A WHIRLWIND of a day!

 I am sitting here, just exhausted and wanting to go to bed.  I have been doing some deep breathing, trying to calm down the stress/anxiety/cortisol racing through my body.  A win is that when I am stressed like this and the world is spinning around me, I always want to sooth myself with Chocolate.  Instead of doing that - I am choosing to sooth with my favorite herbal tea.  (Really hoping it does the trick long enough for me to write out this post and then get to bed.

Today started, as you know, with a lack of sleep due to a late night session helping Bryan prepare his essay and resume to turn in as part of his application for GHA.  I thought my alarm was off, but apparently not.  It went off at 6:30 and woudlnt' you know... today was one of those days when I couldn't fall back asleep.  I guess that was good because I was able to read my scriptures and do a few things here at home before heading off to work.  

After work I came home and starting making dinner.  As soon as the boys got out of school I drove over to meet them at the medical clinic where we get their physical's done.  (They will both be working for the BSA organization this year.  BSA provides the staff for the camp down in Moab where Aaron used to work.  It used to be called "Entrada," but is now named "The Moab Adventure Base."  This camp is where BYU holds it's summer Adventure for Youth camps.  Bryan and Caleb will both be workign there this summer, so they needed to submit their BSA medical/health forms.  These were supposed to have been turned in a few weeks ago, but we hadn't gotten around to getting them done.  We HAD to get it done before Bryan left for the senior trip.  We got those done, then got home and I finished making dinner.  

After dinner, I worked with Bryan on the final editing of his papers for GHA.  We got those done and submitted - then he raced off (15 minutes late) to the Young Men's activity.  While the boys were at YM, I ran to Sam's club to buy snacks & drinks.  (Each student going on the trip was supposed to bring some type of snacks and drinks to share with everyone.). I got home, ready to have an hour or so when I could relax, record thoughts of the day, clean up dinner, etc...  Apparently, this was just not meant to be.

Bryan was supposed to already be packed for the senior trip by this time, but being my procrastinating child... he wasn't...  but he wasn't worried about it because he'd have almost an hour to pack between YM and 10 pm - the time he needed to be at the school so everyone could load the bus and be ready to pull out at 10:30.  THEN - 1/2 way though the YM activity, Bryan got a text saying that the weather people are predicting a snow storm coming in tonight and the bus driver wanted to leave as early as possible, to hopefully get out in front of it.  They wanted everyone to be at the school by 9 pm instead.  Bryan ran into the house about 8:35 and started running around like crazy trying to find what he needed and get his stuff packed.  I had forgotten to pick up a VISA gift card for him (they are responsible for paying for their own lunch each day, and the parks don't take cash... so each student is supposed to bring a card of some type to pay for their food.). I stopped at TWO different convenience stores between our house and the school.  The first sells those cards, but they were all sold out of the VISA/MC ones.  The second said they sold them, but the person who was authorized to active them wasn't working at the time, so they couldn't sell me one!  I ended up dropping Bryan off at the school at 9:15, with MY credit card, just in case the bus left before I could make it back.  Then I raced over to the nearest grocery store and bought a Visa card.  I managed to make it back to the school by 9:30, and trade cards with Bryan.  I assume the bus left just a few minutes after that, because when I check the location app we use to track each other (Life 360) I could see that he was nearing Mona, which is about 30 - 35 minutes south of here.   (I know I could have just sent him with my card, and it probably would have been just fine, but if it gets lost, it's a lot bigger hassle.  If he loses this gift card one, yes, he loses a chunk of money...  but we don't have to report and replace a lost card...  then change all of the accounts that are paid automatically with card, etc...

I am happy to know that the GHA application is DONE.  Summer job paperwork for BOTH boys is COMPLETE.  For better or for worse, Bryan is officially on his way to enjoy this Jr/Sr trip... and I'm sure he'll have a great time.  Life should be a little slower and calmer for few days.  AND - I did NOT give in to the urge to self-soothe with chocolate, bread, or any other highly addictive food.  My Bengal Spice tea is doing the job and I'm feeling better. 

