Wow - what a difference a day can make.  I felt a little better by the time I went to bed - don't know if it was writing it out, or drinking a "Herpower" drink that helped stabalize me, but either way, I didn't feel like biting everyone's heads off by the time I went to be.  I think it was about 11 'ish when I got into bed.  THEN...  guess who woke up at 4:30 AM and couldn't fall back asleep???  Yup - that would be me!  At 5 I gave up trying to sleep and got up.  It was a great morning.  I made some baked oatmeal and green smoothie for breakfast, did my scripture study, got shower, and still got to work on time.  Surprisingly enough, I didn't even fall asleep mid afternoon like I usually do.  SO - today was a pretty great day.  I'l take it!

Fun side note - not related to my food and lifestyle changes...  but we got Tesla solar panels put on our roof today and a battery wall installed on the side of the house. 

Another fun thing from today was that this morning - at 5 am...  I happened to check the online scheduling for the local temples, and I was pleasantly surprised to fine an opening for initiatory at 5:15 at the Provo, Utah temple.  It was great to go.  I have been able to go to the temple once a week for the past month and it has been a blessing.

Last thing - I work up and found a tender mercy in my email box.  I got a blog post from the Amen Clinic about looking for the micro-moments of happiness.   The following is not the entire post, but the main points.

"The big “H”— happiness—doesn’t require major life-changing events, accomplishments, or milestones. Start finding joy in the smallest things you can: hearing a bird sing outside your window, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face when you step outside, petting your dog or cat, taking that first sip of your favorite brain healthy smoothie, or cracking open a new book.

These are micro-moments of happiness.

Most of us gloss over these little things, searching instead for the big experiences. But it’s important to savor these precious times because, when your brain pays attention to them, they add up to more overall contentment and satisfaction with your life. The more micro-moments you cherish, the greater your sense of joy.

One of the quickest ways to identify the little things that make you happy is with an exercise called the 4 Circle of Happiness. Basically, you identify happiness boosters in each of the following 4 areas of your life:

• Biological Circle: how your physical body and brain function
• Psychological Circle: developmental issues and how you think
• Social Circle: social support, your current life situation, and societal influences
• Spiritual Circle: your connection to God, the planet, past and future generations, and your deepest sense of meaning and purpose

To do this exercise, take a sheet of paper, draw 4 circles, and write “Biological” in one of them, “Psychological” in the second one, “Social” in the third one, and “Spiritual” in the last one. Within each circle, write down the micro-moments that make you happy in that area of your life while keeping these questions in mind:

• What brings a smile to your face?
• What makes you feel good about life?
• What do you value most?

When you have finished, look at how many things you have listed in each circle. Does one circle have a much shorter list? Are you out of balance in any of these areas? If so, you may be neglecting one of your circles.

I didn't take time to do it today - but I think this would be a good exercise for me to do.  Well - that's it for my day.  Tomorrow I need plan a menu for next week.  (Always the biggest challenge for me...  wish me luck!

Food Log for today:

Breakfast: baked chocolate chip oatmeal topped with strawberries and pure maple syrup & a green smoothie (spinach, kale, carrot juice, beet juice, orange, strawberries, pineapple, dates, ground flaxseed)

Lunch:  leftover creamy broccoli potato casserole, baby carrots & snap peas dipped in hummus

Dinner:  red pepper tomato soup with sprouted whole grain toast & an apple

I spoke too soon

So, remember how yesterday I said I was feeling good about things, I felt like I was over the "detox" period, and I was feeling positive???  Today - I'm not in such a positive place.  Maybe it's PMS?  Maybe it's the weather/barometric pressure change? (we had a major snow storm blow in on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning). Maybe it's just regular hormonal ups and downs or my regular depressive ups and downs...  I don't know, but I do know that tonight I am in the kind of mood where it is best to just steer clear of me!

