an inspiring conference: part 3

Before I jot down my impressions from Elder Holland's talk, here is one more quote from Sister Beck's talk - related to the computer thing from part one. I didn't actually write this one down, but another of my friends did, and since Harmony - you were wishing you could have taken notes, I thought I'd pass this along just in case it would have been a writer-downer for you. "The computer is just a tool, no more important than the dishwasher or washing machine." (if only I were so addicted to the dishwasher and washing machine. my life would be much "cleaner.")


OK - now on to Elder Holland's talk.


He shared some pioneer stories, one about a family (the smith's maybe) who were in that first group who went through the hole in the rock... and then another family called to leave their comfortable home in Nephi to settle the "muddy." (don't remember their names, it obviously wasn't important enough for me to write the name down...)

Anyway - after sharing these stories, he said, "There are still waste places to settled." I don't remember the exact next words, but in essence, the barren waste places of our hearts. We must be committed to the Lord and when he calls - we answer int he affirmative. he said we must:

1st - Nurture your own physical and spiritual strength, THEN

2) build your family and 3) serve the church.

He said that "the world is getting more and more wicked and will try the very best of us." when those troubled and trying times come, we will have to reach deep down to find the faith and strength to endure. When those times come we need to know that we have something "deep down" that we can draw upon.

"it is more important to be simple and deep, than complex and superficial."

Ok - those are my basic notes, now my impressions:

I talk BIG. I "do," not so big...

I think how awesome it would be to be "called" to pack up and move to Jackson county... but I find it hard to answer the "call" to read my scriptures daily.

I imagine in my minds eye how quickly I would obey if the time ever came that the leaders of the church issue the call to leave the cities and establish "tent cities"in the hills. yet I can't seem to find the will to attend the temple (15 minutes away) on a regular basis.

I profess to be SO glad to have a living prophet and apostles to guide me in my life, yet when is last time I read their words from the last conference? (I'm guessing May, right after the Ensign came out.)

You get the idea... My heart will simply become more and more of a wasteland, unless I heed the call of the prophet and apostles. It is not enough to "act" the part. I need to BE the part. I need to exercise the faith and the discipline to truly be a disciple of Christ. I need to start with ME. and I need to start NOW!

an inspiring conference part 2

Here I am, it's 10:30 at night and I am SO ready for bed! Where did my day go???? (i can only tell you that it did NOT all go into mindless computer drivel. :)

I was planning to report on my feelings and prompting from the next talk, the one by Elder Holland, but as I pulled out my notes (yes, I went downstairs to get them...) I saw another note that I jotted down from Sister Beck's talk and I think I'll talk briefly about it. It will be faster - so I can get to bed sooner, and it will serve to record it (aka journal) so I can review when needed.

She quoted some scriptures from 3 Nephi 20, about the Lord saying he will make his people, and he will consecrate His people, (and more stuff along those lines that I didn't write down). Then she said that we can choose to align ourselves with the Lord's house and the Lord's people. This we can do through "prioritization and precision" - NOT "perfection."

It is so easy to get caught up in perfectionism. People who come into my house may never guess that I struggle with this most depressing and paralyzing P word... I certainly don't have a "perfect" house (quite the opposite in fact, pretty much a constant state of CHAOS)... what they may not recognize is that I fall into the category of perfectionism where if I think I don't have the "time," "skills," "means," "desire"...(pick your term) to do it RIGHT, (and PERFECT) I just don't bother doing anything at all. Trust me when I tell you that this is not really a good way to make progress - in anything! The Lord's message to me was to prioritize and put HIM first. Just taking small, imperfect, baby steps... doing those small and simply baby steps with precision - not seeking to be perfect, but seeking instead to be constant and steadfast.

I did pretty well with the computer thing today. Still challenging.

an inspiring conference: part 1

Yesterday our stake took part in a regional (or maybe it was an "area") conference. I heard many things that I NEEDED to hear. My notes from the conference are downstairs, and quite frankly, I am too tired to trek down to get them, so I am just going to go from memory.

I really enjoy listening to Sister Julie B Beck speak. She has given some super - powerhouse talks in recent years, that have truly spoken to my soul. The talk she gave on Sunday was another to add to my heart's collection.

