Updates

Me: Yesterday was a really good day (anyone else here noticing a pattern? Good day/bad day - let's hope we break the cycle today-- I'm going for 2 good days in a row...) Knowing that I don't sleep well when Tim is away, I chose to work really really hard all day - so that I'd be really tired come night time. I disassembled the bunk bed that was downstairs - hauled it upstairs and put it back together. Took apart and moved the crib into the other upstairs bedroom. Rearranged the dressers and kid furniture stuff into the "new" correct bedrooms. I moved Bryan to the lower bunk (he slept there last night pretty well) and Aaron will be on the upper bunk. Trina will stay in the other room and when the baby comes they'll share a room. (We have another bedroom downstairs (which I spent a whole week last year painting in a Buzz Lightyear space theme for Aaron), but neither of the kids will sleep down there in "the scary spooky basement!")
Today I plan to continue the rearranging - maybe swapping out Trina's full size bed for the twin I have in the storage room, putting up the full (or the twin if Trina continues to balk at the swap) bed in the "space room" - after I get it cleaned up. The room is really messy, because even though the room to to "scary" to sleep in, they love to play down there and I never go down to supervise the clean-up, so it doesn't happen) I'm going to have the kids help me go through the toys and throw out things that don't get played with or are missing pieces, etc...
I also have on my agenda today to go through Aaron school clothes and see what still fits so that I can order whatever things he needs. (He wears a uniform, so it makes it MUCH easier to shop and carryover clothes from year to year.)

Pregnancy: Almost 1/2 way! I am at 19 weeks. My ultra sound is scheduled for next Wednesday, but I don't plan to find out what we're having. I prefer to have it be a surprise at birth. Things seem to be going fine, I've pretty much run out of my "regular clothes" that I can fit into, so I've pulled out the maternity stuff. I've loving not feeling sick all the time, and my energy levels are much better. (the mood swings are still more drastic than I've ever had before, but I'm hoping it's the pregnancy - and not my actual permanent mental state.

I was going to do a few other chit chat updates, but this has gone on long enough, so I'll sign of and get to work! I told Aaron that if he helps out today and works hard, then I will take us out to chuck-e-cheese for dinner. By the look on his face, I think I've recruited a helper (for at least a while:)

Later -

time to repent

Good morning - I just said goodbye to Tim and sent him off to scout camp for the rest of the week. Luckily he and the other leaders split the time up this year, so he only had to take time off work today and tomorrow, instead of a whole week like last year. It is still hard for me to have him gone and I'll ge very glad when he comes home Saturday.

Yesterday was not a good day for me. In fact, it was one of my worst days in a while. I just felt so down and discouraged, and unmotivated, etc... - and that's saying something since I've had some bad days pretty regularly of late... I have a good friend who is going through an incredibly difficult time (I wrote a bit about it once before - like my 2nd or 3rd post, titled A brand New Day - I don't know how to do the linking thing) Anyway, he is still really really struggling, and I try to email him thoughts or talks or articles that I think might help. Yesterday I sent along a conference talk given many years ago by President Benson, titled "Do not despair" in which Pres Benson gives 12 ways to combat feelings of depression and despair. The 12 things were repentance, prayer, service, work, health, reading, blessings, fasting, friends, music, endurance, and goals.

As I lay in bed last night, I kept thinking of the things I read in that article and I realized that I was in need of some repenting. I am not currently guilty of "grievous" sins or anything like that, but I have definitely put my personal spiritual growth on the back burner. My personal prayers are practically non-existent and my personal gospel study is right with the personal prayers. I prayed and asked for forgiveness and the willpower to make the changes I need to make in my life. Do I think I will never have down days again? Nope. I expect what happened to the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon, when they were in captivity and they prayed for deliverance. I have always found it interesting that the Lord doesn't deliver them right away. Instead, He strengthens them so that they can more easily bear their burdens.

1. Mosiah 24: 15
   15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

My expectation is that if I show enough perseverance that the lord knows I am really trying to make an effort to improve, he will give me more strength and greater patience to endure that which I am called upon to endure. Now I just need to work on practicing doing it "cheerfully."