Food Log:

Breakfast - Granola with almond milk and strawberries

Lunch - leftover red pepper & tomato soup with 1 piece of toast (sprouted wheat bread) and a handful of "whole grain & ancient seed pita crackers."

Dinner - Stuffed shells, side salad, and whole wheat breadsticks.  This dinner didn't turn out super great.  The shells were stuffed with a "tofu ricotta cheese mix (with spinach)". They weren't bad, but I didn't LOVE them either.  It might have been the pasta sauce I used...  it was a new brand - so maybe that made a difference too.  The breadsticks turned out HORRIBLY.  (I.just used my regular recipe but used 100% whole wheat flour instead of white.  It did NOT work well and did not taste good!  Then again, I was being pulled in multiple directions, do maybe I killed the yeast, or maybe I should have taken the time to let them rise...  or whatever. I know I forgot to add the salt, so then I tried to knead it in, which didn't work super well...  I will try again - but this batch - A DISASTER!)

Late night. a mom's job is never-ending

Short post tonight.  It is already after midnight and I should have been in bed hours ago.  I was up late helping Bryan work on his essay and resume that are required for his Governor's Honor's Academy (GHA) application.  The applications are due on Friday, but he is leaving tomorrow to go on the jr/sr trip...  and he won't really be able to work on it or submit it while he's gone, so we need to finish it and get it turned in by tomorrow evening.  Obviously, it took us a while, but I think we came up with a good finished product that will give him a good chance of being accepted into the program.  He is going to take them in to school tomorrow to get additional feedback from some of his teachers, then we'll do some final editing and get it all submitted. 

Now I need to get to bed!  lack of sleep is NOT my friend when it comes to me having the strength to resist sugars and other junk food.  

Food Log:

Breakfast - steel cut oats, topped with almond milk, strawberries, unsweetened coconut, almonds, cinnamon, and a drizzle of agave syrup (can you tell strawberries were on sale last week.  They are delicious and I am enjoying them in abundance while they last)

Lunch - Leftover Quinoa Enchilada casserole (it was just as good re-heated as it was yesterday) & leftover salad

Dinner - leftover veggie burgers with carrots & peas dipped in hummus and some Terra "real vegetable chips."  (yes, they are processed foods, but definitely better than my usual favorite, sour cream and onion Pringles... and I only had a small number.)

Snacks - handful of dark chocolate chips and pistachios

Dinner was a WINNER! and my SABBATH was a "delight."

Today was a pretty great day.  There are many scriptures that speak of the Sabbath, and one of my favorites is Isaiah 58:13-14, which says, in part,

"If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
From doing your pleasure on My holy day,

And call the Sabbath a delight,"

Today was certainly a delightful Sabbath.   Music is one of my most reliable conduits to feeling the spirit of God, and my day was blessed with beautiful music.  I am currently servings as the ward choir director, and we were scheduled to sing today.  The song is a long and challenging one (challenging for a ward choir anyway...  especially one where we have a slew of young children who are our most regular attending sopranos...) and we came super close to just deciding to postpone the song until we had a little more time to practice.  I really want to move forward though, so we worked extra hard and I am happy to say that it went really well.  It is a beautiful song, written by Ryan Murphy, called "Hear Him."  It is all about learning to hear the words of Christ and listen to the spirit as He directs us in our lives.  if you want to listen hear a recording... 

 

Then tonight we had our first Stake choir rehearsal, in preparation for our Easter Fireside that will be held at the end of March.  It is always such a blessing to sing with that choir and under the direction of Jim Kasen, who is a phenomenal musician and a dear friend.  Singing beautiful music that helps connect me to Christ and reminds of of His incredible gift of the atonement is just amazing!  I LOVE it!

It was a busy day - two choir practices, two hours of church, the boys had their "emotional resilience" self-reliance class, then Bryan had a mission prep class...  lots going on.  I knew we wouldn't have much time between getting home from church and the boys needing to leave for their first evening meeting, so we tried a new recipe for a "quinoa Enchilada Casserole that was a "2 hour in the crockpot" deal.  It went together super quickly, I was easily able to throw it all in the crockpot in my 45 minutes of time between ward choir and leaving for church.  Cooked on high while we were gone, and was ready to eat when we got home.  AND IT WAS DELICIOUS!  I really liked it and will definitely make it again.  

