Monday, March 18, 2019

Hello again - here's what I've been up to

March 18, 2019

Well, I obviously took a long break from any thing “miraculous” happening in my mornings.  I have felt super tired and harried.  It actually feels kind of good to be up early and hopeful that today will be a good productive day.

It would be too hard to go back through and detail everything that has been going on, but I’ll hit a few highlights.

March 3rd, Tim was called to be the 2nd counselor in the bishopric of our ward.  Yes, I realize that I did make two journal entries since after it happened in which I didn’t mention it - I had been in a bit of a rush both of those days and wanted to be able to give it proper thought and detail - now I have the time... but I can’t remember “detailed” anything that I felt or experienced two whole weeks ago, so you get the blurb announcement and I’ll move on.

March 10th (last Sunday) - both Katrina and Tim spoke in sacrament meeting.  The topic was the temple - how  attending the temple blesses their lives.  They both did a great job.  I am continually so impressed with Katrina.  Her strength of testimony, her ability to articulate things.  Some people have great “doctrinal” information to share, but the delivery is so halted or difficult to follow or listen to, that you miss out on really getting much of value from the talk.  Other people have great personalities and delivery, but the structure and doctrinal content is lacking, so even though you might be entertained by them, you aren’t really edified.  Katrina nailed it!  Both delivery and content.   Tim also did a great job.  He is so NOT comfortable with public speaking, yet he really does do a great job - as long as he has time to prepare something.  He does not do quite as well if he has to “wing it.”

Another thing that's been happening -  Aaron was gone to New Mexico all last week.  He left Saturday, the 9th, at 7am and got home on Saturday, the 16th, at 9pm.  He was at Philmont scout camp, participating in BSA's “Camp School.”  It means that now he could be a climbing director (or assistant director right now since he’s not 21) at any BSA camp.

I have been up to my eyeballs in scout stuff.  Both Caleb and Bryan participated in the BYU scout POWWOW (march 2nd & 16th)  We went to the 2nd session on Saturday and both boys completed all 3 of their chosen Merit Badges.   (Which meant we were working on a lot of scout homework on the "in between" weeks,  including Caleb's 8 hours of service needed for the citizenship in the community badge).  I probably already mentioned that Bryan advanced to the rank of Life scout at the end of February and is now moving forward with eagle project stuff.  He was able to contact someone from camp MIA Shalom (a church camp used mainly to host girls camps) and they had a project for him to consider, building 4 sets of corn-hole games.  They need them completed before the start of this camping season, so by June 1st.  It puts us in a bit of a time crunch, but it will be good to get it done and out of the way.  We spent a bunch of time yesterday filling out the “Project proposal” portion of the workbook, and hope to gather the signatures needed in order for him to present it to the approval board on Thursday.

This weekend, Tim will be taking the boys up to a “Merit Badge Adventure” up at camp Maple Dell.  Caleb will be working on some “trail to first class” requirements, and Bryan is going to attempt to earn his Welding merit badge.  (he was signed up to do the climbing merit badge, but then he found out that troop 707 is doing the climbing merit badge in April, so he might as well do that one with them, and do something else at this event.

Um, let’s see.  Another thing I am busy with - last Sunday, March 10th, we started back up with the stake choir as we prepare for our annual Easter fireside on April 14th.  As the stake music chairman, it was my job to get all the music pulled from the stake music library so it was ready to go, plus I hang the advertisement posters, send the reminder emails, keep the attendance rolls up to date, and other behind the scenes stuff like that.  I LOVE the songs we will be singing, and I am excited that Brother Ryan Murphy (associate director of the Tabernacle Choir) will be our guest conductor that night.  He is super fun to sing with!  (He is good friends with our stake choir director, Jim Kasen, so we've had him come before to rehearse with us, or as a guest conductor.  We've actually had Mack Wilberg come too, which was super cool. 

I think that is the “fire hose” version of what’s been happening in my life for the past couple weeks.  It has been busy, which has been compounded by my sleeping and staying up too late on most nights.  Hoping to rectify that.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

or not...?