I did get up this morning and have some personal gospel study time and personal prayer. One step at a time. That's all I have to do. One baby step at a time!

I'm back!

Hello again. I meant to get one last post before I left for Montana, but as you can see - that didn't happen, and since Laura doesn't currently have Internet service, I wasn't able to check and send email or post anything.

It was a long and exhausting week, but good. My mom ended up going with me instead of my dad, and that was a HUGE help for me. My mom is like a total workhorse. She NEVER stops going. She's the kind of person that puts the energizer bunny to shame. We basically spent the week trying to keep the laundry done, people feed, and house clean-ish. We tried to take the kids out for at least a couple hours each day in the afternoon so that Laura could get some sleep. Laura seemed to make some good progress in the re-cooperating arena as well. When we got there she was still having trouble getting up and down off the couch, and it was still incredibly painful to walk, sit, move, etc... When we left she seemed to have more energy, and was moving a bit less tentatively. Damon's parents are supposed to go up there this week to help out, so hopefully that will happen. If not, we left a freezer full of ready to eat or ready to bake meals, and when we left Saturday at 3:00 am, all the laundry was done.

The new baby, Bethany, is just adorable. Unfortunately I forgot to take the digital camera - so I can't post any pictures. You'll just have to take my word for it. She is so TINY! She had her two week (just shy of) check up the day before we left and she weighed 6.8. (My smallest baby was born 7.13, so Bethany seems just SO SO TINY to me! You wouldn't think that 1 1/2 pounds would make THAT big of a difference, but it sure seemed to.

When we got back Saturday, I was SO tired. Luckily, we had our annual neighborhood HOA picnic Saturday, and on Sunday my neighbors invited us over for Sunday dinner, so I haven't had to cook at all since I got home. Tim had the whole house clean and sparkling (he even cleaned out the fridge - which has been in desperate need for a while...) He had a table cloth on the table, with flowers, a gift, some chocolate, and the sweetest note I've ever received! I was SO Sweet! Apparently, he missed me while I was gone. (This is like the first time I've been gone for a long time and left him at home. Usually it's him that is gone - for work, or scout camps etc...) Suffice it to say, it was a very nice atmosphere to come home to, and I feel more loved, more appreciated, and more beautiful - It's a nice feeling!


My agenda for today is to water the garden, clean out the van, tackle some of the mountain of laundry (not as bad as it could have been, since I did 2 loads of my own stuff while in MT.), and plan out the menu for the week so I can go shopping to restock the newly cleaned out fridge.

It's good to be home, and good to feel fairly rested after a pretty relaxing Saturday night and Sunday.

Today was a BUSY day. But a good one. Yesterday my little sister had her baby, a little girl after 4 boys. The baby was transverse breach and had to be delivered C-Section. She's now wondering how in the world she is going to take care of husband, new baby, 4 boys, and the house, when she isn't supposed to climb stairs, bend over, lift anything, vacuum, do laundry, etc... for 6 weeks. She said, "I might be able to put together a dinner, but I can't bend over and lift it in and out of the oven. (Her oldest is 10, so he can help quite a bit, but still...)

Her husband was able to take most of this week off, so I am planning to go up this weekend and spend a week up there "helping." I have to put that in quotes because I'm not sure how much help I can be when my coming up adds a tired, hormonal pregnant woman and three more rambunctious kids to the mix... but I'll do my best.

In order to hopefully be more helpful, I spent the day today making freezer meals for the week I'll be up there. I figure that it will save me LOTS and LOTS of time and energy in food prep time and clean up time. I'll just have to thaw the food and then either put it in to bake or re-heat it. Should make it much easier. I also made a couple extra meals (and my sister in law is making a couple) so that I can leave them up there when I leave - so that Laura will have another week of heat and eat meals after I've come back home.

