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I WAS doing really well. Everyday from Jan 1st until Sunday I cleaned the kitchen. It looked great. I felt good about it and what I was getting done each day. Because the house was cleaner, I felt free to take more time to read my scriptures, play and do school time with Trina and Bryan, do other "fun" things etc... and I was just all around happier.
Sunday threw me a curve ball when all day I felt like the house slave.
My day went pretty much like this: make breakfast, clean up some of breakfast, get everyone ready and to church by 9, come home and make lunch, clean up again, throw together cheesy potatoes for dinner and start the ham cooking, go to choir practice, come home, finish making preparations for dinner, eat dinner, clean up some of dinner (not much since at this point I was SICK of the the kitchen and well into QUITTING/mad at the world mode, then went to yet another meeting.
When I got home, Tim had done some cleaning up, but not a lot. (inhis defense I left all four kids home with him while iI was gone.) I just couldn't bring myself to clean it up, so I went to bed. Monday I had a dr. appt, so by the time I got back to the kitchen Monday afternoon, there were dishes from Sunday night, Monday morning, and Monday lunch all waiting for me. I was overwhlemed and frustrated that all of my effort and hard work was so easily undone, and while I made a few half-hearted stabs at restoring the order, I have yet to earn another "clean the kitchen" point - which in turn leads to feelings of the BLAHS, which leads to not doing other things on my list, which leads to more BLAH feelings. You get the general idea.
I HAVE gone walking each night this week, and that is good. We have started running 1 lap of each mile. Not much yet, I know, but we will SLOWLY work to increase that amount. I am going to try tomorrow to buckle down and get the kitchen cleaned up again. It really does make SUCH a difference in my mood. It is just so tough to maintain. I feel like I am climbing a huge mountain, hard enough for me to climb in and of itself, with people just hanging onto me trying to pull me back down. I am living the proverbial one step forward and two steps back - only mine is more like 1 step forward 10 steps back...
Well - here's hoping that tomorrow I have a super great day and you see the graph on the "jeri's goals" tracker shoot back up again!.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
HOORAY - a great day!!!
Finally - today was a great day.
Yesterday was another really rough, depressed day; and I was starting to wonder if it would ever end. I told Tim that maybe it was time for me to try using St John's Wort again, or something else to try to help me even out these horrible ups and downs. mostly downs recently. (I took St John's Wort about 9 years ago and felt like it really helped even me out, but I had to stop taking it once we decided to start our family since it has abortive side effects. So there I was, sitting there last night planning to go buy the herbs today, and I realized that before I start trying to find an external fix to my problems... I'd better stop, REPENT, and do any internal fixing that I could first. (I've been staying up later and later, getting up later and later, no exercise, junk food, etc... I couldn't find the will to make myself clean the kitchen/house, yet looking at and being in the mess made things seem SO much more insurmountable. It's really a Vicious cycle! I went to bed last night determined to give today my best effort and SURPRISE!!! It worked! (I think all the scriptures about people being quick to forget, and slow to remember their God - were written about me!)
SO - this morning I was up and dressed by 7:30, spent some time talking to Aaron and praising him for getting himself up and totally ready to go to school quickly and without being asked or prodded (aka nagged). Ate a healthy breakfast. Read my scriptures. (something I've been slacking in) cleaned up the kitchen. read scriptures to Katrina and Bryan. cleaned up kids rooms (they helped). made bread. I made the conscious effort to notice and comment about all the positive things my children did throughout the day. Katrina was very helpful throughout most of the day, and was focusing on practicing using good manners. It was really darling, because she was "teaching" Bryan how to do the same. ("Bryan, say may I have a drink of water please?") Very cute.