I am feeling irritable, tired, unappreciated, overworked, and impatient.  Not a great place to be.  I am going to choose to hope that it is a natural process that my body is going through.  I've been watching a video today by Dr. Frank Sabet, about overcoming food addictions.  He talks in detail about the release of pleasure hormones (serotonin & dopamine) and the neuroreceptors in the brain.  He explains how food manufacturers scientifically worked to figure out how to increased the "bliss point" of processed foods to create highly addictive foods.  These calorie dense, high in Sugar, Oils, and Salt, processed foods, cause a drastically increased release of serotonin & dopamine.  Because there is such a high amount of those hormones, the body reacts by thinking, "oh we have too much, we need to reduce the amount of those hormones and decrease the amount of receptors that are available to receive them.  Our physical ability to feel pleasure is actually reduced.  The body then has to receive MORE quantities of whatever it is that we are receiving pleasure from in order to feel good.  (this is the same pattern you will see with any addictions, drugs, alcohol, technology, pornography, etc...) Going back to specific food addictions - Then when you try to reduce the Sugar Oils and Salts in our body, the cravings are HUGE and the withdrawal effects are intense.  I am going to trust that either I am PMS'ing, in which case it isn't my fault that I'm feeling like a witch right now, OR I am doing a good thing by cutting out the C.R.A.P. foods  (Calorie Rich And Processed) and my body is struggling to find and feel pleasure as it works to rebalance itself.  Yes, the brain will eventually re-regulate the levels of serotonin and dopamine that are released, and the nerves can rebuild the necessary receptors to receive them, but that will take time.  I have to be in it for the long haul.  I have to push past each low, and trust that my body can and will heal itself if I continue to give it the nutrition it needs.  I didn't do fabulously in pushing through the lows today... Because I was in such a foul mood, I ate some chocolate.  it was all dark chocolate, so lower sugar levels, but I still probably should have tried to be stronger and resisted the temptation to self medicate with the chocolate.  It really is an addiction...  a powerful one.

Food Log: 

Today for breakfast I had steel cut oats with cranberries, unsweetened coconut flakes, almonds, almond milk, and a squirt of date syrup.

For lunch I went out to eat and got a "buddha bowl" at Ginger's cafe.  it was OK - but there was something in it that tasted a bit "off."  I could never quite figure out what it was.  Then again, it was all on a bed of greens, like arugula and other bitter greens, so maybe that was it.  

For dinner I made homemade veggie burgers with sweet potato "chips." The burgers tasted pretty good.  (I topped mine with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and avocado) For the chips, I just sliced the sweet potatoes, salted them, then cooked them in the air fryer.  It was a bit of an experiment and I burned about 1/2 of them...  whoops.  the ones that worked tasted pretty good.  I think I'll keep trying to figure out how to make that work better.

Here's my Buddha bowl lunch:  beets, quinoa, carrots, black beans, & avocado on a bed of healthy greens.  It was supposed to come with a citrus dressing, but they were out of that, so I tried the sesame dressing.

The homemade veggie burgers.

my sweet potatoes in the air fryer (before they burned)

The recipe I used for the burgers

https://www.emilieeats.com/black-bean-quinoa-veggie-burgers/#tasty-recipes-5578-jump-target

Progress & a few recipes

 So I started trying to consciously make better choices (again) last Friday.  (today is Wednesday). I especially tried to actively steer away from anything with added processed sugar & white flour.  I found it interesting (and not surprising) to find that on Sunday, I woke up feeling pretty yucky.  I had a headache all day and didn't feel my best.  I am assuming that it was just a sign that my body was going through a detox.  From everything I have read, this is a normal thing when you stop feeding your addictions... (drug, alcohol, or FOOD) detox is real - and not very fun.  Luckily, I have been trying to be "better" for a while, so  even though the last week or so had been less than stellar (Valentines Day and all the accompanying chocolate - and other - treats) I had still been consuming less junk overall; suffice it to say - some detox discomforts, but only a day's worth, so not as bad as it could have been.

On Saturday, we had our monthly "group date" with some friends from the neighborhood, and after our scheduled activity, we came to my house for "treats."  I used the group as my taste testing group to try out some new no refined sugar, no refined flour treats.  I made two kinds of cookies, they were OK - but not so fantastic that I am dying to make them again... plus an apple cranberry crisp and a chocolate strawberry cheesecake.  (it was supposed to be vegan, calling for dairy free cream cheese, but I couldn't find any, so I just used regular cream cheese. ) The chocolate dessert was the most like a "real dessert" - as it had a lot of dates in the crust & date syrup as a sweetener in the filling.  It was pretty good.  I will make it again for special occasions.  The crisp was also good, but pretty tart.  I think if I make it again, I'll add a few more dates to counteract the tartness from the cranberries.

