Summer Highlights

It would be impossible for me to go back through and really catch up on everything that's been going on this summer, but I thought maybe I do a couple of "highlights" posts...

One of the stand out days for us this summer was when my sister came down from MT and we all went up to Lagoon. It was Tim and I with our 4 kids, plus Laura & Damon and their 5 kids, plus my brother Mike and his wife Rachael. (we were sorry that Mark and Corinne (and Brynlee and Landon couldn't make it)

We went on THE PERFECT day! The weather was just right - not chilly, not hot. The lines were SHORT all day. The people going on the "big kid rides" had to wait a tiny bit, but in "kiddie land" - the kids practically walked onto every ride. They never had to wait more than one cycle before it was their turn. I'm not kidding! We went on the log ride 3 or 4 times in a row - just got off, ran around and pretty much hopped right back on. We did the same on Rattlesnake Rapids - I think word got out though, because after our 4th (or 5th) ride, there was starting to be a line... Granted, it was still only a 5-10 minute wait time line, but after NO line... we decided we were good and off went went to do other stuff.

Along with the great weather and no lines - we had the PERFECT group of people. It is a pain to be "stuck" in kiddie land all by yourself all day, but since Laura and I were there together, it was really nice. we watched the kids ride and we got to laugh and visit. The kids all had little "buddies" that were their size to ride with. They just loved all the cousin time. While Laura and I were with the little kids, there were plenty of grown ups to take the older boys on the other rides (and keep track of them all). Mike and Rachael are roller-coaster riders so there was nothing they wouldn't take the kids on. The older cousins each had a buddy, or there were enough adults that on scary rides any kids that wanted to sit by an adult could. It was WONDERFUL! It could not have been a better day!

Here are a few of the MANY photos we took that day:













and what day at Lagoon would be complete without playing at least once in the fountain???

a new and positive (and kind of "out there") experience

So - I had an interesting experience last week. As those of you who know me are well aware (and those who only know me via this blog are also probably aware) I have been having a really tough time with life for quite a while now. (one of the reasons I never blog) I've been struggling with so many little things that all add up to ... well, I don't know what they add up to, math was never my strong point - but it has NOT been fun! (or good, or healthy)
I have seriously considered (many times) going to the Dr and starting up on some type of anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication. I really do believe that there are times and circumstances where that IS the answer... however, I just never got the feeling that it was the RIGHT answer for me. I have been searching (rather haphazardly and slowly, but I'm blaming that on the depression) for what IS the right answer for me right now.

Several months ago I came across "Calyco Healing" - a modality of "energy healing." I felt drawn to learn more about it. Back in June I attended an LDS holistic living conference, and I went to a couple classes taught by Carolyn Cooper, the founder of Calyco. I continued to feel strongly that this was something that had the potential to help me and that I needed to look into. Last week I finally met with Nathalie, a practitioner in my area, and I had a really positive experience. As those of you who have read my blog for a long time, may recall that a couple of years ago I tried another "healer" type person, (not calyco) but the positive feelings were fleeting - at best.

There is no way I can go into detail into the things that were "cleared" during my session last week - too hard to explain and too lengthy to read if I did try to write it out, (this post is already SUPER LONG), but I found it very interesting AND beneficial. One thing that she tested was to discover my "birth issue." The basic premise with this is that when we are born, whatever emotions are prevalent in the room when we take that first "breathe of life" become a part of us, and we tend to hold on to the belief that those are the emotions that "life" is supposed to be made of. (my inadequate words) So what were "my" birth issues or feelings?

feeling overwhelmed and burdened.

Yup - that pretty much sums up my life. SO often that is how I feel about life. Completely OVERWHELMED and that everything is just another burden to be carried. She "cleared" those negative emotions (plus MANY others) during the session.

While I was there, I can't say that I felt any huge "release" or "lightening" of my troubles, yet as I drove home, I recognized that I FELT better. (it had been a SUPER rough day at home with the kids - and yet I felt energized and ready to go back home and be with them) When I got home, I found I was able to handle everything they threw at me. The messes of the house didn't freak me out. I seriously didn't feel completely overwhelmed by the sight of the dishes in the sink, and spilled cereal on the floor, and the kids fighting. When the kids were in bed and I went in to my own bed and saw the mountain of laundry there, I didn't feel bad about it, or overwhelmed by it, I just was able to sit down and fold for a while - no negative feelings added. It was a really nice feeling - and I made note of it.

So now... 6 days later??? how do I feel?

