I survived Teacher/Staff Appreciation Week! and I feel great!

 I know that title makes me seem ungrateful - I'm not!  I promise.  I love that parents put in so much time and effort to showing their appreciation to the teachers and staff at my school.  It feels great to feel appreciated.  I totally get that in our culture - we very often show appreciation through FOOD - junk food.  I was able to enjoy some food each day - in the lunches they served, and I was able to walk away from the unhealthy options.  It feels really great.

Today for Breakfast I ate a bowl of granola w/strawberries and a couple chocolate muffins that Tim made.  I probably should have passed on those (and having them again as an afternoon AND evening snack - but they are SO delicious.  No, they are not my best choice, but as far as chocolate muffins go - they are pretty good.  Whole wheat flour, coconut oil, brown sugar, yogurt, dark chocolate chips, bananas.  (That's why Tim made them, He doubled the recipe and used up 6 overripe bananas.)  They are SO good!  Yes, I Have been avoiding refined sugars and I am trying to reduce how much I indulge in delicious chocolatey goodness - but since Tim had already made them...  and they are a slightly healthier version - I chose to FULLY ENJOY them!  (There we 24 of them this morning...  we are down to 12!)

https://www.chelseasmessyapron.com/greek-yogurt-chocolate-banana-muffins-movie/

For lunch I had a whole grain bagel at school and another chocolate muffin when I got home - I know, I know...  it is what it is

For dinner I made "creamy one pot pasta with broccolini."  I didn't actually have broccolini, but I had broccoli and it worked great.  I chose to put the onions and garlic into the pot of water, but I roasted the other veggies in the oven, then tossed them in at the end, since I like my veggies on the crispier side.  I thought it tasted good.  The other change was that I had some "cashew cream" in the fridge that I had used early in the week, and I used that instead of cashew butter.  (I wanted to use it up before it went bad - that is one downside to cook whole foods - they aren't chock full of preservatives, so they don't last as long in the fridge.  I have to be mindful of the leftovers and eat them more quickly.)  

https://www.forksoverknives.com/recipes/vegan-pasta-noodles/one-pot-creamy-pasta-with-broccolini/

Can I be done yet?

 Today I am feeling "Put upon."  

Before I go any further - let me be real...  much of my feeling "put upon" is MY OWN FAULT, because I have procrastinated many things, and now they are all staring me down and I am feeling the pressure.  So the reality is, I have no one to blame but myself, but I sure am looking for ANYONE or ANYTHING else I can blame...

Today I worked one of my "long days," plus extra time after school since I was assigned to be part of the team that cleans the staff lounge this week - and the "team" doesn't work very well...  oh well.  One more day!  I can do it.  Got home and ate a small snack/,lunch (leftover curry stuff with brown rice) then started some laundry, made dinner, cleaned up after dinner, did more laundry, folded lots of laundry, sorted a pile of crap in room - a lovely mixture of DI, clean laundry, and mystery laundry...  Boys got home late, after having play rehearsal after school, the staying to work the "mock disaster" until 9.    Now it's 10pm, everyone is exhausted, I am totally beat and want to go to bed, but I still have another load in the wash, so I'll need to stay up until that is done, so I can move it to the dryer.

I want to go into a little rant here...  but I think I will take some deep breaths instead and remind myself that I have to power to keep on top of things more.  I can't be mad and resentful about the things I have to do, when I am the one who could have chosen to not let the laundry pile up...

I did well again today as far as being in charge of my food choices.  THe provided lunch was sandwiches, so I chose a whole wheat roll (not a croissant) a couple sliced of turkey (first intentional meat in almost 3 weeks) with tomato and lettuce.  It was good.  I had some pasta salad & garden salad as my sides.  I waited until I had eat all of my food, then made the conscious choice and I at 4 chips.  (sour cream & Cheddar.).  The "gift today was a big mint brown (or regular brownie) and I gave mine away.  

Breakfast - I had a bowl of granola & green smoothie

lunch - lunch at work as described above, then a small amount of leftover curry & brown rice at 3:30 when I got home

dinner - Tacos.  I fried hamburger for the boys, and made quinoa "taco meat" for me.  It wasn't bad.   I froze a bag of it, so I'll have tacos again in a week or two and the "meat" will be pre-done.  I think I'll make the recipe again, even though I had some issues getting it to turn out the way it sounded in the recipe description...  but I think I'll add some peppers to the mix while I cook it.