When I picked Aaron up from school I asked how his day had been. His reply was "great!" (this was a pleasant change, and I asked why it was so great. His reply, "I learned something today. I learned that school is more fun when you do your work instead of talk." Wow! what a great revelation. He proceeded to tell me that he was talking (of course) during literacy time, and his teacher reminded him that he is trying to earn his shark by not talking to others during class time - an working hard to complete his work. (it's a baby shark preserved in a jar that he has been trying to earn.) He said that when his teacher reminded him, he stopped talking, and he was totally amazed to find that once he stopped talking, and I quote, "I finished my work in like 3 minutes!"
All in all, it was a really great day. My dear friend Holly and i used to go walking every morning at 6:20. When Holly went back to work (at 6 in the morning) at the first of November our walking came to an abrupt halt. Since then, I have done ZERO exercise. (is it any wonder I've been in a slump?) We have decided that since we can't go in the mornings anymore, we will go at at night, after the kids are supposed to be in bed. Hopefully we will be able to get the kids into a solid routine so that Tim won't resent me leaving every night and leaving the kids for him to get off to bed. Tonight was our first night walking, and we are trying out walking at an indoor track rather than walking outside in the COLD and DARK! While I don't like that we have to DRIVE to get there, and I know that Jasmine really enjoys getting out and walking with us, it was really nice to walk at the track tonight. We found that we walked a lot faster and at a more steady speed than we do when we walk outside. We went just over 2 miles tonight in under an hour. (it was about 45 minutes I think.) Our goal is to walk for the rest of December, and then in January introduce a bit of jogging into the mix, a little at a time. We both really don't like the whole running thing at all, but figure we need to raise the bar a bit since right now we are mostly just "maintaining." (the "we" in that last sentence means ME mostly, she's actually down a pant size... GO HOLLY!) Anyway, it felt really great to be walking (and talking) again. I have really missed our morning visits. I know that it is better for the body to exercise in the morning , so that my metabolism can be fired up for the day, but hey, this is WAY better than the whole month of NOTHING that I have been doing.
Anyway, it is PAST bedtime again (11:45 right now) - but I just didn't want to go to bed without being thankful for such a great day!
Yesterday was another really rough, depressed day; and I was starting to wonder if it would ever end. I told Tim that maybe it was time for me to try using St John's Wort again, or something else to try to help me even out these horrible ups and downs. mostly downs recently. (I took St John's Wort about 9 years ago and felt like it really helped even me out, but I had to stop taking it once we decided to start our family since it has abortive side effects. So there I was, sitting there last night planning to go buy the herbs today, and I realized that before I start trying to find an external fix to my problems... I'd better stop, REPENT, and do any internal fixing that I could first. (I've been staying up later and later, getting up later and later, no exercise, junk food, etc... I couldn't find the will to make myself clean the kitchen/house, yet looking at and being in the mess made things seem SO much more insurmountable. It's really a Vicious cycle! I went to bed last night determined to give today my best effort and SURPRISE!!! It worked! (I think all the scriptures about people being quick to forget, and slow to remember their God - were written about me!)
SO - this morning I was up and dressed by 7:30, spent some time talking to Aaron and praising him for getting himself up and totally ready to go to school quickly and without being asked or prodded (aka nagged). Ate a healthy breakfast. Read my scriptures. (something I've been slacking in) cleaned up the kitchen. read scriptures to Katrina and Bryan. cleaned up kids rooms (they helped). made bread. I made the conscious effort to notice and comment about all the positive things my children did throughout the day. Katrina was very helpful throughout most of the day, and was focusing on practicing using good manners. It was really darling, because she was "teaching" Bryan how to do the same. ("Bryan, say may I have a drink of water please?") Very cute.
When I picked Aaron up from school I asked how his day had been. His reply was "great!" (this was a pleasant change, and I asked why it was so great. His reply, "I learned something today. I learned that school is more fun when you do your work instead of talk." Wow! what a great revelation. He proceeded to tell me that he was talking (of course) during literacy time, and his teacher reminded him that he is trying to earn his shark by not talking to others during class time - an working hard to complete his work. (it's a baby shark preserved in a jar that he has been trying to earn.) He said that when his teacher reminded him, he stopped talking, and he was totally amazed to find that once he stopped talking, and I quote, "I finished my work in like 3 minutes!"
