no catchy title

Yesterday was a good day.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say (as the author of TMM does, that it is like “WAKING UP on CHRISTMAS MORNING…” but I am finding that my days are seeming more productive and purposeful.
Yesterday was a good day at work.  I love the feelings of validation and appreciation that the teachers give so freely.  It helps me see meaning and purpose and value in what I do.  I haven’t always FELT meaningful, helpful, useful, and of value - so in this way, working has been a big help to me.  It has helped me see the good that I can do and be.
Today is a “workout” day - (I have to leave in 5 minutes.  I’m thinking I did not get up quite early enough.  I was hoping I could just have ONE set time to get up - (5am) and make it work for my workout days as well, but it took me 10 minutes to get out of bed, dressed, brush my teeth, let the dog out, notice the dog bowl was low on water and refilled it, etc…  so either I need to get faster as getting up and ready, or I might need to get up a bit earlier on “own it” workout days.  ( and I still haven’t successfully implemented the exercise portion of the miracle morning, but I’m not kicking myself - I am doing well and I am proud of the progress I AM making.
Caleb was feeling anxiety again last night.  I worry about that boy.  He is so young, and yet he feels so much pressure and anxiety already.  Not about things he’s involved in right now (well, except scouts) but about things in the future.  I think he was 5 years old the first time I found him in his bed crying and all upset, all because he was worried that he wouldn’t be a good dad.  That his kids would hate him, he wouldn’t be able to work to provide for a family, etc…  Last night he was worrying about college, serving a mission, and being a grown up.  Somehow I need to help him learn some coping skills - or I worry that he will REALLY have trouble once he hits puberty and the hormones and teenage pressures of life start compounding his natural anxiety.

Happy Sabbath

Good morning.  I didn’t do TMM yesterday.  It was Sunday, I woke up with w slight headache that stayed with me all day.  Still have it, in fact.  I’m trying to determine what my personal affirmation should be.  (knowing it will shift and change)  How about, “Everyday I am making choices that bring me closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  With each choice, I am becoming more and more my best self - the person I was sent here to become.”  Maybe I try that out for a while and see how it “fits.”
This is my journaling time, so I’ll write about yesterday.  As I said, it was Sunday.  It was the first day back on 9 am church, and the first day on the new 2 hour block.  It was a good church meeting.  It was fast Sunday (which probably didn’t help my headache at all.)  Testimony was filled with the youth.  (only two “adults” shared their testimonies, the remainder of the time was the youth.  In fact, both Bryan and Caleb shared testimonies - Bryan about the power of the priesthood, and Caleb about having a prayer answered.  It is fun to see my boys growing up
After dinner we  had our family wrap up discussion about the things we studied and learned this week (the Come Follow Me home and individual study program)  Today we will start on Lesson 2.)
In the evening, Caleb wanted to make cookies to take to his teachers from Primary (Bro Ure & Bro Carlson - that he no longer has) and his new Sunday School teachers (Bro & Sis White).  We made a big tray of Peanut Butter Bars, and there were enough that Bryan took some to his teachers as well.  I have great kids - who are very thoughtful and loving.

A New Beginning - The Miracle Morning

I am reading the book, the Miracle Morning, and it teaches the idea that if you get up and dedicate a specific time in the morning to “self improvement” miracles happen in your life.  He (the author) started out by doing 6 specific things, for 10 minutes each.  (the 6 things, in whatever order I can think of them... 1) silence (meditation, prayer, ponder)  2) journaling  3) read  4) exercise  5) affirmations and…. 6)   ???  it’s not coming to me.  I’ll keep listening to the book.  (i just started it yesterday.) 

I had tentatively decided that after I finished the book, I would do the 30 day miracle morning challenge and give it try for one month to see what changes I experienced.  Well, I haven’t finished the book (i’m only in chapter 4) but apparently my mind/body/spirit wanted me to start today :)  because I woke up at 5 am.  I fought getting out of bed for about 20 minutes, (I really hate the cold and have really never loved mornings) but then I finally gave up the fight and I am up.

I really don’t know what I am doing, where to begin, what to do…  etc… but I am up.  

four years later....

(written 8/12/2018) Last Sunday Katrina was teaching the lesson for her Sunday School class about the importance of keeping journal.  She took as visual aides our family history books (Allred & Christensen), the binder of letters exchanged between Jens & Lavina (while Jens was on his mission)  plus she took the blog book I had printed out back when I was blogging regularly  (the year Caleb was born, 2007)  It was SO much fun to go back through that book and read the posts.  Yes, some were lame and boring, but some were quite funny.  Many were things that I hadn't remembered at all but LOVED reading.  My kids have had a ball all week reading posts from that book.  It really made me regret the fact that I stopped writing.