   

Yes - it was a better day... and I'm feeling STRONG! PLUS - CALEB's ICE BATH

Funny story for today.  About one hour before Caleb's concert, he decided it would be fun to fill the tub with snow, then add cold water, and take an ice bath.  Oh the screeching and hollering....  Bryan timed him to see how long he could stay in the slushy water.  CRAZY KIDS!

Today was much better for me.  I didn't feel like biting off the heads of everyone who looked at me.  I finished the big project that I signed up to do, and the person it was for appreciated my worked and loved the way I set up the information.  That made me feel good.

Tonight was Caleb's Roots Band concert.  He didn't have any solos or banjo features, which is, of course, my favorite part...  but he did well doing his part.  Made for a long night, having to have him at the school for call time at 6:30, then the band concert starting late, which meant the orchestra concert started even later...  and Roots band plays at the very end. I was there from 6:30 to 9:30.  Luckily I took my computer and finished up that project, and created the "remember to do this" list to hang up for the boys while we are gone.  (things like, remember to fee the dog, and bring in the mail, and clean our the litter box.  all of those things that just magically get done when mom & dad are home)

I am feeling great about my food today.  For teacher appreciate they had soups for the teachers.  There was a vegan option, and I ate that.  I did not eat any of the desserts, and I did take one of the "daily gifts" - chocolate covered pretzels, but I didn't eat any, I gave them to the boys.  It is a good feeling to feel like I am choosing what to eat, instead of my body/cravings being in control of me.  

Food Log: 

Breakfast - a cinnamon oat pancake with nut butter, bananas, and maple syrup

lunch - Wild rice & veggie soup with a roll and a spinach salad w/blackberries

dinner - leftovers.  I had leftover pumpkin black bean enchiladas.

snack - a nut bar and an herbal tea 

Chocolate is my friend... my comfort

 I know I am supposed to be getting past the fact that I use food to sooth my stress...  but today was not a day I could totally do that.  

It's funny, because I can feel that it was a hard day - but when I try to explain to someone WHY it was hard or WHAT made it hard...  it is a whole bunch of little nothings.  I think the stress of our upcoming trip is starting to feel heavy.  Not that I'm not looking forward to the trip, but because there is a LOT to do before we leave, and I am running out of time to get it all done!

There is a saying by Brené Brown, “Choose discomfort over resentment.“ - I am not good at this.  I always seem to choose COMFORT in the immediate situation, then end up feeling stressed out and resentful when I have to follow through on what I said I would do.  Maybe someday I'll get better at that, but I have a personality that is ALL or NOTHING.  If I am going to be a helpful and involved in things, I tend to think I have to do it all...  Need to learn to find some middle ground!

Today was rough.  kids were wild at school, It was one of my "long days," I had a bit of a headache when I work up and my neck was tight and hurting, Katrina's P-day has shifted and we don't get to talk to her until later in the afternoon and I miss our early morning visits.  It is also teacher appreciation, so I had lots of temptations (cookies and treats) calling. out to me.  I resisted, but it wore me down a little I think.  For the teacher "gift" today it was a small bag of that white cheddar popcorn.  No added sugars, minuscule amounts of whey/cheese powder, and I really like that stuff, so I decided it would be ok to have that.  I don't know if there was more to it that I thought, or if it was just a combination of a thousand tiny things added up to push me over the edge... but it was hard.  

All in all, I still made good choices overall, and for as hard of a day as it was - I did pretty awesome!  Let's hope that tomorrow is a better mental day for me!

Food log:

breakfast - oatmeal chia overnight  thing.  (I didn't like this as much as the plain chia seed one.  The the oats soaking overnight, I though tit tasted too "oatmeal chalky."

lunch - teachers were given Hawaiian haystacks.  I chose a plate of brown rice, (no gravy) and topped with a bunch of the available veggies.  

dinner - I tried a recipe a friend gave me.  The photo she sent didn't show the NAME - but it was an Indian style garam masala curry dish, served over brown rice and mixed veggies.  It called for chicken, but I used chickpeas instead.  It was OK.  I ate it fine, but I didn't love it.  I really could have gone for one of my heavy, meat, carb, and fat filled comfort foods!  but I didn't.  We'll see if I like the leftovers better tomorrow, when I'm not in such a cranky mood.  I also had a nice chocolate bar.  it is dark chocolate topped with almond, cranberries, and pistachios.  it does have 9g of added sugar (i've been aiming for NONE but for sure UNDER 8g.  I cut myself a break and ate this one anyway.