All in all, it was a really great day. My dear friend Holly and i used to go walking every morning at 6:20. When Holly went back to work (at 6 in the morning) at the first of November our walking came to an abrupt halt. Since then, I have done ZERO exercise. (is it any wonder I've been in a slump?) We have decided that since we can't go in the mornings anymore, we will go at at night, after the kids are supposed to be in bed. Hopefully we will be able to get the kids into a solid routine so that Tim won't resent me leaving every night and leaving the kids for him to get off to bed. Tonight was our first night walking, and we are trying out walking at an indoor track rather than walking outside in the COLD and DARK! While I don't like that we have to DRIVE to get there, and I know that Jasmine really enjoys getting out and walking with us, it was really nice to walk at the track tonight. We found that we walked a lot faster and at a more steady speed than we do when we walk outside. We went just over 2 miles tonight in under an hour. (it was about 45 minutes I think.) Our goal is to walk for the rest of December, and then in January introduce a bit of jogging into the mix, a little at a time. We both really don't like the whole running thing at all, but figure we need to raise the bar a bit since right now we are mostly just "maintaining." (the "we" in that last sentence means ME mostly, she's actually down a pant size... GO HOLLY!) Anyway, it felt really great to be walking (and talking) again. I have really missed our morning visits. I know that it is better for the body to exercise in the morning , so that my metabolism can be fired up for the day, but hey, this is WAY better than the whole month of NOTHING that I have been doing.
Anyway, it is PAST bedtime again (11:45 right now) - but I just didn't want to go to bed without being thankful for such a great day!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
hanging in there
hey all - you are so good to me. I am hanging in. JEN - I'd love the name of the energy worker you see (or her recommendation for someone down here in happy valley:) Melissa - the book "feelings buried alive never die" is one of the ones that was recommended to me. I put in a request for it at the library and I'm waiting for it to come back in.
Last Saturday I had a great time going out to the movies with some friends. I haven't been to a movie in a Movie theatre since Aaron was a baby - yup, 8 years ago! My college and post mission buddy Mercy had some up for the weekend, and her sister Harmony set it all up. We saw the movie Errand of Angels and went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream afterwards. YUM YUM! The movie? It was just as "too loud"as I remember, and the plot was pretty slow paced and predictable, but since all 4 of us were returned missionaries, we laughed at many of the things that were "so true." It was a nice break from the kids, and it was wonderful to see and visit with Mercy again. It has been a LONG LONG time. TOO LONG. Let me tell you about Mercy. (now, I know as her sister, Harmony might have a different description, but this is my blog and my point of view, so that what you get - so there.) Mercy is the perfect blend of fun spontaneity and responsibility. She is someone you can totally count on to follow through and do whatever she has committed to do. At the same time, she is so much fun! Upbeat and enthusiastic about everything. She was a breathe of fresh air! (i have a picture to post, but I'll have to do it tomorrow because it is on the computer downstairs and I am just too lazy to go ALL the way down there. whine whine...)
Harm's friend Stacy came too, and let me tell you - she is a riot! I went to check out her blog the next day, and while I meant to just pop in and check it out, I spent over an hour reading and laughing right out loud. If you are in the mood for a laugh - go check her out.
Lets see - what else has been going on??? Katrina was sick (103 fever) last night, but seems fine today. Aaron has a 103.4 fever tonight. wonder what's going on... hoping Caleb doesn't get it.
Caleb isn't sleeping well lately. My best guess is that he gets hungry and wakes up. I feel like my milk is starting to slow down, but he won't take a bottle, so I don't know what to do for him. SO - I nurse him about every 2 hours all night! (yes, it makes me really tired and crabby.)
