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"how are you doing?"
It's been another rough couple weeks for me, and everything inside me wanted to scream, "I'm depressed; I'm fat; I'm ugly; my house is a total disaster; my children are loud, obnoxious, and disobedient; my yard makes us look like totally trashy people; I want to move because I'm sick of my house, our ward, and the neighborhood; I'm sick of cooking and cleaning and laundry that is NEVER done! I am a horrible wife and a horrible mother! I hate my life!"
Instead of blurting all that out, I smiled and said, "Everything is just great, thanks."
You remember that grade school saying mentioned in the post title? I suspect that the proverbial telephone wire has long since snapped due excessive weight hanging on it, but come on... what are we do do? Can't you just see the look on my poor Visiting teacher's face if I had let it all out? Besides, what could she do about it? Be honest back? Can't you just imagine a response like this,
"Stop self medicating with chocolate and junk food, eat more healthy food and get more exercise, get off your butt and clean your house instead of complaining about it, spend less time on the computer and more time playing with your children, be more organized, go to the temple more frequently, and make reading your scriptures and saying your prayers top priority. THEN, if you are still struggling with depression, go talk to a professional and get the help you need!"
Ya - I already have the answers. In fact, I got up Tuesday and went to work. I had a good day tackling the chaos in my house, and it really did help. (not that you could tell by looking at the house, but I felt better for working at it.) Now it's time for me to get off the computer and work some more.
To all you other liars out there (I know I'm not the the only one) - have a great day and I'll meet you at the telephone wire.
11 comments:
Or, maybe your visiting teacher would say something along these lines instead:
Jeraldine F. M. (I'd put your full name in here, but I notice you never use your last name, so I'll keep it a secret as well):
YOU HANG IN THERE!!!
You've never been ugly.
I highly doubt you are even as fat (I prefer the term solid, thank you very much) as I was pre-pregnancy. But if you are, I'm quite certain it's a temporary state.
Your house will probably be in some state of disaster until your kids get older, but that's completely acceptable in the eyes of pretty much anyone who has children, as well as anyone who has ever spent more than 30 minutes alone with a 3-year old.
I've never met your children, but I highly doubt that they are all that you say. Besides, they'll grow up and be fine. I used to sneak chocolate chips out of the storage room, yell unthinkably horrible things to my brother, and once I even made my mom so mad that she swore at me. (She'll die if she ever finds out that I wrote this for the world to see) Now I buy M&M's and leave the chocolate chips for cookies (which I eat by the dozen sometimes), my brother and I are the dearest of friends, and I adore my mom (and we NEVER swear at each other).
There are more important things than having an immaculate lawn. (Like having a super-cool play area in your backyard, for instance.)
Can't help you with the wanting to move thing, but I bet the feeling passes.
I get tired of cooking and cleaning and the unending laundry, and I only cook 3x per week, clean every other Saturday, and do 1 load of laundry every Monday or Tuesday. OF COURSE you get sick of it!
It's not for you to judge what kind of a wife or mother you are. That is for your husband and your kids (when they're old enough to see things clearly) to say. I'm quite certain that when one looks at the whole picture that you are a much more than adeqate (one might even say stellar) wife AND mother.
I've known you (at times from a distance) for nearly 20 years, and I have NO DOUBT whatsoever that you will figure this whole thing out and you'll be back to the old Jolly Jeri, and probably even an improved Jolly Jeri. In the meantime though, try to be a little easier on yourself, will ya? I know it can be nearly impossible to do that at times, but do give it a shot, okay?
Love love love you!
I'm sorry. I had to laugh when I read that. We are all such big liars, aren't we? Hope you feel better soon. (Fat? I don't think so...)
Or your visiting teacher could have also said: I'm sorry. And then given you a hug, said a prayer for you, taken your kids for a couple of hours so you could take a nap or whatever, or just said "I know and I love you anyway"
Like I always tell the sister I visit teach- I can't help you if you don't tell me.
I really really love this post because it makes me feel so "normal". I always look at you and think that you have it all together. You are a great Mom to kids who absolutely adore you and a great husband who treats you well. You are always happy! Just know that you seem to have it all together to me. Good luck - CHEER UP!