She began by telling us that while she has been studying and praying in preparation for her talk, she hadn't been able to "write" one; so she was going to just share the thoughts and feelings she has been going over in her mind.
First off, she felt inspired to say , "you are doing better than you think you are." (boy, I sat up and listened to this one. I needed to hear that, since I often feel that I am doing so "not great.") Then she took a deep breathe and said, "even as I say that you are doing better than you think you are... we CAN do and be better."
This really resonated with me. I have a tendency to beat myself up about a whole lot of stuff, when in reality, the Savior loves me and has atoned for me, and HE accepts me JUST AS I AM. However, He is not well pleased when I spent time wallowing in self-doubt instead of humbly acknowledging shortcomings and working to move forward.

She then went on to mention people who are allowing the distractions of life to get in the way of what is really important. She mentioned specifically young mothers... and while I am not a "young mother," (I'm pushing 40, for crying out loud!) I am the mother of YOUNG children, and I am CERTAIN she was speaking to me, since it cut right to my heart...) She specifically mentioned time spent on the computer - wasting your time and taking time away from those young children and families.

I decided that this was something I needed to change in my life. Here at my house, the computer is on ALL day long. I check it in the morning, then I piddle around the house a little, always coming back at regular and frequent intervals to see if any emails have come through, or any facebook chatter I just HAVE to get in on, or any comments on my own facebook status, or play a few (hundred) games of bejeweled blitz, or...or...or (you get the idea)

SO - I made a new goal for myself. I can be on the computer for (roughly) 30 minutes in the morning and roughly) 30 minutes again in the evening after the kids are in bed. The time in between... the computer goes OFF and stays OFF. I went through some withdrawal pains today, but I did pretty well. One slight "fall off the wagon" moment when I had to get on the computer to print out some stuff for Aaron's homework, and while I was ON, I could hardly NOT check my email... right??? but over all I cut my computer time WAY WAY down today... and I believe it was a step in the right direction.

more conference notes to follow... but I am EXHAUSTED and need to go to bed!

more summer memories...

For the 24th of July, we went up to Payson Lakes to hang out with my brother Shayne, his wife Angela, and their 4 kids. They took up their camper and stayed overnight, but Tim had to work (a 1/2 day), plus we had too many things going on the next day, so we just went up for the afternoon/evening. We spent the afternoon swimming in the lake and paddling around in our little inflatable raft (no pictures of that - but never fear, I more than made up for it in other meaningless pictures)
There at the lake they have a pier built out over the water that CRAZY people jump off. Paige had mentioned that she "might" want to do it, but was too scared to go alone. I walked over to provide moral support, and to everyone's surprise, (my own especially) I JUMPED! Multiple times even. And just so you know, anyone who tells you that the first time is the worst and then it isn't scary anymore - - they are lying to you! (at least if you are as scared of heights as I am... it never got any less scary - but I kept jumping, and it was kind of fun... in a terrifying freakish sort of way)

The lighting was behind us, so the pictures of us jumping aren't great, but they are proof that we did it, so here they are: (and if you click on them to see them bigger, you can see the details a lot better...)

A shadow-faced Katrina - but she's still my beautiful little princess!

Away goes Aaron! (he was the bravest and went first!!!)

Seth taking the plunge

Aaron "helping" Seth jump
and here goes Paige!

Now it's my turn. I won't even tell you how many pictures there are of me in this pose. Tim was standing on shore taking the pictures and I'd count to three, (at which point I was SUPPOSED to let go), he'd snap a picture, but I'd still be hanging on for dear life. He got a mite frustrated with me before I finally let go.


I finally let go, and here I am, dropping to the water - not graceful in way shape or form - but I did it!
And I very NON-gracefully hit the water!


Here we are - the PROUD and successful jumpers! (we were supposed to all jump together, but I chickened out and ended up letting go last... again)


Tim obviously has no fear! He stood ON the railing around the pier and leapt into the air. (The first time he counted to 3 even...)


After swimming, we went up to the camp and ate a yummy dinner and visited until it was long past my kids bedtime. It is just so beautiful and relaxing that I had a really hard time leaving. I was SO wishing I had decided to stay overnight... Oh well - maybe next year!