I had a friend come over to help me put the meals together, and then she stayed to help me get the house put back together. (It was pretty chaotic after 4 hours of making meals and the kids entertaining themselves and their 4 friends that had ended up over here:) We got the house looking pretty good - I have to confess that I quit cleaning before she did (I was DEAD on my feet - and I promise I told her to stop and call it a day)- but it sure was super nice of her to keep going until the house was done. Now I am completely WORN OUT and ready to go to sleep! I'm tired enough that hopefully I'll be able to get a good nights sleep tonight. (I've been having a really tough time sleeping - even downstairs in the cooler temp.)

As tired as I am, it's nice to feel a little more prepared for my upcoming Montana adventure - and it feels good to know I had a really productive day.

Something in the air???

Wow - I just finished reading Melissa's and Charlotte's weekend blogs - and I was amazed at how similar their experiences and their feelings were on Sunday. I didn't have the SAME experience and them, but I sure was in the dumps Sunday too. I always feel semi-isolated from the "ward" in general, being the primary chorister (but I love the calling so it's all good there), but I felt sad and crummy all day too. Tim kept asking what was wrong, and I kept saying, "I'm just tired." About dinner time I realized I was more tired of my LIFE, than 'tired' - as in sleepy and needed a nap. I was just tired of the same thing day in day out. The same referee of silly battles with and between children. the never ending chore of laundry, cooking, cleaning...

Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and run away from everything. Luckily, I have enough sense of responsibility and commitment that I don't give in to the feeling, and even more luckily, the feeling doesn't usually last TOO TOO long.

I just took a nice long shower and I'm feeling like a new woman! (Of course, i haven't walked out into the messy kitchen since my shower, but I think I'm up to it!)

LOOK OUT!!!

Feel free to say a pray or two in behalf of my children today. I seem to have woken up on the WRONG side of the bed today, and everything they do seems to set me off! I'm not sure what's wrong with me or what to do about it. I keep trying to count to 10 (or 100, as the case may be) but they usually set me off again before I get to the designated number.

Suffice it to say, the wicked witch of the west would be a better mother today than I think I'm on target to be.

Maybe I'll just turn them loose outside and aim for some peace and quiet in the house for an hour or so. Maybe that will do the trick. (At least until they come back inside:-)

1st prenatal visit

Well, yesterday I went in for my first prenatal appt. I (we) decided this time to go with a midwife instead of my usually family practice Doctor. Dr. Berry delivered all 3 of my kids, and I really like him as a person and over all as a doctor, but as Bryan was being born Tim made a comment that stuck with me. he said, "it seems like they (Dr. and staff) are in a bigger hurry every time. Why can't they just let things happen as they happen naturally?" (Quote isn't exact, but close enough in context to what he said.)

After talking to multiple friends who use midwives, I found a group covered by our insurance and made myself an appt. It is the New Beginnings clinic in Orem, and they work under the direction of 2 OB's, and they deliver in the Orem Community Hospital. (just what I want. The security of a hospital delivery, the knowledge of an expect if needed, and the more natural, personal, and laid back attitude of the midwives.) There are 4 midwives (plus a midwife nurse practitioner) in the group, and if my experience with the first one I met yesterday is any indication - I think I made the right choice. I loved the CNM that did my initial exam. Very thorough, certainly knew what she was doing. I never love having the full female physical - but it was nice to have a woman. (I've always had male doctors.)

Everything is progressing fine. I heard the baby's heartbeat and they scheduled me for the 20 week ultrasound for the end of July. In a way, it's hard to believe I'm almost 1/2 way done. (I've been counting from conception date, not last menstrual cycle, so I got to jump up 2 weeks.) This is the time of pregnancy that is the best for me. I'm not sick all the time, and I'm not too big and fat yet so I can still move around and do what I want to do. I do still get tired and my back hurts and I have to get up several times a night to use the bathroom, but it's not too bad.

The CNM took one look at my varicose veins and told me I need to wear my super-sucker hose again. I HATE them! They are SO SO SO tight - and in the summer they just add to my already skyrocketing temperature. Oh well - if it helps me not get killer blood clots, I guess I can take it.

That's about that.