Took the van into the shop on Tuesday and it still isn't done. I still have a vehicle, since we have the truck, but it is such a pain to get kids in and out of the truck - I am ready to have my van back. Hopefully tomorrow.
I have been trying really hard to eat well this past week. Sprouts, salads, spinach, whole grains, more balanced meals in general, and less sugar. I might feel better - but with the added stress of sick kids and decreased sleep - it is too hard to tell for sure if I feel better or not.
We were rewarding the kids with "treats" when they did good things, but neither of us felt really good about that, but couldn't figure out anything better. We are now doing "beads." They each have a strand that they are collecting bead on, and when they fill it up, they get a Prize (like chuck-e-cheese or swimming or bowling) So far they are loving it - and it is good for me because I look for things all throughout the day that I can reward, which I wasn't doing before because I didn't want them to have more sugar.
Monday we went to the zoo and had a great time as a family. I'll post a bunch of pictures, but this post is already too long, so I'll make it another post. LATER -
Last Saturday I had a great time going out to the movies with some friends. I haven't been to a movie in a Movie theatre since Aaron was a baby - yup, 8 years ago! My college and post mission buddy Mercy had some up for the weekend, and her sister Harmony set it all up. We saw the movie Errand of Angels and went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream afterwards. YUM YUM! The movie? It was just as "too loud"as I remember, and the plot was pretty slow paced and predictable, but since all 4 of us were returned missionaries, we laughed at many of the things that were "so true." It was a nice break from the kids, and it was wonderful to see and visit with Mercy again. It has been a LONG LONG time. TOO LONG. Let me tell you about Mercy. (now, I know as her sister, Harmony might have a different description, but this is my blog and my point of view, so that what you get - so there.) Mercy is the perfect blend of fun spontaneity and responsibility. She is someone you can totally count on to follow through and do whatever she has committed to do. At the same time, she is so much fun! Upbeat and enthusiastic about everything. She was a breathe of fresh air! (i have a picture to post, but I'll have to do it tomorrow because it is on the computer downstairs and I am just too lazy to go ALL the way down there. whine whine...)
Harm's friend Stacy came too, and let me tell you - she is a riot! I went to check out her blog the next day, and while I meant to just pop in and check it out, I spent over an hour reading and laughing right out loud. If you are in the mood for a laugh - go check her out.
Lets see - what else has been going on??? Katrina was sick (103 fever) last night, but seems fine today. Aaron has a 103.4 fever tonight. wonder what's going on... hoping Caleb doesn't get it.
Caleb isn't sleeping well lately. My best guess is that he gets hungry and wakes up. I feel like my milk is starting to slow down, but he won't take a bottle, so I don't know what to do for him. SO - I nurse him about every 2 hours all night! (yes, it makes me really tired and crabby.)
Took the van into the shop on Tuesday and it still isn't done. I still have a vehicle, since we have the truck, but it is such a pain to get kids in and out of the truck - I am ready to have my van back. Hopefully tomorrow.
I have been trying really hard to eat well this past week. Sprouts, salads, spinach, whole grains, more balanced meals in general, and less sugar. I might feel better - but with the added stress of sick kids and decreased sleep - it is too hard to tell for sure if I feel better or not.
We were rewarding the kids with "treats" when they did good things, but neither of us felt really good about that, but couldn't figure out anything better. We are now doing "beads." They each have a strand that they are collecting bead on, and when they fill it up, they get a Prize (like chuck-e-cheese or swimming or bowling) So far they are loving it - and it is good for me because I look for things all throughout the day that I can reward, which I wasn't doing before because I didn't want them to have more sugar.
Monday we went to the zoo and had a great time as a family. I'll post a bunch of pictures, but this post is already too long, so I'll make it another post. LATER -
Friday, August 29, 2008
Strange...
I went to day to a holistic healer person. (don't know what to call her; she does Cranio-sacral Therapy, energy balancing, she's a "master herbalist," does generational healing and nutritional counseling... and more.