Katrina told me during the week - Mom - you need to start blogging again.  Now really, blogging is out of "vogue" - i will no longer have the benefit of people reading and commenting on my blog - which is a big form of external validation for me - (one of my weaknesses is my need for external validation)  But I am going to give it a try.

I don't have a lot of time right now - but let's be honest, that is the story of my life - I never have lots of time!  I;m not even sure really where to begin.  For a little while I did keep a journal of sorts.  I was trying to be better about writing letters to the missionaries I knew, and so each week I would write a long missive about my week, (basically a long winded journal entry) then I would mail it off as a missionary letter.  The benefit to that was that 1) I was keeping a journal of my week's events  and 2) because I was writing it to send to missionaries, I focused more on the hand of God in my life and my daily events.  It was good for me.  Not sure exactly that the missionaries thought of my lengthy weekly updates, but it was good for me.  Maybe I will go through those and post them in here - then it won't be quite as big of a gap and will fill in a few holes here and there :)  It will be funny - because if I do that, I will just date them for when I wrote them, so you will read all those - and then read this one and they will be out of order.  Then again - I can just pull a "words of Mormon" kind of thing, and insert this post BEFORE those - that is probably what I will do. 

For now - I am dressed and ready to go to church.  headed to listen to a friend of Aaron speak in church before leaving on his mission, then back to our ward at 1 to sing with the choir, then I am subbing in primary - doing the music.  Then tonight we have stake women's choir (preparing for upcoming stake conference)  All in all - should be a fun, busy, music filled, Sabbath Day

So yesterday was bit of a "crazy day."  I didn't have/make/take the time in the morning to go walking or to the rec center, and the afternoon was jam packed.  (part of my morning drama was that I needed to make a dessert for the court of honor.  I make peanut butter bars cause they are quick and easy, and feed a lot of people.  only AFTER I had them in the over, did I remember that we have a boy int he ward who is deathly allergic to peanuts.  Now what?  I then made another dessert)

I left at 2 to pick up and Aaron and drive him to Orem for his appt. with Dr. Stringham.  Dropped him off, then drove to Springville to pick up the afternoon carpool.  Dropped everyone at their homes, then  helped Caleb finish his project/report on Jupiter.  3:40 - back to Orem to pick up Aaron at 4.  Back home again for a few minutes, then off to soccer practice from 5 - 6.  After practice, one of the other players needed a ride home, so over to the west side of Provo (by the mall) I go, getting home at 6:25.  Supposed to be at the church at 6:30 for court of honor/dinner.  Hurry to finish prepping the dessert I was supposed to bring,  got there only 10 minutes late.  There until 8:45, then headed back home (after dropping off some extra people).  Home by 9.  THEN started our evening "Easter Week devotional thing.  I felt bad for Katrina, as it was her night to teach.  (it was actually the lesson for yesterday ("teaching Tuesday" that we missed)  She had prepared well and was excited and ready to go...  everyone else was tired and cranky and not really contributing to the spirit in a positive way...

At the end of the day, I only had 4563 steps, and it stopped the great streak that I had going...  Oh well, I knew I had to get up at 5 this morning to go work out, so it was more important to go to bed.

Kids singing in church

So, today Katrina and Bryan sang in sacrament meeting.  I was so very proud of them.   Although after they were done and I asked how it was, they said they felt scared, you really couldn't tell at all by looking at them... they appeared cool and relaxed.  (I could tell they were a little scared just because I could hear it in their voices and they didn't sing with as much confidence as they did when we practiced - but since I am too much of a chicken to sing a solo in church, I thought they were WONDERFUL!)

I was chatting with a FB friend this afternoon and she said how she wished she could have heard them...  This isn't the same, but since we aren't supposed to record during sacrament meeting, this is as close as we can get... so enjoy.  I LOVE music and I'm so glad my kids love it too!

improved scripture study

Read a blog post today that I really like.  I certainly  need to find a way to improve my personal scripture/ gospel study.  I wasn't sure the best way to reference it so that I could find it again, so I figured I'd just link it here:

http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-battle-in-our-brains/

Several months ago I attended the Mormon Women Project Salon Event, at which I heard Tina Peterson speak. The title for her breakout session was, “Becoming a Deliberate Student of the Gospel.” Tina has a degree in Near Eastern Studies and has studied the Old and New Testament in their original languages from multiple sources including the Dead Sea Scrolls.

