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Today was a pretty good day for me. I woke up feeling good, so I decided I'd better get busy while the getting was good. I hadn't been going long before I got a call from the person in charge of compassionate service in our ward. There is another sister in the ward who is... (get this)... pregnant and not feeling well enough to take care of her three kids. (she also has a few other health issues that I'm sure compound the situation, I just think it's kind of ironic...) They were looking for people to help take in meals and babysit her kids. The most pressing need was for someone to watch the kids today, so I agreed.
Today (for our summer of fun) we were making cookies and doing secret deliveries to some of our neighbors. I let the kids help mix, roll out, cut out, and decorate the cookies, then they got to go do the knock and run deliveries. They had a great time. (My kitchen doesn't look so great, but it was fun)
I just took the extra kids home and I sat down to chat (online) with Tim and he said, "you need to be on the receiving end of some of this compassion." So now, that's what I'm pondering.
The way I see it is this - I may not be doing super great, but we are doing fine. The house isn't super clean, but it's not a toxic waste land or health hazard yet... It may take me all afternoon (in baby steps) to get dinner made, but it gets done. I'm trying to make sure I spend at least a little time each day helping my kids work and playing with them. I may have to rest in between everything I do, and if I overdo it, I pay for the next day, but I certainly don't think I am in a position that I need to "ask for help."
The problem I have is this: Would I know (and be willing to do it) when the time came that I SHOULD ask for help? I really do have an independent streak and I hate to NEED help from anyone. I really think I probably go to far in the "be self-reliant" direction. (I'm afraid I got my attitude from my mom. She never needs help from anyone, and she is really of the opinion that people use the RS Compassionate Service to the point of abusing it.)
Just wondering if any of you have an opinion on when a person should ask the church members to step in and help. In my mind, I tend to think it's when you just CANNOT do what is NECESSARY to be done. Not things you'd LIKE to get done, but that which HAS to be done. I've never been to that point yet. I can always say "it's not really necessary" or I "Can" do it, just not easily or comfortably, or right this second. I know I am WAY to prideful, and I need to learn to accept service as well as give it, but at the same time, I also really believe people need to do EVERYTHING they can for themselves before they ask the church to step in and help.
Side note - I have a good friend and neighbor who does know that I am expecting and sick, (no one else in the ward knows yet) and I don't have any trouble with it if she calls and offers to take the kids for a while, so it's not like I can't accept ANY help; but I would NEVER call and ask the C. Service person to line people up to watch my kids for me. (at least not for something like my current situation)
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Granted, I don't have kids, and I haven't given this that much thought. But, this is what I think.
When I find myself crying for more than three nights in a row, or waking up with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that I have to face another day for more than three days (consecutive or non-consecutive) in any week, then it's time to ask for help. I go to family first, then close friends, then visiting teachers (who are often close friends anyway). Then, if I'm still floundering, I would go to the RS Compassionate Service.
I've never made it all the way to RS Compassionate Service, but if I was new to an area, had no family around, and hadn't made friends yet, I'm thinking that tier four would come up pretty quick.
On a different note--when I'm a mother and am frustrated with trying to figure it all out, I'm gonna be calling you. So, don't change your phone number without telling me, okay?
I'm the Relief Society secretary in our ward right now, so I hear quite a bit about who needs and/or asks for help. In our ward there seems to be more takers than givers, and the givers almost always seem to be the same people, which sometimes leads to "service burnout." As for the takers, they range from those who think the Relief Society exists to wait on them hand and foot, to those who would rather fall apart than ask for help--but need it anyway.
My personal goal is to be a giver, but if, for whatever reason, I can't be a giver at a particular time, than it's to do my best not to be a taker or to take as little as possible. On the other hand, we all have times in our lives when we are forced to be takers. I believe when those times come it's important to learn to receive service gracefully, allow others the blessings of service, and then pay it forward when you get back to where you can give again.
In other words, I think you have a great attitude about service and self-reliance, but when your baby is born, don't hesitate to let a few people pamper you until you can get back on your feet. :-)
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