Why did I go? you might ask. I just haven't felt WELL lately. as you know from my blog, I've been fighting anxiety, depression, and a general feeling of the blahs. Nothing to specifically point too, but I knew something was off. I picked up her flier in a health food store/cafe a while back and have been meaning to call her for a while now. Her flier says, in part, "using the Holistic Health Detective Method, we can reveal your body's priorities for healing and balancing the Body, Mind, and Spirit..."
Apparently my priority is fixing my diet I got a whole lot of Nutritional counseling. (tim will be glad to hear that) According to the energy testing she did on me, I am deficient in Iron, Calcium, and magnesium, and my nervous system is shot. (thus explaining the low energy, restless leg, occasional muscle twitches and spasms, etc... She gave me some instruction on herbs and foods that I need to include/increase in my diet, and some instruction on "eating from the earth," everything in its "season." She gave me some books to read and encouraged me to spend some time studying herbs and food.
She also "read" from my "energy" that I need to take time for me. That my spirit keeps saying "when is it my turn?" Many of the things she said in this regard were right on the money, but the "skeptic" in me kept thinking - "this same thing could be said for just about every mother of young children. Just because she's right on the mark, doesn't mean she can really just "READ" my spirit."
Anyway, one thing she said was that I need to focus on identifying "gifts" that I have been given. That she saw in me a lot of "artistic" tendencies that I had basically done nothing with. Not necessarily art as in painting, but art as in creating things.
Her 'testing' said that I don't believe it is okay to say NO, and that while I believe that God loves me, that I don't love myself. Then she did some strange thing where first I was "centered" then she tested to see if I was "fully present" (apparently I wasn't, I was only about 85% there, so then she had me do a breathing exercise - this might have been the "centering" part, I forget...the she called the rest of me to come - I can't really explain it, but there was a slight difference in how I felt, slightly heavier or something like that) Then she had me keep doing the breathing thing, while she said something about removing the untrue belief that I am not lovable or something like that. Then after waiting a minutes, she said something about not leaving a void where the untruth had been and needing to fill it with truth. She then said some things about loving myself and other stuff, but I really can't remember what she said (hope it wasn't important to remember) It was so weird, because as she finished saying this stuff, I felt the strangest sensation. Like i was spinning, and like my insides were lightening or melting or something. It almost felt like I wasn't gong to be able to lift my arms or control my moments for a minute. I felt a little dizzy'ish - but not really. It was so strange. I wish I understood more.
Anyway - after all this, I felt fine and good and I felt like I could take on this challenge and learn what I needed to do to change my diet and help my body (and my family) be healthier and as a result, be happier. I felt his way for like 3 hours, until just now when I got home. As soon as I walked into the house, I felt depressed and overwhelmed and like it was all just too much to overcome.
Am I Crazy or what? I am still trying to process it. Even as I type this, I feel like it is too personal to blog about, but I need an outlet to write it down and in so doing, helpfully it will help me recall more specifics and give me place to see my growth. I know I could just write it on paper in my journal, but really I'm feeling quite lost and alone'ish. (not exactly those emotions, but that's the closest I can come...) Somehow by blogging it, I know I am sharing it, without the vulnerability of sharing it in person. does that make sense? (I don't even need you to comment about it (but feel free) -I know that you are there and sharing it with me, (maybe thinking I'm a little nuts) and that helps.
NOW WHAT???
(thanks for listening - that's what I needed.)
Why did I go? you might ask. I just haven't felt WELL lately. as you know from my blog, I've been fighting anxiety, depression, and a general feeling of the blahs. Nothing to specifically point too, but I knew something was off. I picked up her flier in a health food store/cafe a while back and have been meaning to call her for a while now. Her flier says, in part, "using the Holistic Health Detective Method, we can reveal your body's priorities for healing and balancing the Body, Mind, and Spirit..."