Shayne Angela and I

Spencer, Aaron and Seth roasting marshmallows

Bryan is my sticky little Marshmallow addict!

Caleb is quickly becoming a marshmallow master
Aaron and his perfectly toasted marshmallow

Summer Highlights

It would be impossible for me to go back through and really catch up on everything that's been going on this summer, but I thought maybe I do a couple of "highlights" posts...

One of the stand out days for us this summer was when my sister came down from MT and we all went up to Lagoon. It was Tim and I with our 4 kids, plus Laura & Damon and their 5 kids, plus my brother Mike and his wife Rachael. (we were sorry that Mark and Corinne (and Brynlee and Landon couldn't make it)

We went on THE PERFECT day! The weather was just right - not chilly, not hot. The lines were SHORT all day. The people going on the "big kid rides" had to wait a tiny bit, but in "kiddie land" - the kids practically walked onto every ride. They never had to wait more than one cycle before it was their turn. I'm not kidding! We went on the log ride 3 or 4 times in a row - just got off, ran around and pretty much hopped right back on. We did the same on Rattlesnake Rapids - I think word got out though, because after our 4th (or 5th) ride, there was starting to be a line... Granted, it was still only a 5-10 minute wait time line, but after NO line... we decided we were good and off went went to do other stuff.

Along with the great weather and no lines - we had the PERFECT group of people. It is a pain to be "stuck" in kiddie land all by yourself all day, but since Laura and I were there together, it was really nice. we watched the kids ride and we got to laugh and visit. The kids all had little "buddies" that were their size to ride with. They just loved all the cousin time. While Laura and I were with the little kids, there were plenty of grown ups to take the older boys on the other rides (and keep track of them all). Mike and Rachael are roller-coaster riders so there was nothing they wouldn't take the kids on. The older cousins each had a buddy, or there were enough adults that on scary rides any kids that wanted to sit by an adult could. It was WONDERFUL! It could not have been a better day!

Here are a few of the MANY photos we took that day:













and what day at Lagoon would be complete without playing at least once in the fountain???

a new and positive (and kind of "out there") experience

So - I had an interesting experience last week. As those of you who know me are well aware (and those who only know me via this blog are also probably aware) I have been having a really tough time with life for quite a while now. (one of the reasons I never blog) I've been struggling with so many little things that all add up to ... well, I don't know what they add up to, math was never my strong point - but it has NOT been fun! (or good, or healthy)
I have seriously considered (many times) going to the Dr and starting up on some type of anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication. I really do believe that there are times and circumstances where that IS the answer... however, I just never got the feeling that it was the RIGHT answer for me. I have been searching (rather haphazardly and slowly, but I'm blaming that on the depression) for what IS the right answer for me right now.

Several months ago I came across "Calyco Healing" - a modality of "energy healing." I felt drawn to learn more about it. Back in June I attended an LDS holistic living conference, and I went to a couple classes taught by Carolyn Cooper, the founder of Calyco. I continued to feel strongly that this was something that had the potential to help me and that I needed to look into. Last week I finally met with Nathalie, a practitioner in my area, and I had a really positive experience. As those of you who have read my blog for a long time, may recall that a couple of years ago I tried another "healer" type person, (not calyco) but the positive feelings were fleeting - at best.

There is no way I can go into detail into the things that were "cleared" during my session last week - too hard to explain and too lengthy to read if I did try to write it out, (this post is already SUPER LONG), but I found it very interesting AND beneficial. One thing that she tested was to discover my "birth issue." The basic premise with this is that when we are born, whatever emotions are prevalent in the room when we take that first "breathe of life" become a part of us, and we tend to hold on to the belief that those are the emotions that "life" is supposed to be made of. (my inadequate words) So what were "my" birth issues or feelings?

feeling overwhelmed and burdened.

Yup - that pretty much sums up my life. SO often that is how I feel about life. Completely OVERWHELMED and that everything is just another burden to be carried. She "cleared" those negative emotions (plus MANY others) during the session.