I spent time on Monday searching for some recipes to try to for dinner.  Monday night I made a "Creamy Broccoli Potato Casserole."  It was pretty labor intensive and while it tasted OK,  I don't know if it was worth the time and effort.  (not to mention it bubbled over in the oven and when trying to bake cornbread tonight, I filled my house AGAIN with smoke and the terrible smell of burning "cashew/nutritional yeast sauce."  I haven't chucked the recipe yet, but it won't be something that is a frequent "go to" recipe. 

Tuesday night I didn't have to make dinner, as we were having a Relief Society dinner, Cafe Rio style salad.  I just chose to build a salad without adding the meat or cheese.  I ate lettuce, beans, rice, salsa, guacamole, tomatoes, and the dressing.  It was good.

Today I made "The Best Chili Sin Carne" - with vegan cornbread on the side.  This recipe was a WINNER!  I thought it was really delicious.  Bryan had a bunch of friends over to go sledding, and they came back planning to build a fire and roast hotdogs.  They found out that we are apparently OUT of hotdogs, so I offered the kids some chili.  ALL FIVE of the teenagers who ate the chili LIKED it.  Sounds like a winner to me!  (I haven't heard yet from Caleb as to whether or not he liked the chili...  but he did say he liked the cornbread.)  I know the cornbread doesn't 100% fit the WFPB parameters, because it calls for oil and sugar, but I made a few adaptations and figured it was still a way better choice than my usual White flour, refined sugar version.  I figure that is my goal, to find ways to make eating a mostly WFPB diet that my family will think is still normal and tasty.  Here are links to the recipes that I used.  I didn't get a picture of the chili - I was too busy helping all the extra teens in the house get their food, and then I was too busy EATING!  I will definitely make this one again!  (here is a picture from the post where I got the recipe. ) 

https://nutriciously.com/wp-json/mv-create/v1/creations/2/print.  (I doubled the recipe.  I didn't have any zucchini, but I had two yellow squash, so I used those.  I also used 1 - 15 oz can of diced tomatoes, and 2- 10 oz cans of Rotel tomatoes with green chilies.) 

https://www.noracooks.com/the-best-vegan-cornbread/.  (i used whole wheat flour instead of white, and cut the sugar to 1/2 cup, using a combo of white and brown.  I think next time I make it I'll try using honey as the sweetener.  I also found that the batter looked way too thick, I assume because I was using whole wheat flour, so I ended up adding more almond milk, no idea how much, just until it looked more like my normal cornbread batter ) 

So - how's it going?  I'm feeling good about things.  I feel like I look a little less bloated.  I haven't had any more "detox headaches."  I had a couple opportunities today to eat "treats" - people at school are always offering such temptations, but I was able to reflect first, and then make a conscious choice to walk away.  I feel good about that.

Four Years Later....

 I just looked at the beginning words of my last post...  talking about feeling super tired and harried.  I have to say, not much has changed- I still feel that way most of the time.  That's not to say that things around here haven't changed.  Since my last post, the world went through a world wide pandemic with Covid-19.  Schools & churches were shut down, businesses shut down, people who seemed to be healthy ended up in ICU and many died or came away with long term complications, other people who seemed unhealthy and at highest risk, got covid and it was nothing more than a regular cold-like illness.  Isolation was really hard on some people, other people loved it and wished things would never go back to "normal."  It really didn't bother me too much.  I kind of liked the slower pace of things.  I didn't necessarily agree with all of the edicts being handed down by "big brother government" - but I also believe that for the most part, people were trying to do their best with the ever changing stream of unknowns and new information coming at them. This post is not meant to be a commentary on Covid or the things that happened, but yes, I fear that some things that took place will be showing their "unintended consequences" for years to come.  I just didn't feel like I could jump into a post, FOUR YEARS LATER, without at least acknowledging that we went through some interesting times in the interim.