Apparently my priority is fixing my diet I got a whole lot of Nutritional counseling. (tim will be glad to hear that) According to the energy testing she did on me, I am deficient in Iron, Calcium, and magnesium, and my nervous system is shot. (thus explaining the low energy, restless leg, occasional muscle twitches and spasms, etc... She gave me some instruction on herbs and foods that I need to include/increase in my diet, and some instruction on "eating from the earth," everything in its "season." She gave me some books to read and encouraged me to spend some time studying herbs and food.
She also "read" from my "energy" that I need to take time for me. That my spirit keeps saying "when is it my turn?" Many of the things she said in this regard were right on the money, but the "skeptic" in me kept thinking - "this same thing could be said for just about every mother of young children. Just because she's right on the mark, doesn't mean she can really just "READ" my spirit."
Anyway, one thing she said was that I need to focus on identifying "gifts" that I have been given. That she saw in me a lot of "artistic" tendencies that I had basically done nothing with. Not necessarily art as in painting, but art as in creating things.
Her 'testing' said that I don't believe it is okay to say NO, and that while I believe that God loves me, that I don't love myself. Then she did some strange thing where first I was "centered" then she tested to see if I was "fully present" (apparently I wasn't, I was only about 85% there, so then she had me do a breathing exercise - this might have been the "centering" part, I forget...the she called the rest of me to come - I can't really explain it, but there was a slight difference in how I felt, slightly heavier or something like that) Then she had me keep doing the breathing thing, while she said something about removing the untrue belief that I am not lovable or something like that. Then after waiting a minutes, she said something about not leaving a void where the untruth had been and needing to fill it with truth. She then said some things about loving myself and other stuff, but I really can't remember what she said (hope it wasn't important to remember) It was so weird, because as she finished saying this stuff, I felt the strangest sensation. Like i was spinning, and like my insides were lightening or melting or something. It almost felt like I wasn't gong to be able to lift my arms or control my moments for a minute. I felt a little dizzy'ish - but not really. It was so strange. I wish I understood more.
Anyway - after all this, I felt fine and good and I felt like I could take on this challenge and learn what I needed to do to change my diet and help my body (and my family) be healthier and as a result, be happier. I felt his way for like 3 hours, until just now when I got home. As soon as I walked into the house, I felt depressed and overwhelmed and like it was all just too much to overcome.
Am I Crazy or what? I am still trying to process it. Even as I type this, I feel like it is too personal to blog about, but I need an outlet to write it down and in so doing, helpfully it will help me recall more specifics and give me place to see my growth. I know I could just write it on paper in my journal, but really I'm feeling quite lost and alone'ish. (not exactly those emotions, but that's the closest I can come...) Somehow by blogging it, I know I am sharing it, without the vulnerability of sharing it in person. does that make sense? (I don't even need you to comment about it (but feel free) -I know that you are there and sharing it with me, (maybe thinking I'm a little nuts) and that helps.
NOW WHAT???
(thanks for listening - that's what I needed.)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Nobody freak... I'm really OK
Charlotte, thanks for the kind comments in response to my "liar liar" post. Now I'm worried that people are going to freak out and think I've gone completely over the edge... Please, don't call the police, DCFS, or the suicide hot line, I'm really doing ok - (at least today anyway:) I would not have been able to post so "openly" if I was still in the "depths of despair." Its one of my quirks, I can only be open about where I've been AFTER I'm out - or at least on my way out...
Even when I am depressed, I am still cognizant enough to recognize that it is the depression talking - not really me. (That's how I rationalize not treating it thus far... when I can no longer differentiate between the depression talking and reality, then it will be a problem that needs to be addressed. Of course, if that is the case and I am unable to differentiate... i won't know that, will I??? HHHmmmm yet another depression catch 22. Oh well.
HI HO HI HO it's back to the kitchen I go!
