and that's really all that matters! and it really did look a little better in person, but you'll just have to take my word on that one) We then had one of Aaron's favorite meals, Hawaiian Haystacks, for dinner.

This is the group of kids at todays party (minus Bryan and TJ (friend) who somehow missed being in the photo)

It was a good day.

Since Aaron is now 8, I will tell you 8 things I love about Aaron.
1) Aaron is very creative
2) Aaron is a natural leader (not always for the right, but we are working on that)
3) Aaron loves music and has natural talent (spoken like a true mother)
4) Aaron has a fun and adventurous spirit
5) Aaron has the ability to be a wonderful and caring big brother (he may not always choose to use this gift, but he definitely has it)
6) Aaron loves animals, nature, and the world around him
7) Aaron loves to laugh and to make others laugh (not always appropriate during primary or school, but a gift none the less)
8) He is my son.

I love you Aaron and I am proud of you!

And now I leave you with a few other photos of Aaron

12 (or was it 14???) stitches after impaling his armpit while climbing to the top of a flag pole.

What a handsome boy on the first day of school last year

What a goof ball. He and Trina were turning themselves into monsters. I came into the room to find this - and NO, it was not a washable marker, in case you are wondering!

Ya just gotta love this kid! and I do.

Monday, July 14, 2008


PROLOGUE - Several weeks ago my friend Holly was watching my kids for me while I was doing something or other, I forget what. When I got there to pick them up, Katrina didn't want to leave. They never do, but this time she gave a unique reason. "Holly's house smells gooder than ours."

STORY - hhhmmmm - guess I'd better be doing something about that eh? I figure it's not totally my fault, we currently have a dog, a cat, a fire-bellied toad, and fish - plus 6 humans, one of which wears diapers that get thrown into trash can, one who still wears pull ups at night and floods the bed on a fairly regular basis. He seems to have an aversion to throwing the wet pull ups into the trash can, so you can generally count on finding it lying on the floor somewhere and at least once a day you'll hear the loving cadence of "Aaron, get this wet pull up off the floor and put in the trash!!!" Throw into the mix a two year old who on occasion get up to go potty during the night (hooray!) but then he gets confused or tangled in his jammies, so he just stand there and pees on the floor.... I do my best, but the odds are definitely working against me here.

Long ago, I tried candles, but I just feel think they are such a safety (fire) hazard, plus the soot and chemicals released the burning... I've tried the plug in air fresheners, and Tim recently bought me some oil diffusers - the cute glass containers that you stick bamboo sticks in and it is supposed to diffuse the scent into the air. They look nice, and they smell good briefly when you flip the sticks over, but they just weren't doing it for me. (lest you think I am just trying to cover up the icky smells with fragrances, I really do my best to clean the house too. Another thing I did over the scout camp week was rent a carpet cleaner and scrub all the carpets. (Actually, I rented the cleaner then paid a friend to scrub while I took the kids to chuck-e-cheese to get then out of the house and off the carpets.)

A while ago I went to a "blogger babes" luncheon at Karlene's and we had a Urban Botanics party. One of the products they sell is a "home collection" - an oil warmer, and the oils to scent your home. I didn't buy it at the time, but drastic times call for drastic measures - so I called Karlene and bought one. I got the "Homemade Gourmet Collection" which has the warmer, and the following oils: Cinnamon, Maple Spice, Peach Blossom, Vanilla, Green Apple, Pomegranate.
I've been having a great time mixing oils. Today is Maple Spice with a hint of Green Apple.

EPILOGUE - Bring it on you animals and people. I am armed and dangerous! Give me you worst - my house will smell scent-sational!!! The kids will still love to go to Holly's and they still won't want to come home when it is time, but it will be because they love Holly, not because her house smells "GOODER" than ours!


As you may have noticed - not much posting here last week. Tim was gone away to scout camp, and I didn't want to announce to the world that I was home alone with the kids. I try to not put too much personal info on my blogs (like where I live, my last name, etc...) But I suspect it wouldn't take a rocket science to figure out who I am where I am - if some psycho really wanted to...

Anyway - I never like it when Tim is gone, but we survived and all in all - we had a pretty good week.