Also since it's been 4 years...  here's a very brief family update - Aaron (22),  is married to a darling young lady named Hailee.  We love her and think they are good for each other.  Katrina (19) is currently serving an 18 month mission for our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  She is serving down in the Londrina, Brazil mission and is enjoying the experience, even with all of the challenges that come with it.  Bryan is a jr. in high school and is active in Cross Country, Hope Squad, NHS, Theater, and anything thing else that catches his fancy. Caleb is a freshman in high school and is facing the challenges of adapting to a new school and new "high school drama."  He is much more sensitive to the opinions of others, so HS is going to be more of a minefield for him than for Bryan, but so far, he seems to be doing fairly well.  Tim still works his "regular job" plus his two side jobs as real estate agent & property management / landlord for our investment properties.  I continue to work part time as a 3rd grade teacher's aide.  It is likely I will continue to do that until Caleb graduates from HS, then we are hoping the investments properties will be enough to sustain us, and Tim can take an early retirement and we can spend time traveling, serving, and perhaps even living abroad for a while.  We'll just have to wait and see see if and how that works out.  (here's a couple of more recent photos.  The first picture is when we took everyone to "Evermore," back in October before Katrina left on her mission. (Hailee, Caleb, Bryan, me, Katrina, & Tim) The other was also in October, taken on our Fall Break trip down to Marysvale, Utah.  (Bryan, Katrina, & Caleb in the back, Hailee, Aaron, & Tim in the front.  )

The main reason I decided to try to get back to blogging, is because I am wanting to use this space as a place to track my journey as strive to move to a more whole food plant based way of living. (and the rest of my life as it ebbs and flows, because really, you can't separate the two.)  I have been seriously struggling with my weight for the past 17 years.  I have been living the definition of yo-yo dieting, and it is NOT a healthy way to live, nor is it helping me reach my goals.  I want to be able to serve, travel, play with grandkids, go hiking, be active, etc...  for many years to come - and yet, the reality is that even now, at only 51 years old, my knees ache.  I am a good 50+ lbs overweight.  I am tired and exhausted almost all of the time.  I live on a perpetual rollercoaster of depression.  I have trouble concentrating and focusing on things.  My cholesterol is too high.  In my immediate family, 4/8  of us have been diagnosed with diabetes, and my sister, while not diabetic now, had gestational diabetes while pregnant.  I have long know that diabetes, for me, was probably not an IF, but rather, a WHEN...  Basically, I am NOT living a life (or a life style) that is going to have me in a place where I can still move and hike and play and comfortably travel for the next 10 - 20 years.  I need to figure this out and I need to do it now!  

It's like the saying, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.  The next best time to plant a tree is today.  

It can't be a matter of just going on yet another diet.  Been there, done that.  I need to change my relationship with food and my mental connections with it.   

Here is what I am thinking today:

    * I need to continue to study and educate myself about food addictions & healthy food habits

    *  I need to move to a Whole Food Plant Based way of eating.  No, I don't have to be 100%.  But the  majority of my food needs to be REAL FOOD - and mostly PLANT BASED

    * I need to do regular basic exercises that incorporates both cardio exercise and strength training activity.

I have been led in this direction for a while now, but I haven't been able to make it "stick."  I tend to over complicate things.  Everything I read reminds me that the key to making this type of lifestyle shift is to keep things simple.  That is hard for me.  So my first order of business, in addition to daily reading or listening to something to help me learn and grow in my understanding - is to gather a collection of meals that are 

    1) easy to prepare

    2) whole food plant based

    3) the rest of the family will eat

    4) that I LIKE to eat (taste good!)

One of my biggest hangups in organizing my life and meals - is that it is SO hard for me to meal plan.  it always has been!  Now if you take away all of my "regular" food and "comfort food," I become paralyzed...  with no clue what to make for dinner.  My plan is to test and try a whole bunch of recipes over the next month.  I will evaluate them, then keep only the ones that meet my criteria.  After 2 months, I should have more than enough recipes that I can just rotate through them and not have the battle of trying to figure out something to eat.  