I’m sitting here, 15 minutes before i need to leave for work, and it is seriously a BATTLE to keep my eyes open.  My watch buzzed me awake at 5, and I promptly fell back asleep.  Finally got up at 6:50, just in time to get dressed and eat breakfast, have family scripture, and drive the kiddos to school.

I guess my question this morning is;  How is it, that I did so well for over 30 days.  Up by 5 am EVERY SINGLE DAY… accomplishing good positive things first thing in the morning, EVERY morning, then suddenly I lose all ability to control myself? It’s just messed up.  You would think that once the habit is established - and once I’ve seen and experienced the “fruits” of that positive habit… that maintaining it would be more natural and…  well…  EASIER!  Instead, I am finding the  opposite to be true - it seems harder than ever for me.  I just don’t get it.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

back in the saddle?

March 5, 2019 Wow - it’s been a few days. In my last entry, I mentioned working on Bryan’s project… well, last Wednesday night we stayed up late finishing it. I knew we had stuff that would keep us busy on Thursday, so we stayed up late getting it done and he turned it in on Thursday instead of Friday. I think it turned out amazing.

I'm posting a picture here, but I know it is too hard to read the papers in the corners.
 One corner is the “Wall of Fame” and has a few of our more “famous” or outwardly noteworthy ancestors. (Charles C Rich, early apostle of the church; Lavina Christensen Fugal, 1955 American mother of the year; Thomas E Ricks, founder of Rick college)
Another corner is a timeline of the year when each basic family line came to Utah. (using the 8 ancestors at his the level of his great grandparents - Mellor, Campbell, Yost, Ricks, Fugal, Robinson, Allred, Strickland)
Another corner was “characteristics of my ancestors that live on in me” (hard work, love of music, theater/acting, strong faith)
and the last corner was “What’s in a name” where he explained the meaning & origin of his name, plus the origins of the 4 family names of his grandparents (Mellor, Yost, Fugal, & Allred) 

Anyway - We stayed up late Thursday night, I got up early the next day to work out… we had a crazy busy day on Thursday with school, after school robotics class, scout court of honor, then the camp JJ parent meeting. By the time I was getting in bed, I was beat and decided I was not getting up early on Friday - that my body needed sleep. So I didn’t get up at 5 when my watch beeped at me. Saturday I got up early enough for bountiful baskets, but not early enough to do my miracle morning routine first, then I went straight from there, back home to pick up the boys then off to BYU scout powwow. Then Caleb has his service project (for citizenship in the community), then a little housework here at home, then off to the temple.

Sunday I also rebelled and slept in. Monday too. Mornings have never really been “my thing.” I am much more of a night person. That being said, I CAN still see that getting up early and following a morning routine is good for me. I’m still not sure I have the “right” routine for me… and it is super hard because I have the 3 days a week when I have Bountiful Baskets, or my workout that mess with the schedule, and I still haven’t figured out the best way to work around that… But for today I am up, and now I have 3 minutes to get to my workout.  Good thing it is only a couple minutes away!

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Good morning. It is 6:00 and i just got up. (late, I know. But in my defense, I was up late. Yesterday was a good day pretty routine. Workout, take Katrina, send boys off, get ready for work, work, come home. Help kids with homework, make dinner.

 Bryan is working a big project that is due Friday - the culmination of a term long project he’s been working on for history. We enlisted the help of my (graphic designer) friend DeDe who took my little idea of using vinyl to cut out the family tree names to use on the tri-fold board display… and she turned it into an actual vinyl tree that will cover almost the entire board and then the written parts will fill in any empty spaces around the tree. I think it is going to look pretty cool. She’s going to work on transferring the tree today, then this afternoon Bryan and I will attach the names and start figuring out what other data to to include and how to best lay it out around the tree.

 I’ve been reading the book “Like Dragons Did They Fight” which is a book put out by a group that helps people fight sexual addictions, but as I said yesterday, they let you know the principles apply to much more than addiction.  It has been interesting to read about the chemicals released in the brain that affect our decision making ability. I have been trying to read it from the perspective of ME - trying to battle my own addictions with food and exercise, and just keeping Aaron in the back of my mind - attempting to have great empathy and understanding. I think I have learned some good things… I’ll keep reading and keep applying the principles taught and see how it works for me, then i’ll have a better frame of reference to talk to Aaron (and the other kids actually) about it.