PS - a while back I did a post like this and a couple of nights later my neighbor mom friends came over with homemade tampon earrings for us all to wear to Village Inn to have a late night snack... Just so you know while wearing a pair of tampon earrings you cant be mad and grumpy and feel sorry for yourself. When you are feeling sad make you a pair and wear them. LOL!
BEAUTIFUL!!!! I LOVE THIS POST!!!! We ARE all liars and the ones who aren't haven't gotten there yet! I really believe that!
The thing to remember I guess as we sit there eating chocolate, looking at our fat bellies....I like to poke mine and see how much it jiggles....is that there really is someone out there feeling the same way!
We are not alone. Utah, in a survey was found to be the number 1 state in the union for depression. Why do you suppose that is?
Now I have a very strong testimony and love the gospel but I think it is the impossibly high standards we feel as women that we need to live up to.
Back in the old days, when we had sister wives, we could work together. Someone cooked, someone did laundry, someone watched the kids etc....
Now we have to do it alone, have dinner on, a spotless house, adorable children and a smile on our faces all the time. If we don't, we feel we need to ACT like we do. This is very damaging to our spirits.
I think this is NOT good and I don't think Heavenly Father really wants us to feel this way.
We are hear to learn. Not already be perfect. I am a long way off and really, that's just fine with me. There are days I don't want to do anything but sit on my fat butt and you know what! That's ok! Even HF took a day off!
Perfection is a crock!! There is no such thing here on earth. You know all of those paintings that show a beautiful woman in a white dress, flowing hair, holding a sleeping infant...all while looking out the window and thinking "I love my life"?...well...That is a good place to insert "liar liar, pants on fire" too.
Most of the time it's more like pacing the floor with a screaming baby while several other children want lunch...all the while, tripping on toys, stepping in hairballs and trying to look past the sinkful of dirty dishes through the window that hasn't been cleaned since 1993. Mostly, I just try and keep from running away from home. :-) The only thing that helps me is "faking it".
You know the saying "Fake it til you make it"?..There is truth in that. I think that is the beauty and wisdom of our Heavenly Father's plan. He knows us better than we know ourselves. If we do our part by faking it for now, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, he will ensure that we make it later. It's like Alma 32:27 says.
"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."
Your Heavenly Father loves you. Ask him if He is pleased in you. Ask him for the faith to believe that you are making a difference in the lives of others. Believe in what you are doing. Believe in how you are doing it. Believe that it will take you a long time to reach perfection. You are so much further along than you know.
Thank you for your loving emails at a time when I really needed them. Love you! Keep your chin up, not down. Don't give Satan the satisfaction. See you tomorrow!!
If people could really hear the thoughts that we think they would have us all committed to the psych ward. (a real mental facility, not the psycho church ward that meets at 9am...there is always one freaky ward isn't there? heh heh) The voices in our head are pretty mean sometimes, I have to constantly make sure my filter is on to keep those thoughts to myself. Most of the time I am successful. I laughed right out loud at the tampon earrings. That is such a good idea!
Wow! I love the post, and I love the comments. I visit teach a lady who REALLY needs help but won't let us help her. Before I became her VT, I finally went into her house while she wasn't home (but her kids were) and I cleaned and organized her kitchen (as much as I could in 3-5 hours). She thanked me for it later (even thought I tried to keep it a secret). I told her that if she would let me help her I wouldn't have to sneak behind her back, but she still won't take me up on it. She doesn't want people to think less of her, or judge her as a mother...I feel bad for her, but things could get better if she would accept the help that is offered. She actually considers me her best friend now, even though she still won't accept help from me when I offer it...I guess I need to sneak in again;o)
We all have days like these. Just know you have friends who love you anyway.
This is where we as Visiting Teachers need to recognize the Spirit telling us that our sisters are LIARS! hehe
I'd never tell you to do all that stuff,I'd just give you a hug and tell you how great you are! Everybody feels like that sometimes.
I admit I did once let it all out to my visiting teacher. Guess what she did? She showed up at my house the next day with a bag of chips, a jar of spicy and horribly fattening cheese sauce to dip them in, and DVD's of Pride and Prejudice. It was exactly what I needed. Why have VT'ers if not to really be able to rely on our sisters when we need to?
*hugs* Sorry you are having a rough go right now.
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