My over all goals:  Yes, I want to lose weight.  By all current medical standards, I am too heavy.  But I am aware that a number on the scale does not accurately reflect the level of a person's health.  I want to lower my cholesterol numbers and  hopefully never have to deal with diabetes.  I want the pain in my joints (knees especially) to decrease (or go away all together).  I want to be able to hike and walk up stairs without getting out of breath.  I want to live at least another 25 - 35 years in a healthy, active way.   So my hope is, that as I strive to eat good, healthy, nutritious foods, I will accomplish my HEALTH goals, and the hope is that the weight will naturally go down in the process.  I am hoping that writing about what I am learning, doing, and experiencing, will help me stay focused, AND help me process and remember what I am learning and feeling.  

Just in the fact of opening this blog back up (which I haven't done for years...)  I went back and read some old posts, and I remember that I enjoy expressing myself and my thoughts through written word.  It helps me think and see more clearly; plus, as I look back, it helps me remember.  Will it work?  will I stick with it?  Who knows.  But I have to try.  (I know, in just my cursory glance at past posts, this is not the first (or even second or third) post of this kind.  But maybe THIS is the time???  I am hopeful (and prayerful) that will be the case.) 

I don't know if anyone will even ever see what I write here.  But since this is for ME - it really doesn't matter.  

If anyone DOES read this - and you made it all the way to the end.  Wow, I'm impressed!  

Have a blessed day.  

Hello again - here's what I've been up to

March 18, 2019

Well, I obviously took a long break from any thing “miraculous” happening in my mornings.  I have felt super tired and harried.  It actually feels kind of good to be up early and hopeful that today will be a good productive day.

It would be too hard to go back through and detail everything that has been going on, but I’ll hit a few highlights.

March 3rd, Tim was called to be the 2nd counselor in the bishopric of our ward.  Yes, I realize that I did make two journal entries since after it happened in which I didn’t mention it - I had been in a bit of a rush both of those days and wanted to be able to give it proper thought and detail - now I have the time... but I can’t remember “detailed” anything that I felt or experienced two whole weeks ago, so you get the blurb announcement and I’ll move on.

March 10th (last Sunday) - both Katrina and Tim spoke in sacrament meeting.  The topic was the temple - how  attending the temple blesses their lives.  They both did a great job.  I am continually so impressed with Katrina.  Her strength of testimony, her ability to articulate things.  Some people have great “doctrinal” information to share, but the delivery is so halted or difficult to follow or listen to, that you miss out on really getting much of value from the talk.  Other people have great personalities and delivery, but the structure and doctrinal content is lacking, so even though you might be entertained by them, you aren’t really edified.  Katrina nailed it!  Both delivery and content.   Tim also did a great job.  He is so NOT comfortable with public speaking, yet he really does do a great job - as long as he has time to prepare something.  He does not do quite as well if he has to “wing it.”

Another thing that's been happening -  Aaron was gone to New Mexico all last week.  He left Saturday, the 9th, at 7am and got home on Saturday, the 16th, at 9pm.  He was at Philmont scout camp, participating in BSA's “Camp School.”  It means that now he could be a climbing director (or assistant director right now since he’s not 21) at any BSA camp.

I have been up to my eyeballs in scout stuff.  Both Caleb and Bryan participated in the BYU scout POWWOW (march 2nd & 16th)  We went to the 2nd session on Saturday and both boys completed all 3 of their chosen Merit Badges.   (Which meant we were working on a lot of scout homework on the "in between" weeks,  including Caleb's 8 hours of service needed for the citizenship in the community badge).  I probably already mentioned that Bryan advanced to the rank of Life scout at the end of February and is now moving forward with eagle project stuff.  He was able to contact someone from camp MIA Shalom (a church camp used mainly to host girls camps) and they had a project for him to consider, building 4 sets of corn-hole games.  They need them completed before the start of this camping season, so by June 1st.  It puts us in a bit of a time crunch, but it will be good to get it done and out of the way.  We spent a bunch of time yesterday filling out the “Project proposal” portion of the workbook, and hope to gather the signatures needed in order for him to present it to the approval board on Thursday.