Here is a link to where I got the recipe - gotta give credit where credit is due!   https://jessicainthekitchen.com/slow-cooker-quinoa-enchilada-casserole/comment-page-3/?ssp_iabi=1677444595142#comments

*not a picture of my actual dinner...  I forgot to take a picture of mine before I ate it - this is a photo from the recipe post.  I followed the recipe as stated.  I used green enchilada sauce because apparently that was all I had downstairs.  Also, I didn't add cheese at the end.  I just added the lime juice, then let people put cheese on top of their own as desired.  (I tried a non-dairy cheese and the rest of the family used regular cheese. 

FOOD LOG:  

Breakfast was left over baked oatmeal (topped with strawberries and maple syrup). 

Lunch - I think I missed it again.  I don't feel badly about that, since I ate a late breakfast and an early dinner...

Dinner - Quinoa Enchilada casserole

Pantry Organization

 Hello - it was a pretty good day.  

The thing I am most proud of for today is that I managed to plan out this weeks WFPB menu, then I went shopping to buy what I needed.  (Food planning is always a challenge for me...  I don't really know why, but it is!)  

I also cleaned out and organized the pantry - hopefully in such a way that I will waste less food (usually because I can't find something I "thought" I had, so then I go buy more, and by the time I find the one I lost, it has gone bad) and I can start to feel more confident using WFPB staples.  I went to the Good Earth market, and they had lots of things available in the bulk bins...  I think it this new system works as I envision, the pantry should stay better organized, planning the shopping list should be easier, and I should spend less money.  Here's hoping!  

Another fun thing is that I found a cookbook titled "Simply Fresh" in my pantry (I have a LOT of cookbooks).  I don't remember how or where I came by this particular book, but as I flipped through, I LOVE it!  It has basic ingredient, WFPB meals, that look pretty easy to prepare, and fairly family friendly. Most of the meals I planned for this week came from that book. 

Food Log:

Breakfast - an almond cherry breakfast "cookie on the go,"  then later, some cinnamon oat pancakes topped with fresh strawberries & 100% maple syrup.

Lunch - I can't remember...  I wonder if I accidentally missed lunch...?

Dinner - Taco salad (sin carne)   

Snacks - handful of pistachios & a handful of no added sugar "chocolatey trail mix".  Another WIN from today (in additional to organizing the pantry)...  is that Caleb made a batch of brownies - and I didn't eat any.  even better, was that it wasn't killing me...  I mean, I love chocolate, but it wasn't like I was battling myself to NOT eat a brownie.  

Wow - what a difference a day can make.  I felt a little better by the time I went to bed - don't know if it was writing it out, or drinking a "Herpower" drink that helped stabalize me, but either way, I didn't feel like biting everyone's heads off by the time I went to be.  I think it was about 11 'ish when I got into bed.  THEN...  guess who woke up at 4:30 AM and couldn't fall back asleep???  Yup - that would be me!  At 5 I gave up trying to sleep and got up.  It was a great morning.  I made some baked oatmeal and green smoothie for breakfast, did my scripture study, got shower, and still got to work on time.  Surprisingly enough, I didn't even fall asleep mid afternoon like I usually do.  SO - today was a pretty great day.  I'l take it!

Fun side note - not related to my food and lifestyle changes...  but we got Tesla solar panels put on our roof today and a battery wall installed on the side of the house. 

Another fun thing from today was that this morning - at 5 am...  I happened to check the online scheduling for the local temples, and I was pleasantly surprised to fine an opening for initiatory at 5:15 at the Provo, Utah temple.  It was great to go.  I have been able to go to the temple once a week for the past month and it has been a blessing.

Last thing - I work up and found a tender mercy in my email box.  I got a blog post from the Amen Clinic about looking for the micro-moments of happiness.   The following is not the entire post, but the main points.

"The big “H”— happiness—doesn’t require major life-changing events, accomplishments, or milestones. Start finding joy in the smallest things you can: hearing a bird sing outside your window, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face when you step outside, petting your dog or cat, taking that first sip of your favorite brain healthy smoothie, or cracking open a new book.