“That’s where you need to be,” I said to myself. So I chose her class. And by the end of the evening, it was Tina’s words that stayed with me most. They hung in my mind for weeks.   She so revolutionized my study and thinking that, with her permission, I share what she taught here.

Tina first talked about the mechanics of effective scripture study. They were the standard “should-dos” until she got to #4.

1. Pray before you begin.
2. Read, cross-reference, immerse yourself in the texts.
3. Keep a notepad and pencil near you. Write down every impression that comes to you, without dismissing thoughts that may seem random or out of context.
4. Over time, look back at what you have written and search for patterns. Trends and themes will emerge. You will see what the Holy Ghost is trying to teach you.

Wow, I thought. I jot down notes, scribble in the margins, underline in various colors, but looking for patterns, themes, and messages over time? That hadn’t occurred to me.

Then Tina got serious, because we were short on time, and she said, “Now I’m going to tell you what I feel strongly you need to hear.” We were listening.

“The battle today, between Babylon and Zion, is being waged between the synapses of our brains.”

(I’m no neurologist, but I’ve had enough physiology to know that synapses are how our brains process messages. They are crucial to the biological computation of perception and thought.)

Tina explained that in this information age when messages, images, and information are coming at us almost faster than we can receive them, our brains are creating new neural pathways to accommodate the input. The first time we see an image on a screen (we’re not talking about pornography here, although it does apply) – like a blog page, a news feed, texts, or facebook – our brain creates a new neural pathway to process that image. It is the same with new sounds or any stimuli to the senses, but let’s use the visual image for this discussion.

Input always travels the path of least resistance. So the second time we see the new image, it will travel the same route. And before long, the new neural pathway has been stimulated enough to “desire” of itself continued activation. A habit is born.

After that, when the brain is not currently occupied, we long for that image. That is why we constantly check our phones or email. That is why, when we have a free moment, we click onto a favorite blog, check facebook, and tweets, or any other source of input we frequent. Without realizing it, we have begun to crave these places of input, hunger for them, to the point where they can surreptitiously dominate our time.

Tina said the only way to counterbalance this is with ancient and modern scripture. We must expose our brains repeatedly to the image or sound of God’s words. Printed, glowing on the page, read aloud, or discussed with friends. That is where God’s Spirit lives. It is where His mind and will can rise out of the texts we read or the conversations we share, and filter into our lives, allowing revelation to move through us.

Satan knows the physiology of the brain. He knows if he can encourage overstimulation through an overload of mundane or technical information, he can increase the odds that we will not seek more spiritual sources for input, thus making scripture study tedious.

Recent studies have also shown that when our minds are over-stimulated, we begin to make decisions without considering the consequences. Much of the time, these quick decisions are not the best ones for us. An abundance of “information” prompts reactionary responses and elevates feelings of anxiety. All of this distracts us from the peace the Lord offers through His Word, and deprives us of much needed pondering time – time when our minds can reinforce more spiritual pathways.

Then Tina said this,

“Your time with the word of the Lord is your personal Urim and Thummim. It is there that God will speak to you. Frequent the scriptures often enough that your brain craves that kind of input – that your day feels incomplete without it.”

Have you been there? That place of truly feasting on God’s word? I have. And I’m sure you have too. I love how Jeremiah describes it.

“Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart” (Jeremiah 15:16).

I have also been in that place where I don’t crave the scriptures, because my reading is sporadic, even neglectful. And in retrospect, I can see I have filled my precious time with things that matter much less.

After hearing Tina talk, I realized I can’t afford to neglect my time in the scriptures. I can’t risk being a voice to my children, my friends, or the Relief Society sisters I teach, if I am not partaking regularly of God’s word. Time with the word of the Lord is its own system of checks and balances for me. It’s how the Lord rights me, keeps me on course.

Naturally, the sources of input mentioned here are not bad things. But Tina’s words have helped me make a conscious effort to open my scriptures each day before computer time, reading any other book, or another leisurely activity. I have started recording impressions. And it is astounding the level of happy confidence I have felt. I am still working on the habit, but I’m getting better at hearing as I go. “The words of the Lord are pure words, said the Psalmist, and I am discovering that within them we can see things “as they really are and as they really will be” (Jacob 4:13).

What about you? How is your scripture study going? What do you think of this battle in the brain? 

Well - I don't know about you - but know that I need to do better.  and I need to start today!