While I was there, I can't say that I felt any huge "release" or "lightening" of my troubles, yet as I drove home, I recognized that I FELT better. (it had been a SUPER rough day at home with the kids - and yet I felt energized and ready to go back home and be with them) When I got home, I found I was able to handle everything they threw at me. The messes of the house didn't freak me out. I seriously didn't feel completely overwhelmed by the sight of the dishes in the sink, and spilled cereal on the floor, and the kids fighting. When the kids were in bed and I went in to my own bed and saw the mountain of laundry there, I didn't feel bad about it, or overwhelmed by it, I just was able to sit down and fold for a while - no negative feelings added. It was a really nice feeling - and I made note of it.

So now... 6 days later??? how do I feel?

STILL BETTER! I feel better. I feel more able to separate myself from situations and consciously make the choice how I am going to react to it. I feel less like I "have to" do all the stuff I am "supposed to do." I feel more free to ENJOY time with my kids. We went camping last week to try to have better viewing of the meteor shower, and while the stress of getting everything ready and packed was still there, and I still got uptight and tense and a little short with people, I was able to release those feelings as soon as we were in the car and on our way - instead of them hanging over me for HOURS into the trip (And sometimes into the next day... like they have in the past)

I don't understand how it works, and I'm not saying that life is all roses and chocolate now - it's still life. There's still sibling conflict, and messes, and dishes, and laundry, and stress, and meals to prepare, and and and - - but it is BETTER. I am going back to see Nathalie again today - this time taking my son, Aaron. He struggles with so many things - one of which is depression. I started taking him to see a counselor a couple weeks ago, and I was surprised as to the depth of his pain and sadness. I had no idea he was struggling so much. I am really hopefully that the combination of ME taking care of MY stuff + a session of energy healing to take care of HIS stuff + counseling to help him know how to learn new skills will equal a happier, healthier child who is able to handle life's challenges and enjoy life to the fullest.

One last thing - Once a negative emotion is released, it leaves a void that must be filled with a positive, or else the negative belief (habitual) will just move right back in. Here are two of my new "replacement" beliefs:

I am learning to be a great mother - one step at a time!
Being a mother is a beautiful thing!

bring on the honey and lemon...

(plus a dash of cayenne pepper too, if you really want to know...)

I woke up this morning and about an hour before church I noticed my voice felt a little scratchy'ish, and I hoped I could get through the day ok... Primary went pretty well, although by senior primary I was glad that I could stop singing quite so strong and let them carry it... Then a quick rush home to get the kids fed, then off to ward choir. that finished at 3:35 and hurried home to find a front room filled with kids. (it's ok - I was expecting them. I just wasn't expecting them to be early and me to be late...)
It was a group of kids from our senior primary. I am preparing them to sing prelude music for our annual primary program. We usually have the program in November, so it's still a ways away, but the songs I want them to do are goign to be a challenge, so they will need lots of practice time. I had several songs I wanted to do, but planned to whittle them down to 3 or 4. the kids out voted me and decided they'd rather start singing 5 minutes earlier and do all 5 of the songs I suggested. If all goes as planned we'll be singing:

* Where Love Is (pretty much straight out of the book)
* Beautiful Savior (also from the book, with the descant on the 3rd verse)
* I Am a Child of God (an arrangement that included an obligato for flute or violin)
* I know that My Redeemer Lives (a challenging arrangement that I'm not sure we can pull off - but the kids wanted to try. if it doesn't work we'll just have them sing the melody and have an instrument play the harmony part)
* I Wonder When He Comes Again (I think this will be the first one I cut if things get too tough. it is another challenging arrangement with 2 parts. The other option would be to do the same s with I know that my Redeemer Lives, and have them sing the melody while the instrument plays the other part...

Today was our first practice, and I was trying to play and lead and teach all at the same time. I think that I will need to have a "real" pianist come, and maybe even another adult to come sing so that the kids have a solid voice to follow when we split into parts. The practice was WILD - the kids couldn't stop talking and yapping and singing opera style and all sorts of crazy stuff, but I am just please that there are so many of them that show and interest and want to sing harder things. I love these primary kids so much, and I am startin to worry that "the powers that be" are contemplating releasing me. That will be a SAD day for me! (my vocal cords will probably enjoy the rest...) I figure I may as well go out with a bang and enjoy the chaos of trying to teach these kids to sing in parts and hold their own. Feel free to wish me luck - I think I'm going to need it!