These are micro-moments of happiness.

Most of us gloss over these little things, searching instead for the big experiences. But it’s important to savor these precious times because, when your brain pays attention to them, they add up to more overall contentment and satisfaction with your life. The more micro-moments you cherish, the greater your sense of joy.

One of the quickest ways to identify the little things that make you happy is with an exercise called the 4 Circle of Happiness. Basically, you identify happiness boosters in each of the following 4 areas of your life:

• Biological Circle: how your physical body and brain function
• Psychological Circle: developmental issues and how you think
• Social Circle: social support, your current life situation, and societal influences
• Spiritual Circle: your connection to God, the planet, past and future generations, and your deepest sense of meaning and purpose

To do this exercise, take a sheet of paper, draw 4 circles, and write “Biological” in one of them, “Psychological” in the second one, “Social” in the third one, and “Spiritual” in the last one. Within each circle, write down the micro-moments that make you happy in that area of your life while keeping these questions in mind:

• What brings a smile to your face?
• What makes you feel good about life?
• What do you value most?

When you have finished, look at how many things you have listed in each circle. Does one circle have a much shorter list? Are you out of balance in any of these areas? If so, you may be neglecting one of your circles.

I didn't take time to do it today - but I think this would be a good exercise for me to do.  Well - that's it for my day.  Tomorrow I need plan a menu for next week.  (Always the biggest challenge for me...  wish me luck!

Food Log for today:

Breakfast: baked chocolate chip oatmeal topped with strawberries and pure maple syrup & a green smoothie (spinach, kale, carrot juice, beet juice, orange, strawberries, pineapple, dates, ground flaxseed)

Lunch:  leftover creamy broccoli potato casserole, baby carrots & snap peas dipped in hummus

Dinner:  red pepper tomato soup with sprouted whole grain toast & an apple

I spoke too soon

So, remember how yesterday I said I was feeling good about things, I felt like I was over the "detox" period, and I was feeling positive???  Today - I'm not in such a positive place.  Maybe it's PMS?  Maybe it's the weather/barometric pressure change? (we had a major snow storm blow in on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning). Maybe it's just regular hormonal ups and downs or my regular depressive ups and downs...  I don't know, but I do know that tonight I am in the kind of mood where it is best to just steer clear of me!

I am feeling irritable, tired, unappreciated, overworked, and impatient.  Not a great place to be.  I am going to choose to hope that it is a natural process that my body is going through.  I've been watching a video today by Dr. Frank Sabet, about overcoming food addictions.  He talks in detail about the release of pleasure hormones (serotonin & dopamine) and the neuroreceptors in the brain.  He explains how food manufacturers scientifically worked to figure out how to increased the "bliss point" of processed foods to create highly addictive foods.  These calorie dense, high in Sugar, Oils, and Salt, processed foods, cause a drastically increased release of serotonin & dopamine.  Because there is such a high amount of those hormones, the body reacts by thinking, "oh we have too much, we need to reduce the amount of those hormones and decrease the amount of receptors that are available to receive them.  Our physical ability to feel pleasure is actually reduced.  The body then has to receive MORE quantities of whatever it is that we are receiving pleasure from in order to feel good.  (this is the same pattern you will see with any addictions, drugs, alcohol, technology, pornography, etc...) Going back to specific food addictions - Then when you try to reduce the Sugar Oils and Salts in our body, the cravings are HUGE and the withdrawal effects are intense.  I am going to trust that either I am PMS'ing, in which case it isn't my fault that I'm feeling like a witch right now, OR I am doing a good thing by cutting out the C.R.A.P. foods  (Calorie Rich And Processed) and my body is struggling to find and feel pleasure as it works to rebalance itself.  Yes, the brain will eventually re-regulate the levels of serotonin and dopamine that are released, and the nerves can rebuild the necessary receptors to receive them, but that will take time.  I have to be in it for the long haul.  I have to push past each low, and trust that my body can and will heal itself if I continue to give it the nutrition it needs.  I didn't do fabulously in pushing through the lows today... Because I was in such a foul mood, I ate some chocolate.  it was all dark chocolate, so lower sugar levels, but I still probably should have tried to be stronger and resisted the temptation to self medicate with the chocolate.  It really is an addiction...  a powerful one.