STILL BETTER! I feel better. I feel more able to separate myself from situations and consciously make the choice how I am going to react to it. I feel less like I "have to" do all the stuff I am "supposed to do." I feel more free to ENJOY time with my kids. We went camping last week to try to have better viewing of the meteor shower, and while the stress of getting everything ready and packed was still there, and I still got uptight and tense and a little short with people, I was able to release those feelings as soon as we were in the car and on our way - instead of them hanging over me for HOURS into the trip (And sometimes into the next day... like they have in the past)

I don't understand how it works, and I'm not saying that life is all roses and chocolate now - it's still life. There's still sibling conflict, and messes, and dishes, and laundry, and stress, and meals to prepare, and and and - - but it is BETTER. I am going back to see Nathalie again today - this time taking my son, Aaron. He struggles with so many things - one of which is depression. I started taking him to see a counselor a couple weeks ago, and I was surprised as to the depth of his pain and sadness. I had no idea he was struggling so much. I am really hopefully that the combination of ME taking care of MY stuff + a session of energy healing to take care of HIS stuff + counseling to help him know how to learn new skills will equal a happier, healthier child who is able to handle life's challenges and enjoy life to the fullest.

One last thing - Once a negative emotion is released, it leaves a void that must be filled with a positive, or else the negative belief (habitual) will just move right back in. Here are two of my new "replacement" beliefs:

I am learning to be a great mother - one step at a time!
Being a mother is a beautiful thing!

bring on the honey and lemon...

(plus a dash of cayenne pepper too, if you really want to know...)

I woke up this morning and about an hour before church I noticed my voice felt a little scratchy'ish, and I hoped I could get through the day ok... Primary went pretty well, although by senior primary I was glad that I could stop singing quite so strong and let them carry it... Then a quick rush home to get the kids fed, then off to ward choir. that finished at 3:35 and hurried home to find a front room filled with kids. (it's ok - I was expecting them. I just wasn't expecting them to be early and me to be late...)
It was a group of kids from our senior primary. I am preparing them to sing prelude music for our annual primary program. We usually have the program in November, so it's still a ways away, but the songs I want them to do are goign to be a challenge, so they will need lots of practice time. I had several songs I wanted to do, but planned to whittle them down to 3 or 4. the kids out voted me and decided they'd rather start singing 5 minutes earlier and do all 5 of the songs I suggested. If all goes as planned we'll be singing:

* Where Love Is (pretty much straight out of the book)
* Beautiful Savior (also from the book, with the descant on the 3rd verse)
* I Am a Child of God (an arrangement that included an obligato for flute or violin)
* I know that My Redeemer Lives (a challenging arrangement that I'm not sure we can pull off - but the kids wanted to try. if it doesn't work we'll just have them sing the melody and have an instrument play the harmony part)
* I Wonder When He Comes Again (I think this will be the first one I cut if things get too tough. it is another challenging arrangement with 2 parts. The other option would be to do the same s with I know that my Redeemer Lives, and have them sing the melody while the instrument plays the other part...

Today was our first practice, and I was trying to play and lead and teach all at the same time. I think that I will need to have a "real" pianist come, and maybe even another adult to come sing so that the kids have a solid voice to follow when we split into parts. The practice was WILD - the kids couldn't stop talking and yapping and singing opera style and all sorts of crazy stuff, but I am just please that there are so many of them that show and interest and want to sing harder things. I love these primary kids so much, and I am startin to worry that "the powers that be" are contemplating releasing me. That will be a SAD day for me! (my vocal cords will probably enjoy the rest...) I figure I may as well go out with a bang and enjoy the chaos of trying to teach these kids to sing in parts and hold their own. Feel free to wish me luck - I think I'm going to need it!

... for God looketh on the heart...

I went to a funeral today for Tim's uncle, Sam H. He passed away after battling the past 12 years with cancer. Tim's extended family isn't super close, he doesn't really even know their names and stories... so I don't know much either. We see them about once a year, usually just at the annual Christmas dinner. My favorite of the aunts and uncles on the side have always been "Sam and Doris." At the funeral all of the speakers mentioned the fact that you never said just "Sam" or "Doris." It was always "Sam and Doris." Now, while I am the first to admit that I didn't know him well, I knew there was something special about him. He just had a special feeling that he radiated. You just couldn't help but love him.

I wasn't sure I wanted to go to the trouble of finding a sitter for the kids, (or the alternative option of taking them all with me...) driving up to Sandy, attending the funeral, and then coming back home to the messy "post-weekend" house. After thinking a bit more on it this morning, I decided that if I could find a sitter, I would go. Two neighbors, both of whom were willing but had other commitments ( at opposite ends of the time I would be gone), were able to split the time and take my kids. (THANKS Heather and Jenny!) I drove up and was SO SO thankful that I did.