This weekend, Tim will be taking the boys up to a “Merit Badge Adventure” up at camp Maple Dell.  Caleb will be working on some “trail to first class” requirements, and Bryan is going to attempt to earn his Welding merit badge.  (he was signed up to do the climbing merit badge, but then he found out that troop 707 is doing the climbing merit badge in April, so he might as well do that one with them, and do something else at this event.

Um, let’s see.  Another thing I am busy with - last Sunday, March 10th, we started back up with the stake choir as we prepare for our annual Easter fireside on April 14th.  As the stake music chairman, it was my job to get all the music pulled from the stake music library so it was ready to go, plus I hang the advertisement posters, send the reminder emails, keep the attendance rolls up to date, and other behind the scenes stuff like that.  I LOVE the songs we will be singing, and I am excited that Brother Ryan Murphy (associate director of the Tabernacle Choir) will be our guest conductor that night.  He is super fun to sing with!  (He is good friends with our stake choir director, Jim Kasen, so we've had him come before to rehearse with us, or as a guest conductor.  We've actually had Mack Wilberg come too, which was super cool. 

I think that is the “fire hose” version of what’s been happening in my life for the past couple weeks.  It has been busy, which has been compounded by my sleeping and staying up too late on most nights.  Hoping to rectify that.

or not...?

I’m sitting here, 15 minutes before i need to leave for work, and it is seriously a BATTLE to keep my eyes open.  My watch buzzed me awake at 5, and I promptly fell back asleep.  Finally got up at 6:50, just in time to get dressed and eat breakfast, have family scripture, and drive the kiddos to school.

I guess my question this morning is;  How is it, that I did so well for over 30 days.  Up by 5 am EVERY SINGLE DAY… accomplishing good positive things first thing in the morning, EVERY morning, then suddenly I lose all ability to control myself? It’s just messed up.  You would think that once the habit is established - and once I’ve seen and experienced the “fruits” of that positive habit… that maintaining it would be more natural and…  well…  EASIER!  Instead, I am finding the  opposite to be true - it seems harder than ever for me.  I just don’t get it.

back in the saddle?

March 5, 2019 Wow - it’s been a few days. In my last entry, I mentioned working on Bryan’s project… well, last Wednesday night we stayed up late finishing it. I knew we had stuff that would keep us busy on Thursday, so we stayed up late getting it done and he turned it in on Thursday instead of Friday. I think it turned out amazing.



I'm posting a picture here, but I know it is too hard to read the papers in the corners.
 One corner is the “Wall of Fame” and has a few of our more “famous” or outwardly noteworthy ancestors. (Charles C Rich, early apostle of the church; Lavina Christensen Fugal, 1955 American mother of the year; Thomas E Ricks, founder of Rick college)
Another corner is a timeline of the year when each basic family line came to Utah. (using the 8 ancestors at his the level of his great grandparents - Mellor, Campbell, Yost, Ricks, Fugal, Robinson, Allred, Strickland)
Another corner was “characteristics of my ancestors that live on in me” (hard work, love of music, theater/acting, strong faith)
and the last corner was “What’s in a name” where he explained the meaning & origin of his name, plus the origins of the 4 family names of his grandparents (Mellor, Yost, Fugal, & Allred) 

Anyway - We stayed up late Thursday night, I got up early the next day to work out… we had a crazy busy day on Thursday with school, after school robotics class, scout court of honor, then the camp JJ parent meeting. By the time I was getting in bed, I was beat and decided I was not getting up early on Friday - that my body needed sleep. So I didn’t get up at 5 when my watch beeped at me. Saturday I got up early enough for bountiful baskets, but not early enough to do my miracle morning routine first, then I went straight from there, back home to pick up the boys then off to BYU scout powwow. Then Caleb has his service project (for citizenship in the community), then a little housework here at home, then off to the temple.

Sunday I also rebelled and slept in. Monday too. Mornings have never really been “my thing.” I am much more of a night person. That being said, I CAN still see that getting up early and following a morning routine is good for me. I’m still not sure I have the “right” routine for me… and it is super hard because I have the 3 days a week when I have Bountiful Baskets, or my workout that mess with the schedule, and I still haven’t figured out the best way to work around that… But for today I am up, and now I have 3 minutes to get to my workout.  Good thing it is only a couple minutes away!