Even when I am depressed, I am still cognizant enough to recognize that it is the depression talking - not really me. (That's how I rationalize not treating it thus far... when I can no longer differentiate between the depression talking and reality, then it will be a problem that needs to be addressed. Of course, if that is the case and I am unable to differentiate... i won't know that, will I??? HHHmmmm yet another depression catch 22. Oh well.
HI HO HI HO it's back to the kitchen I go!
liar, liar, pants on fire...
Yesterday I went visiting teaching. At the end of the visit, I asked the normal question, "blah blah blah, is there anything we can do for you?" She answered (you know what's coming don't you?) "no, everything is just fine." My companion asked, "would you tell us if there was something you needed?" Our sweet sister (age 70 or 80 something) laughed and said, "probably not." I just had to laugh, because the night before, my visiting teacher popped in for a few minutes to say hello and drop off a plate of cupcakes. We stood at the door talking for a few minutes, and she asked the "visiting teaching question,"
"how are you doing?"
It's been another rough couple weeks for me, and everything inside me wanted to scream, "I'm depressed; I'm fat; I'm ugly; my house is a total disaster; my children are loud, obnoxious, and disobedient; my yard makes us look like totally trashy people; I want to move because I'm sick of my house, our ward, and the neighborhood; I'm sick of cooking and cleaning and laundry that is NEVER done! I am a horrible wife and a horrible mother! I hate my life!"
Instead of blurting all that out, I smiled and said, "Everything is just great, thanks."
You remember that grade school saying mentioned in the post title? I suspect that the proverbial telephone wire has long since snapped due excessive weight hanging on it, but come on... what are we do do? Can't you just see the look on my poor Visiting teacher's face if I had let it all out? Besides, what could she do about it? Be honest back? Can't you just imagine a response like this,
"Stop self medicating with chocolate and junk food, eat more healthy food and get more exercise, get off your butt and clean your house instead of complaining about it, spend less time on the computer and more time playing with your children, be more organized, go to the temple more frequently, and make reading your scriptures and saying your prayers top priority. THEN, if you are still struggling with depression, go talk to a professional and get the help you need!"
Ya - I already have the answers. In fact, I got up Tuesday and went to work. I had a good day tackling the chaos in my house, and it really did help. (not that you could tell by looking at the house, but I felt better for working at it.) Now it's time for me to get off the computer and work some more.
To all you other liars out there (I know I'm not the the only one) - have a great day and I'll meet you at the telephone wire.
"how are you doing?"
It's been another rough couple weeks for me, and everything inside me wanted to scream, "I'm depressed; I'm fat; I'm ugly; my house is a total disaster; my children are loud, obnoxious, and disobedient; my yard makes us look like totally trashy people; I want to move because I'm sick of my house, our ward, and the neighborhood; I'm sick of cooking and cleaning and laundry that is NEVER done! I am a horrible wife and a horrible mother! I hate my life!"
Instead of blurting all that out, I smiled and said, "Everything is just great, thanks."
You remember that grade school saying mentioned in the post title? I suspect that the proverbial telephone wire has long since snapped due excessive weight hanging on it, but come on... what are we do do? Can't you just see the look on my poor Visiting teacher's face if I had let it all out? Besides, what could she do about it? Be honest back? Can't you just imagine a response like this,
"Stop self medicating with chocolate and junk food, eat more healthy food and get more exercise, get off your butt and clean your house instead of complaining about it, spend less time on the computer and more time playing with your children, be more organized, go to the temple more frequently, and make reading your scriptures and saying your prayers top priority. THEN, if you are still struggling with depression, go talk to a professional and get the help you need!"
Ya - I already have the answers. In fact, I got up Tuesday and went to work. I had a good day tackling the chaos in my house, and it really did help. (not that you could tell by looking at the house, but I felt better for working at it.) Now it's time for me to get off the computer and work some more.
To all you other liars out there (I know I'm not the the only one) - have a great day and I'll meet you at the telephone wire.
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