Here you go Melissa - a new post

My dear friend Melissa has rightly 'chastised' me for not posting for so long. No, Life isn't THAT "disturbing." Right after my last post I got really sick, and I'm still not fully recuperated. I had the whole aches and pains, plus a fever and cough and sore throat and everything. Totally lost my voice for a couple days. Now I am mostly fine, just a lingering cough (mostly at night when I lie down to sleep. The problem now is that Caleb is sick. He was running a 103 temp Saturday - Monday, but now just seem to have a cold. Life is never dull! My house sort of imploded while I was sick, and I still haven't quite got it all back under control.. (Of course, truth be told, it is very rarely under control, sick or not...)

Anyway, my major trial right now is parenting. I went to the library yesterday and checked out some new parenting books that I hope will help me in my quest to be a better parent, particularly in dealing with Aaron. Today I got the 'pleasant' (NOT) surprise of receiving a phone call from the principal at Aaron's school. Apparently, Aaron and 3 other kids used their scissors to drill holes in the desk tops. AARRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! The consensus from the teacher and administrators was that it was just a case of kids not thinking - nothing malicious or purposely destructive.

Then this afternoon I attended his parent teacher conference. (it had already been scheduled, it just happened to fall on the "desk drilling day") His teacher expressed her observations that matched mine, that the past 3 weeks Aaron has been really acting up. It's happening at school and at church. Neither of us can pinpoint what the underlying problem is... I told her that he has asked a couple times in the past few weeks if I could pull him out of school and home school him because he "hates" school. He has also expressed a lot of concern about cursive writing. They've been told that starting in January they need to submit their writing work in cursive, and Aaron feels he can't do it.

I can't help but feel that the behavior problems are directly related to his low self-esteem and low self-confidence issues. I also can't help but think that I am the main reason behind these feelings of inadequacy. While I don't do it on purpose, I fear that I use shame techniques and am too "emotionally unavailable" to him (and to everyone else). The trouble is, I don't know how to fix myself!

Tim did a great job talking to Aaron tonight about choices and consequences. Aaron is going to be grounded for the next few days from all TV and Computer use, and he will be doing some extra jobs around the house to earn money which he will then donate to the school to make some restitution for the damage done. He (and the other kids involved) will be missing a few recesses and they will spend that recess time doing service in the school (like picking up trash, cleaning scuff marks from the gym floor, etc...)

On the drive home, Aaron cried and said I don't love him, and that his teacher yells at him all the time and is always mad at him. (I know she does ask him to be quiet often, since he is always talking out during class and has real trouble staying on task and completing his work) Tonight while Tim and I met with him to discuss the problems, I asked Aaron what Tim and I can do to show him and help him know that we love him. He said that I am always spending my time cleaning the kitchen and I never play with him. He wants me to stop cleaning and play more games and spend more time with him. Tim pointed out to Aaron that one of the reasons I have to clean all the time is because he and the other kids are always making giant messes and not cleaning them up.

I guess the good news is that I have a place to start. I will be focusing on getting my cleaning done earlier in the day and spending more time playing with the kids.

This parenting thing is SO hard. I just feel like I don't have a clue what I'm doing, and I worry that I'm ruining my children. (It doesn't help that Caleb still isn't sleeping well (due to being sick) and I am majorly sleep deprived! Oh well. Nobody said life was going to be easy!


How was that Melissa? Betcha now you wish I had waited to put on a happier post. Oh well. I do actually have a couple fun and happy posts in my head, I just can't ever seem to make the time to get them posted. maybe tomorrow. (you know how it is with sick kids, you just sit and hold them all day long...) love ya bunches - glad ya missed me.

sick day/weekend report

Nothing exciting here - just an "I'm sick post." (laced with lots and lots of LDS lingo) so feel free to move on...

I stayed home from church today, keeping Bryan and Caleb with me. Yesterday I woke up with a horrible, awful, terrible, sore throat. (also stuffy nose and all over general body aches... but the sore throat was the worst) I knew there was no way I could do the singing in Primary, so I got a sub. I don't do that very often. I love my calling, and the prideful side of me is pretty possessive it, thinking that NO ONE else could do possibly my job as well as I do! (is that asking for a lightening bolt or WHAT???) Just to be clear here, I KNOW there are lots and lots of people in my ward with more sheer musical talent, but I think I am a pretty good mix of basic musical ability, fun (albeit quirky) disposition, and overall ability to keep the kids attention (the majority of the time))
ANYWAY - my pride notwithstanding, I got a sub and stayed home. I was really hoping for a 2 hour nap, but it was not meant to be. I finally got Caleb to sleep about 10 minutes before the rest of the family got home. Oh well, that's life.

Yesterday Tim decided it was "paint the playground" day. Since we bought a wooden set, the wood is supposed to be sealed once a year, preferably in the fall, to protect it from the elements. Tell me again - why did we buy a WOODEN SET??? Tim bought a couple paints that are supposed to protect for 3 - 5 years. We'll have to see how they live up to their claims. We painted for about 1 1/2 hours, then I got Aaron and Katrina and myself ready to go over to the church to see Aaron's two friends, TJ and Rebecca, be baptized. then we came home, changed back into painting attire and painted for several more hours. I WAS MISERABLE! (I probably made Tim miserable too, for that matter, what with all my wheezing, whining, and "poor sick me sighing.") Then at 4:30 I came in, showered and got dressed up again to go over to the general Relief Society broadcast. It was nice. I really enjoyed Sister Becks talk and for a brief moment, felt up to the challenge of "doing more." - then my stuffy head and overall feeling of exhaustion took over and I'm afraid I didn't get a whole lot out of the next two talks. (although I did get the message loud and clear that I need to be attending the temple on a more regular basis.)

I enjoyed President Uchtdorf's talk. He is just a fun person to listen to. I rode over with my friend Holly, and on the way home she summed it up perfectly when she said after his talks she always feels better about herself. I agree. I think he often manages to hit perfectly that balance between encouraging me to do a little better and try a little harder, while making me feel that I am loved and accepted just as I am. Exactly WHAT he said (aside from that his wife is a great cook and all he can make is eggs and toast) is still rather a blur in my stuffy fuzzy head, but I took some notes, and hopefully they will make sense when I pull them back out to review.

I am totally excited for General Conference coming up this weekend. It is always such a wonderful spiritual boost for me. (was even more so when I could actually sit and listen and HEAR what they were saying - it's a bit trickier with children, but still WONDERFUL!!!

I think that's about it. I am tired. I'm hoping for a good night's sleep tonight, but Caleb has a cold, and I think he is finally going to cut some teeth - so he's not sleeping well (what's new eh?) and a little extra crabby. I think I just heard Tim come home (from a home teaching appt) I know he's supposed to be going out soon to collect fast offerings, then has another home teaching appt at 8:00. I'm thinking if I want to see my husband today, I'd better go up and visit with him now.

thanks for listening. blah blah blah....