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Sometimes life is hard - ya know?
We have worked really hard for the past 6+ months with Aaron. We have paid out a huge chunk of time and money to go through the "Learning Technics - Physio-Neuro therapy" program to help strengthen processes in the brain that are essential for learning. We have had him going in to see a psychologist/counselor to help deal with the feelings of depression, low self-worth, low self-confidence, negative self talk, and all that jazz. We took him to have a session with an energy healer and saw some good things from that as well. We have read a variety of all sort of books, trying to find something that interests him, we have tried to improve the way we deal with him, trying to be more loving, supportive, and building - taking care to correct when necessary but trying to always BUILD, not tear down. I have tried hard to take more time to spend with him, one on one, to strengthen our relationship and help him feel loved.
I feel like I (we) have done everything I know to do - and then some... and I firmly believe we ARE seeing results. Twice in the last week I have gone down to tuck Aaron in at night and "caught him" reading. I tuck him in at night and when I say "i love you" he says "I love you too" instead of "why?" or "whatever" or starting to cry because he just can't believe anyone loves him... As I recently reported, he got 6 A's and 4 B's on his last report card. That is BY FAR the best he has EVER done! While he still usually does poorly on his spelling pretests, using the "learning technics" method of studying his list, he is getting 100% on most tests!
I am super proud of him and I KNOW we are making progress. - That is why it threw me for a loop today when I was asked by a teacher if I had ever considered having Aaron tested and placed on an IEP so that assignment and testing accommodations could be made for him. I just wanted to scream NO NO NO!!!
Rest assured - I didn't scream. I calmly explained that yes, it had been suggested once before - near the end of last year, but that I would only do that as a LAST resort. (and we aren't there yet...) In all of my observational experience, once a kid is labeled - once they are in that "special needs group." They just resign themselves to it and fulfill the label. I also know that Aaron already feels like he is in the "stupid kids" group for reading, math and spelling - and that he is pretty vocal (and feels badly) about that. I explained to the teacher exactly HOW MUCH growth I have seen in Aaron this year, and I gave specific examples. After hearing the differences (and being quite shocked that what they are is seeing IS such an improvement from past years - it's kinda hard to believe when there is still SO far to go...) The teacher agreed that we should probably just hold off and see if he continues the improvement before risking the label.
AM I WRONG???
I know that what we are doing is helping. It just has to be. It can't be my imagination and wishful thinking can it? Please tell me I am doing the right thing... Sometimes I wonder if we should just move and then have him repeat a grade. I feel guilty about this whole mess. I feel like a lot of it is my fault. He is a boy with a late summer birthday - I can't help but think that if I had just held him back one more year - it really would have made a difference. I know, I know - no use crying over spilled milk and all that - but this is my child. I love him and my heart aches for him.
It's just so hard to do everything you know to do, and it still just isn't enough...
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5 comments:
I wouldn't worry about whether you held him back long enough, there is no way to know... Utah has a different cut off than the rest of the world, so yes sometimes kids seem behind BUT when you think about it, with a Sept 1st cut off, Kids like Meliah are starting school with 6 year olds. Yes in the beginning they seem behind but they all catch up.
Caleb has a Sept 19th birthday, he is and always has been a A student.
Terann with her October 6th birthday is an A student, had we started here they would be a grade lower than they are, and both would be going crazy, they seem so much older than kids in the grade below...
Josh and his April birthday is generally a c/d student... anyways my point is, your doing fine, your working on the problems, your doing great!
Aw Jeri, that's rough stuff!
It's not your fault.
It's absolutely not your fault.
I have no mothering experience to draw on of course, but for whatever it's worth, I think you're doing it "right".
It would be one thing if you had your head in the sand saying, "Not my kid, there's no problem with my kid, etc.", but you recognize that there are problems, and you and Tim and your kids are making sacrifices of time and energy and money all for the good of Aaron.
If you see progress, and Tim sees progress (and when you pray about it you don't get the big "stupor stop sign"), then I think you're okay with the road you're on.
(The fact that Aaron's teacher agreed with you-after hearing all the facts-is a good sign too, if you ask me.)
I'm with Heather on the whole birthdays and school thing.
(On the bright side, when Aaron is ready to go on a mission, he'll be able to get a whole extra year of either school or work (or some of both) in before he goes. That will probably put him in a pretty good position. It's down the road, but still, not a bad situation to be in.)
I sent two kids early, and held two back. They are all doing just fine. Each kid is different, and I don't think that comes with being the oldest or youngest in a class. I think it is just who they are. Aaron is growing and maturing, and he has improved. You are doing amazing things with him, and I admire you very much for all the time and energies that you have put in to help him to learn and grow, and find confidence in himself.
I would continue to have open communication with the teacher, and then you and Tim decide if and when you will change what you are doing.
One thing that I know that has been done here, is that on spelling for instance, the child is still given the same list as the other kids, but he is only required to do every other word, or the first half or whatever. The kid still takes the test with the rest of the class, and no one knows but the child and the teacher. When the child is taking the test, he only writes down the words he has studied. There are options to simplifying without putting him in a separate class or what not. Takes a little creativity and cooperation on the part of the teacher, but I think you are doing right.
Keep your chin up, and doing what you are doing. You are a great mom!
You gave out your blog address in a Christmas card once and I have been silently "stalking" you since then...;)
But I wanted to comment because I know nothing about raising children, but I do know that when you do everything you can do, that's when God will step in and make up the rest. It's what the Atonement is for, right? He'll be okay!
And for the record, I started school before I turned 5, and was just fine...so you had no way of knowing what you should have done one way or the other and should NOT beat yourself up!
Now I will go back to my silent lurking.
All of us miss seeing you guys, especially at this time of year! Happy Thanksgiving!
Hello! you don't know me but I came across your blog after doing a search for physio-neuro therapy. I enrolled my daughter in the learning technics program, and ended up being dissappointed. It's a long story, but basically I feel that the instructor we had wasn't well enough trained, and we are back to square one with my duaghter, only this time $3000 poorer. I do believe that the program works, when it is done right, but am very dissappointed in how we were not taken care of. I wanted to talk to another mom that went through the program with their child to see how the program is going, or how it went for you.
Thanks!
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