TWO weeks of clean, whole food eating.

 Today was a good Saturday.  Bountiful Baskets was a little crazy,  the truck was super late and we were missing but it all worked out fine.   I finally got home at about 9:45, ate some breakfast, then back out again to go pick up Bryan who got home from the jr./sr. trip.  He had a great time.  didn't get much sleep, ate a lot of garbage, but had a great time with some of his best friends.  (many of whom are graduating this year,) so I'm glad he got the chance to go create memories with them.

I got home from picking him up, then changed clothes to go to the funeral of a co-worker.  It was such an unexpected event. She is my age, born in 1970, (I was born in 71) and still have several kids living at home.  One in 7th grade, one in 9th grade, and I think a senior.  She was feeling just fine, no known major health concerns, then two weeks ago, (on that long weekend when we had Fri - Mon off,) I said goodbye to here on Thursday as we walked out of the school, and just a couple hours later she was gone... sudden heart attack.  (Technically, she was kept alive on life support for another week, but in reality, she was pretty much gone before they got her to the hospital. ) It has been such a jarring reminder that life is short.  You never know how much time you have or what moment may be your last.  It is so important to let those you love know how much you care - and to spend your time doing the things that matter most.

I got home from that at about 1:30... and then vegged out and watched a 1959 Cary Grant movie while I ate my lunch.  Fully intended to finish watching the movie while I cleaned the kitchen...  but you can probably guess how that intention turned out.  After the movie, I did clean the kitchen and then made dinner, before Caleb and I went over to Mapleton Jr High to watch his friend Emma in their production of Newsies Jr..  Emma was amazing - as expected, and I was pleasantly surprised with how the rest of the cast did as well.  The young man playing Jack did a great job!

We got back home just after 9pm...  I logged in her to write my entry for the day, then will do my Spanish lesson, then hopefully to go to bed semi-close to on time.  a good night's sleep will be a really GOOD thing for me!

FOOD LOG:  

breakfast - avocado toast, last of the overnight chia seed pudding

lunch - leftover stuffed shells

dinner - pumpkin black bean enchiladas.  These turned out pretty good.  They weren't too much work, certainly no more difficult that my "old regular" enchiladas, and I thought they tasted good.  (again, Tim & Bryan liked them...  Caleb wouldn't try them.  are we seeing a pattern here?)

pumpkin black bean enchiladas

A "leftover" day

 Food log - all leftovers

breakfast - chia pudding thing

lunch - another pizza on pita bread

dinner - stuffed shells.  (note - these tasted better to me today than they did the first night when they were fresh.  Go figure?)

I got up on time this morning (6:30) got in some scripture study before work.  Here are some thoughts from  my study of the parallel stories of Christ calming the stormy sea.  A commentator that I was learning from talked about the different lessons we might pick up on, depending on who was writing. 

Matthew 8 -  Matthew leads into the story by explaining they had just come down from the mount (sermon on the mount) and the "radical" teachings that Jesus taught.  The messages he shared were quite radical for his time and stirred up a lot of questions and ill feelings from the sadducces and pharisees.  In effect, Christ's teachings "stirred up a storm" of trouble with many of the Jews.  Then he performs some healings (again, inviting questioning comments as he interacts with lepers, Roman centurions, and the like... ) Then he is at the side of the seashore and someone asks to follow after him, and again another man asks to follow go with with him but only after he buries his father.  In both cases, Jesus attempts to explain that there is a high cost of discipleship.

Then vs 23.  (unlike in Mark) Matthew states that Jesus went into the ship FIRST and the disciples chose to "FOLLOW him."  THEN the storm comes.  It is a hard truth, that sometimes the very act of choosing to follow the Savior actually invites certain storms into our lives.  Storms that perhaps would have been avoided (or certainly not felt full force) had we turned away.  However, it is only when we are actively following Him, that we can fully experience the power of HIS PEACE.   Another difference between the two tellings, is that in Mark, Jesus calms the storm first, then asks them why they lack faith, and in Matthew, he asks them why they are fearful and lack faith, THEN calms the storm.  Still thinking about the possible reasons or insights of that - 

I actually love that in both tellings, after the Savior calms the sea, the disciples marvel and wonder at the power and authority of Jesus.  I love the reminder that you can have totally made your choice to follow Jesus, you can have faith in Him and believe in Him, and still have moments of doubt... still have moments of fear... and still have moments of sheer WONDER and Amazement.  (Like, "I know you are the son of God and all...  but I still didn't really fully 'get it'.") And for all of these things, He does not love us any less.  He is endlessly patient and merciful.  