My self assigned project for week was to paint and hang a wallpaper border in Katrina's room. I confess, I am obnoxiously optimistic when it comes to projects. I always way underestimate the time it will take to get it done. (it kind of drive Tim nuts, but mostly just makes him laugh at me...)

With this particular project, my plan was to paint the first coat Monday night, (after kids in bed, of course) then the second coat on Tuesday morning. (before the kids woke up) I'd let the paint dry a couple day while I rearranged and deep cleaned a couple other areas of the house, then hang the new wallpaper border on Friday, re-arrange the furniture in her room, and SURPRISE - house would be all perfect, clean and organized with a new room for Trina by the time Tim got home Saturday.
I won't bore you with the details (including yet another after hours trip to doctor's office with Bryan, and then off to the pharmacy to get and antibiotic for his ear infection) Needless to say, things didn't go exactly as planned, but the good news is that I did get the room done before Tim got home, and I LOVE IT!!!!! (So does Katrina, in case you are wondering) I promise I will take a picture and get it posted, but for now you'll have to be content with a teaser... this photo of the wallpaper border I used is from the Waverly site. (it is a discontinued pattern, but I happened to find a place online that still had 4 rolls on hand.) I did color matching (Sherwan Williams computerized "advanced color matching system") to get paint that matched the color in between the yellow pickets. It is a very light, softish/whitish yellow. I wasn't sure it was going to look ok and I freaked out a couple of times during the process, but when it was done I was in heaven! Everyone that comes to the house get dragged upstairs to ooohhhh and aaahhhh. By the way - did I tell you that I LOVE IT????


Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Caleb Update

Since this is journal blog for me - I want to post a quick update on Caleb. He is growing like a weed! He is now about 17 lbs. and getting to big for his size 3 diapers. This is a problem because Tim recently bought a big case of diapers at Costco and I'm afraid we aren't gong to use them before they are too small. He can sit up now, roll with ease, and scoot/crawls all over the place. He doesn't crawl with his tummy off the ground yet, but he moves pretty quick even so. He is eating things like cheerios and Kix, and he mashed potatoes and gravy tonight that he thought was terrific. He has no clue how to drink from a bottle - he's a nursing purist I guess. He is still a super happy little guy and we love him to death. He's getting a little more "stranger wary, but still nothing compared to the nightmare that Katrina was in that department. He has remainded remarkably healthy considering all the sickness we've been having around here, but I supposed it was took much to expect his luck to hold out forever. He now has a pretty bad cough. Bad enough that I keep thinking maybe I should take him in to the Dr. I haven't done it yet since I am sure they are going to tell me it's virus. Run the humidifier in his room at night, steam him in the bathroom - and all that jazz. Been there done that!

Well, I can see that my little human vacuum has found something else he's not supposed to have - so I'd better go to and fish it out!

a great site for the CHEF in you

Hey - this is just a quick heads up- if you are interested in getting some great tips from a real live "culinary school graduate" chef - (and my own personal friend) Stephanie. She started this website a while ago and I think there are some great things on it. The site is

In the "make a mix" section you will find how to make your own "rice-a-roni" (cheaper and less 'mystery' ingredients), homemade baking mix (aka Bisquik) and there is a recipe for making your own "cream of whatever" soup.

Another really great thing is an alcohol substitution list. I think this is great, because I never knew what to do when a recipe called for some alcoholic beverage.

There are lots and lots and lots of great dessert recipes, and handy tips like what happens when you tomato based products in aluminum foil or your homemade creamy soup base curdles when you add tomatoes. There are recipes and tips for soups, flour tortillas, pasta, freezer meal, and much more. If you have a cooking question - ask her - chances are she know the answer.

SO - pop and in and tell Steph that I sent you. (Actually I don't really care if you tell her I sent you. I just wanted to get the site out to a couple people whom I've told about it, and get it to any of you who would be interesting in checking it out.) (Holly - I'll be looking for that Thai chicken recipe that you made the other night to make an appearance.)

