time to repent

Good morning - I just said goodbye to Tim and sent him off to scout camp for the rest of the week. Luckily he and the other leaders split the time up this year, so he only had to take time off work today and tomorrow, instead of a whole week like last year. It is still hard for me to have him gone and I'll ge very glad when he comes home Saturday.

Yesterday was not a good day for me. In fact, it was one of my worst days in a while. I just felt so down and discouraged, and unmotivated, etc... - and that's saying something since I've had some bad days pretty regularly of late... I have a good friend who is going through an incredibly difficult time (I wrote a bit about it once before - like my 2nd or 3rd post, titled A brand New Day - I don't know how to do the linking thing) Anyway, he is still really really struggling, and I try to email him thoughts or talks or articles that I think might help. Yesterday I sent along a conference talk given many years ago by President Benson, titled "Do not despair" in which Pres Benson gives 12 ways to combat feelings of depression and despair. The 12 things were repentance, prayer, service, work, health, reading, blessings, fasting, friends, music, endurance, and goals.

As I lay in bed last night, I kept thinking of the things I read in that article and I realized that I was in need of some repenting. I am not currently guilty of "grievous" sins or anything like that, but I have definitely put my personal spiritual growth on the back burner. My personal prayers are practically non-existent and my personal gospel study is right with the personal prayers. I prayed and asked for forgiveness and the willpower to make the changes I need to make in my life. Do I think I will never have down days again? Nope. I expect what happened to the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon, when they were in captivity and they prayed for deliverance. I have always found it interesting that the Lord doesn't deliver them right away. Instead, He strengthens them so that they can more easily bear their burdens.

1. Mosiah 24: 15
   15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

My expectation is that if I show enough perseverance that the lord knows I am really trying to make an effort to improve, he will give me more strength and greater patience to endure that which I am called upon to endure. Now I just need to work on practicing doing it "cheerfully."

I did get up this morning and have some personal gospel study time and personal prayer. One step at a time. That's all I have to do. One baby step at a time!