Jesus is the source of MY peace.  I am fully aware that life is full of storms.  I am fully aware that choosing to be a "Christian" in this day and age is akin to inviting storms into my life - and still, I CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST.  In Him, and in Him alone, is true peace to be found.  In the midst of the storm is NOT the time to question my choice and jump ship - that is just a sure-fire way to drown!  I choose to stay in the boat with the Master of the seas.  Even in moments when I do feel that fear creep in...  I will choose to continue to trust.  

(This is a song I did with our ward choir a month or so ago.  I love it.  For you musicians out there, just prepare yourself for a painful couple notes on the 3rd verse.  one of the sopranos got a little exuberant...)

here is the text:

When upon the rising seas the angry billows roll
My Savior is my refuge and the harbor of my soul
For when the tempest rages; when night grows dark and chill
He comes to bid my fearful heart,
“Peace, peace, be still.”

When before a rising tide of pain or grief I flee
The Lord will hear my anguished cry and haste to rescue me
For He can calm the tempest according to His will
Or come and bid my fearful heart,
“Peace, peace, be still.”

He who made the rising storm can bid its fury fail
Or bear me up and give me strength to stand before the gale
I’ll wait upon His kindness, and trust in Him until
He calms the wind or bids my heart,
“Peace, peace, be still.”

Better than yesterday

 Today was better than yesterday.  Got up on time, actually did some productive things in both the morning and the afternoon.  Still sat in front of the computer for too long, but still WAY better than yesterday.  

Enjoyed listening to a come follow me podcast today, talked about several of the chapters in New Testament - Matthew 8, Mark 2-4, and Luke 7.  The title of this week's lesson is "Thy Faith Hath Saved Thee."  There are several stories of the Savior healing people in these chapters.  There is also the story of the Savior being out on the ship with his apostles and they are afraid because of the storm.  He wakes, and calms the elements.  

I'll share one thing that I don't think I knew...  or if I did learn it once, I have since forgotten... Luke is apparently know for teaching using "doublets."  where he tells one stories, then tells another one right after that provides almost opposite contrasts.  In this particular pairing, it is the story of the Centurion who come to Jesus, asking him to heal his servant, contrasting with the story of the widow of Nain, who's only son has now died.

Here is a quote from the podcast, Dr Joshua M Sears is the one speaking:

...think about how much these two stories are complete opposites of each other. You've got the centurion is a man and the widow is a woman. The centurion is a Roman and the woman is Jewish. The centurion is rich, the woman is poor, and in bad economic circumstances. He came to Jesus with faith and expressed request for help, whereas she had no idea who Jesus was and Jesus came to her without being asked. His servant was only dying, but her son is already dead. There's all sorts of ways in which you can see a huge contrast between these I think Luke has paired them because they're very much opposites in almost every way you can think about.

I think there's an important lesson there, if you just had one healing story, you might be tempted to think, "Well God loves people in this kind of a situation, or God is going to respond in these circumstances." But by showing the complete opposite, it breaks that down. God doesn't just love him because he's a man or he's rich or he came with this humble request, God is willing to heal and help us in all the opposite situations as well.   

I liked that reminder.  and I am going to have to be on the lookout for more "doublets" in Luke

Food log:

Breakfast - overnight chia seed "pudding' topped with (unsweetened) coconut, almonds, strawberries, cinnamon, & blueberries

Lunch - Two piece of multi-grain toast, topped with mixed nut butter, one with honey & bananas, the other with low sugar raspberry jam.  Also a large handful of Terra vegetable chips.  (the chips are growing on me...)

Dinner - homemade person pizzas on whole wheat pita bread.  I made mine 1/2 pesto & 1/2 regular red sauce.  Topped with plant based cheese, chopped peppers, tomatoes, and spinach.  It was tasty, quick and easy.