The power of girlfriends

For the past several years, I have considered myself someone who really doesn't "need" girlfriends. I suspect that this comes in part from the fact that about 8 years ago I was "claimed" as the best friend of someone in my neighborhood, and to be honest, the relationship is quite draining on me.
She is the type of person who is very controlling, honestly believes that she is always right (and she demands that everyone admit that she is right) and always needs the focus on her and her current crisis - whatever that may be. She only wants to have ONE best friend. This translates into her feeling that I should accept HER as my ONE and ONLY best friend. For the longest time, she would get upset/jealous if I spent time with (or much time talking with or about) anyone else besides her. (This is the same friend who recently chastised me for being "emotionally unavailable." She is correct, I have pretty much had to become emotionally unavailable to her, because it is too difficult for me. It is too hard to try to share your thoughts and feeling with someone who isn't interested in anything except themselves and their own problems)
To be fair, I have to take accountability for my part of this mess. I am a chronic "pleaser." I am one who (wrongly) will consistently back down and let someone else have their way, even though I'm cussing under my breath about it. I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent;" likewise, no one can "use and abuse you" without your consent. In saying this, I am attempting to acknowledge that while she may be overly demanding and controlling, I allow it - so who's fault is it really???

ANYWAY, this past weekend I got together with my best friend/roommate from college. She and I haven't really spent anytime together for a long long time. I went up north for her wedding in April, and prior to that I think the last time I may have seen her was like when Aaron was a baby (Aaron is 7 years old now.) We've been Christmas card buddies, and an occasional email here and there. More recently, we've been blogging buddies, which is the greatest thing. I feel like I am so much more involved in the ins and outs of her daily life. At least that information which is 'world-wide-web-share-able.' Last Saturday we got together and just sat and talked for several hours. When I got home, Tim asked (probably only out of politeness) what we talked about. I tried to explain to him - but the list was so random and long and jumped around... basically we talked about a whole lot of everything and nothing. It was wonderful.

I've given it quite a bit of thought since then, and I've decided that having a real girlfriend would be a great thing. I decided that that is what I use this blog/blogging community as. My way of communicating with my "girlfriends." I get to talk about the fairly mundane and meaningless feelings of my day to day life. I get the support and love and encouragement to keep trying and to do better. I get to share in the day to day joys and struggles of my friends. (and from some strangers whom I now consider as friends, even though I've never met them. Is it "phony" friendship??? That's what my aforementioned friend says. She tells me quite frequently that blogging is dumb and a waste of time and blah blah blah... Well - I don't think agree at all. It has been therapeutic for my soul. It has been a wonderful way for me to feel re-connected to the power of girlfriends. The feeling of knowing that someone out there is taking the time to read (aka listen to me) what I have to say, even if it's not incredibly intelligent or enlightening or even very interesting at times... To know that if I go a week or so without posting - someone will notice. (I know because I notice when people are gone for a long time - welcome back Harmony) I just wanted to take this post this morning to thank-you.

Special thanks to Charlotte and Melissa, who introduced me to the blogging world and who I know are there listening and supporting me with each and every post; to Candace - my new "stranger friend" from whom I feel so much support and acceptance; and to Tim - my wonderful husband and friend. (Dr Laura says we should not expect our husbands to 'talk ' with us as if they were our girlfriends... I expect that with my 'girlfriend deficiency', I've relied on Tim in that regard more than I should, but he never complains. He's a good man.)

I think that for the next little while I'll be thinking more about this girlfriend thing, and trying to figure out a way to establish and maintain some true friendships. The kind like I have with Charlotte or Melissa - where you can go 7 years with no contact, then just pick right up where you left off.

Again... THANK YOU my friends.