The only thing I don't love is that I find the site a bit hard to navigate. There are things that I know are on there because I read them when they first got posted, - but then I have a hard time finding it again when I am ready to use the information or make the recipe... (that's why I linked to the things I mentioned above. Hopefully the links will work and you can explore from there.)

anyway - if this is something you are interested ENJOY!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Slow and Steady

you know the saying "slow and steady wins the race?" I believe it. I really do. UNLESS you walking the opposite direction on a moving sidewalk and it is set to move at a pace slightly faster than your own slow and steady pace. That's what it is like being a mother. You keep plodding away - the whole slow and steady thing, and you think you are making progress. Then you look around to discover that the little loves in your life are like that perpetual moving sidewalk. WHile it is just fine to go slow and steady, you really do have to trot every third or fourth step to even maintain the status quo. Getting ahead and winning the race? FORGET ABOUT IT!

Great friends - great memories

Back in February I went out to lunch with a few of my great high school friends. From left to right in the photo, they are Leann, Kim, Michelle, and Cheri in front. Here on this 4th of July weekend, I am recalling some great memories. I was in the American Fork Marching Band - AND PROUD!!! Kim Cheri and Leann were in the color guard, and Michelle was our biggest fan and ardent supporter. (except Virgil, of course:) Summer marching meant early morning practices and many long, hot, sweaty parades. (I marched back in the days of the SUPER hot uniforms. I believe the ones they have now are a bit cooler, which would make it a little less torturous.) This photo is of the AF marching band when they went back for the Macey's parade last November. (Deseret news)

I remember nights where we would hang out all night doing a whole bunch of nothing; (cruising in the YUGO) then head out the parade - marching on no sleep. (We maybe weren't the smartest teenagers in the world... but we had a lot of fun!)

I was the section leader for the flute section, and we had a wonderful group. (co-leader actually, Julie A. and I shared the responsibility) I remember the night we had a sectional sleep over at Julie's. She lived near the drum Major's house, and we had planned a little toilet papering surprise for him. One problem - one of the girls had a crush on the drum major (this was a new development and we didn't know) and she told him about our plan. SO, the drum major invited the trumpet section over to his house to "surprise us." MAN oh MAN - what a night that was! Suffice it to say there were water balloons, bright lights, a lot of running and screaming, and all sorts of "fun"!

Another parade memory I love is the year after I Leann, Kim, and I graduated, and Cheri was a senior. It was the day of the PG (strawberry days) parade, and we were going to support Cheri. Leann's little brother Taylor was in a little singing/performing group called Sunshine Generations that would be rising on a float in the parade. Leann was in charge of getting Taylor ready and at the parade on time. She fixed his hair just right then started spraying it with hairspray. I swear she used 1/2 a bottle on that poor kids hair! "It might be windy on the float" We were laughing SO HARD! We watched the parade, cheered for Cheri as she marched by, and made fun of Leann as the Sunshine Generation float passed by. "Leann, his hair moved, get up there quick, more hairspray!!!" I still chuckle just thinking about it. FUN FUN

another GROSS but fun memory - another TP adventure. We had toilet papered a friends house (same Drum major as mentioned before) and they returned the favor, except they added an extra surprise. One of our friends worked a a local fast food place, and when he was there at closing time, he collected all the uneaten food that they throw out at the end of the day, and they added that to the TP mess. IT WAS GROSS! But we made it grosser, by bagging it up, leaving it in a hot shed for a week, then returning it to them!

Running out of time here, and starting to worry that ya'll will think I'm a serious trouble maker, but just for the sake of Me, Cheri, Leann, Michelle, here's a quick list

* fly bys

* Eric the awful

* writing raps

* "funnelmuckers"

* riding in the trunk in order to find out if "HE" likes me

* sleeping on Lonny's lawn

* the Yugo - scrounging up pocket change and anything we could find on the ground to put more gas in the tank.

* sleepovers lasting 3 weeks

* Virgil wearing his Bermuda shorts

* Salt and Peppa

* Camping with Leann - and the crazy camper woman

* station wagons and barricades

* "sexy model" shots on the Kmart kiddie carousel

.... what adventures we had. I love you guys! It was great, but I'm not saying I wanna go back and do it all again. I'll just enjoy the memories and hope my kids are more wise than me!