Agency

So apparently I missed writing yesterday too.  It’s all a bit of a blur again.  It was another OWN it / early morning seminary day, so i got up, did my prayers, affirmations, & visualizations before I left, and I am pretty sure I did my Spanish lesson, and I know we did our family scripture reading, but I don’t think I did my Family history (indexing), nor did I do my personal Come Follow Me study or my journal…  Still trying to figure it all out I guess.

So after my last entry -  I suppose I should say that I’m feel better.  I am in a place where I can see mroe clearly that Yes, I have made plenty of mistakes as a person and a parent, but my children also each have their own personalities and they have their AGENCY.  I really have TRIED to do my best.  Sometimes my “best” wasn’t very great, but it was what I could do in that moment with the skills and understanding that I then had.  I’d like to think that I am a better wife and mother NOW than I was when I started…  and I plan to continue to learn and grown and improve.

So yesterday, after I picked up the kids from robotics (which Bryan is LOVING and Caleb thinks is a waste of time, mostly due to his partner…) we had just over an hour before we had to go to scouts (707)  I found Caleb in my room, hiding under my bed crying.  It was hard to hear and understand him, but something about the pressure of having to go to scouts.  I gave up.  I just told him he could stay home.  So he did.  The whole reason I am committing all this time and money is because CALEB said he wants to earn his Eagle.  If HE doesn’t WANT this - I am not going to keep pushing it.  Yet, at the same time, I believe he would really really benefit from it.  He needs to learn to push through hard things.  He needs to have a venue where he sets goals and gets out of his comfort zone.  We signed Bryan up to be Caleb’s “Buddy” - because Caleb thought that would help him be more comfortable in the troop.  The leadership opportunity has been great for Bryan, he is really enjoying it, and last night he really did a great job stepping up and leading, on the spur of the moment, and he did a great job!.  (and he had a fun time doing it)  It is yet another mystery for me to figure out what to do. 

Tim bought dinner last night (for Valentine’s day) so when we got home from scouts we were all enjoying dinner…  then Bryan asked, “Mom, did you remember to print of those pictures for my history project?”  SHOOT!  Of course I had forgotten.  His history class has been doing a unit on THEIR history.  A whole bunch of family history stuff.  Each Friday there has been another project due.  For this one, Bryan chose the option of scanning and creating a scrapbook kind of thing.  Grandpa Mellor’s 80th birthday is this year, (next month, actually) and we are planning a surprise reunion to celebrate.  Tim has been working on a slide show presentation to celebrate his/their life - We piggy backed on that and he took what Tim already had, then added some to it.  Luckily Stevensons copy center is open until 8, so I raced over there and got it done 5 minutes before they closed.