I actually had a good talk with Bryan about some things as we drove to Hobby Lobby to buy vinyl for the tree.  He had been in Aaron's room and saw the e-cigarette device, and he told me about it.  I talked to him pretty straight about Aaron's addictions and how he continues to try to cover up the pain in life with "stuff" instead of facing it and working through it.   I talked to Bryan about the importance of learning from others experiences - then you don't have to go through it yourself.  I am hoping that by being more upfront and open NOW, I can help prevent Bryan and Caleb making similar choices down  the road.  I am trying to help us ALL LEARN from Aaron's experiences.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

strep, weight, and perspective

Let’s see. What did I do yesterday? Monday? Oh yeah… (I just went back and read what I wrote in the morning, and that jarred my memory a little bit.) I dropped off the other kids at school and then took Caleb to the Dr. YUP, just as I thought - he has strep. I picked up the prescription, then left him here at home and I went to work. It was a good enough day at work, but there is one little boy who really seems to be going through a hard time right now. For the past 3-4 weeks he has just been on the edge, and it takes the tiniest little things to shove him over - resulting in major behavioral issues. I feel bad for him - but I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk about what’s bothering him, but there is certainly SOMETHING going on. I wish I knew how to help him. The weather yesterday was beautiful and today is supposed to be just as nice! (like up in the 40’s) I think I’ll go for a walk today. I’ve been thinking a lot about Aaron (of course) and his addictions, and I was watching a video that said something along the lines of “I know most of you have come here because you want to help someone else, but I want you to stop and think about the last time YOU fell short of a goal you had for yourself. The last time that YOU didn’t follow through on a commitment you had made to yourself to do something that you knew you should do. (I of course thought of how I’ve been trying to lose weight for about 10 years now. I lose 10 - 20 lbs, then I gain it all back, PLUS some. Right now, I am at sitting at another all time HIGH weight. Why haven’t I been able to “quit?” Why don’t I have the “will power” to stop eating garbage and exercise more? Thinking about this perspective has helped me realize that there are no simple answers here. I am also trying to figure out a new game plan to tackle my OWN demons… maybe I need to start trying to be an example instead of a “preacher.”

Monday, February 25, 2019

nothing to say -

Once again, not a lot to say this morning, as I said it all last night, right before going to bed. But I am checking. Caleb just work up and his throat is really hurting. Fever was 102. Gave him some ibuprophen and sent him back to bed. Will take him in to the Dr. this morning to get a strep test. He’ll be staying home from school today. The rest of the day looks pretty routine (and for now Mondays are my most laid-back days. (in two weeks community scout troop meetings are moving to Monday, but I think it will be a good thing… Thursdays are often so jam packed - this will help alleviate that, and we’re done by 7, so FHE can still happen

Sunday, February 24, 2019

a busy weekend

wowsers!  it was a busy weekend.

I did get up early on Saturday, but instead of doing my miracle morning routine, I did research on possible addiction recovery resources that might help Aaron.  (I ended up having a long and honest conversation with Aaron on Friday night.  I don't really believe it was an accident, I believe it was totally the result of following a prompting by the spirit.) . I won't go into detail - because it was a LONG conversation, and it involved a lot of personal things, but while I became privy to information that I wish was NOT true, I am feeling grateful that we were in a place where we were communicating openly and honestly about hard things.  Where do we go from here?  I have no idea - but I am feeling confident that if I can do my best to stay in tune with the spirit, I will be better able to handle things calmly when they get thrown at me.

I was grateful to go to the temple yesterday, it was a crazy day when very little actually went as planned, but for that 2 hours, I got to enjoy the peace and perspective that the temple brings.

A moderately busy week ahead - probably busier than I am seeing right now, but nothing that should be super overwhelming.  Caleb had a fever and sore throat today, so I am hoping he feels better tomorrow, or I have to decide whether to keep him home or not.  Obviously, if he has a fever he will stay home.

Life is good.  I am grateful for my life and all the good things in it.