Now you will think me terrible, but in order to share with you the lesson I learned today, I have to reveal a DARK side of me. I am judgmental. (and not in a righteous, good, healthy way) not on purpose, I don't mean to be, and I am trying so hard to do better... but there it is, I am. Now Sam and Doris spent a lot of years not active in the church. To LOOK at them, you would likely see someone fairly uneducated and pretty "rough around the edges." Through the friendship of some good home teachers, they came back to church, but the "outward appearance" never really seemed to change all that much.

Neither of them ever served in highly visible church callings. Neither of them had much formal education. Their family never fit the "Mormon mold" in appearance. (example - many of the family there were in jeans and tank tops or t-shirts... with long hair and body tattoos and piercings) AND YET... That chapel was filled to overflowing today, and the look of loss and grief on so many people faces, was clear evidence of the impact that Sam (and Doris) have had in that ward. Stories were shared about how much LOVE Sam had - for everyone. It was shared how even though he never finished school, he was a master at building anything. They talked of how many homes in their ward had been "fixed" by Sam. - and he never wanted the money... just dinner or a hamburger would be great. He loved the temple. He and Doris went to the temple often, and on all of their travels, they tried to find a temple to attend on the way. He was a good, good man!

As I sat there, I was taught once again the message of 1 Samuel 16:7 :

for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Today I was taught (again) that while I often "look" the part ... I wear my Sunday best, my kids all wear their little Sunday best... I sing in the choir,... I have an educated husband and I feel I can hold my own... I know the "right" answers to gospel questions... I am careful to make sure I have a current temple recommend... None of that means anything if my HEART is not in the right place. It is not enough to LOOK like I'm doing what's right and good - I must be actively DOING my part - giving the Lord my VERY best. On first glance, Sam may not look that he has much to "offer" - but I tell you what - - he gave EVERYTHING he had, and the Lord magnified it 100 fold!


On this day, I express gratitude for Sam and Doris and their example to me of humility, perseverance, hard work, faithfulness, and being finishers! Sam will be missed, but his legacy of love will continue.

Thank you, SAM!

a tear-jerker classic...

On Father's day, my Grandma Fugal passed away. (a post about her may eventually come up, but I'm been such a slacker about blogging and I know if I try to "catch up," I'll never get back into it. So anyway...) at her funeral, the stake president shared some brief remarks in which he recalled a time when he was in her 4th grade class... way back when... and he remembered he reading aloud to the class, "Where the Red Fern Grows." That just happens to be one of my favorite books, and I decided I needed to read it aloud to my kids. We started it about a week or so ago, and the kids are loving it. (Aaron and Katrina especially, Caleb couldn't really care less and Bryan has a harder time following it...) Every night it is that same thing, "One more chapter mom, just ONE more???? PLEASE????"

So today I got home from walking, and instead of being productive, I just happened to open up the book to see what came next... Ya, you know what's coming eh? I re-read to the end, bawling and blubbering like usual. I've already told the kids that Tim is going to have to read the last couple chapters cause I don't think there's any way I can read them out loud... I'll be crying too hard!

Introducing my new BUTTON...

If you look on my sidebar, you will find a new button. Our good friends, Aaron and Holly B., have been hoping to bring children into their family for a long time now. After a long and at times frustrating process, and lots of hoop jumping, they are FINALLY approved by LDS family services and are on the ready to adopt list. The couples that are blessed with children the quickest (which is a hilarious term since "quick" is the LAST word any of them would ever describe this particular trial of life) are the ones who actively network and look for/find a birth mother.

SO - if you know a young lady who has found herself in a situation where she is ready to consider adoption, please give her Aaron and Holly's info and we will hope they "click" from there.

Here (in part) is what Holly posted on her blog tonight:

If you are willing, we would be so very grateful if you would post our button on your blog, or wherever, to get the word out! Information spreads so fast online, we're kind of hoping that will be the case. It's our hope that our little books and our blog button will help us find our birth mother. We are so excited to be adopting, and are so very grateful for the beautiful young women who are willing to say, "I can't raise this child, I want this child to have something more than what I can give it" and are willing to place their baby with families who are just waiting for a precious little spirit to come into their home and their lives.

Here is our button...

To put it on your blog, just add an html gadget and paste this:

<div class="widget-content"><a href="https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24200015/ourMessage.jsf"><img alt="Hoping To Adopt" id="Image2_img" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qyUHrXCcaEc/TCkNDy4bo2I/AAAAAAAABQg/UvvasF_AqzY/S220/Adoption_button.png" height="150" width="150"></a></div>

dang spam!

any of you who comment here - sorry to announce you'll need to do word verification, for at least a while. I've apparently be found by spammers! I just don't get it... what is their purpose??? What are they trying to accomplish????