Food Log: 

Today for breakfast I had steel cut oats with cranberries, unsweetened coconut flakes, almonds, almond milk, and a squirt of date syrup.

For lunch I went out to eat and got a "buddha bowl" at Ginger's cafe.  it was OK - but there was something in it that tasted a bit "off."  I could never quite figure out what it was.  Then again, it was all on a bed of greens, like arugula and other bitter greens, so maybe that was it.  

For dinner I made homemade veggie burgers with sweet potato "chips." The burgers tasted pretty good.  (I topped mine with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and avocado) For the chips, I just sliced the sweet potatoes, salted them, then cooked them in the air fryer.  It was a bit of an experiment and I burned about 1/2 of them...  whoops.  the ones that worked tasted pretty good.  I think I'll keep trying to figure out how to make that work better.

Here's my Buddha bowl lunch:  beets, quinoa, carrots, black beans, & avocado on a bed of healthy greens.  It was supposed to come with a citrus dressing, but they were out of that, so I tried the sesame dressing.

The homemade veggie burgers.

my sweet potatoes in the air fryer (before they burned)

The recipe I used for the burgers

https://www.emilieeats.com/black-bean-quinoa-veggie-burgers/#tasty-recipes-5578-jump-target

Progress & a few recipes

 So I started trying to consciously make better choices (again) last Friday.  (today is Wednesday). I especially tried to actively steer away from anything with added processed sugar & white flour.  I found it interesting (and not surprising) to find that on Sunday, I woke up feeling pretty yucky.  I had a headache all day and didn't feel my best.  I am assuming that it was just a sign that my body was going through a detox.  From everything I have read, this is a normal thing when you stop feeding your addictions... (drug, alcohol, or FOOD) detox is real - and not very fun.  Luckily, I have been trying to be "better" for a while, so  even though the last week or so had been less than stellar (Valentines Day and all the accompanying chocolate - and other - treats) I had still been consuming less junk overall; suffice it to say - some detox discomforts, but only a day's worth, so not as bad as it could have been.

On Saturday, we had our monthly "group date" with some friends from the neighborhood, and after our scheduled activity, we came to my house for "treats."  I used the group as my taste testing group to try out some new no refined sugar, no refined flour treats.  I made two kinds of cookies, they were OK - but not so fantastic that I am dying to make them again... plus an apple cranberry crisp and a chocolate strawberry cheesecake.  (it was supposed to be vegan, calling for dairy free cream cheese, but I couldn't find any, so I just used regular cream cheese. ) The chocolate dessert was the most like a "real dessert" - as it had a lot of dates in the crust & date syrup as a sweetener in the filling.  It was pretty good.  I will make it again for special occasions.  The crisp was also good, but pretty tart.  I think if I make it again, I'll add a few more dates to counteract the tartness from the cranberries.

I spent time on Monday searching for some recipes to try to for dinner.  Monday night I made a "Creamy Broccoli Potato Casserole."  It was pretty labor intensive and while it tasted OK,  I don't know if it was worth the time and effort.  (not to mention it bubbled over in the oven and when trying to bake cornbread tonight, I filled my house AGAIN with smoke and the terrible smell of burning "cashew/nutritional yeast sauce."  I haven't chucked the recipe yet, but it won't be something that is a frequent "go to" recipe. 

Tuesday night I didn't have to make dinner, as we were having a Relief Society dinner, Cafe Rio style salad.  I just chose to build a salad without adding the meat or cheese.  I ate lettuce, beans, rice, salsa, guacamole, tomatoes, and the dressing.  It was good.

Today I made "The Best Chili Sin Carne" - with vegan cornbread on the side.  This recipe was a WINNER!  I thought it was really delicious.  Bryan had a bunch of friends over to go sledding, and they came back planning to build a fire and roast hotdogs.  They found out that we are apparently OUT of hotdogs, so I offered the kids some chili.  ALL FIVE of the teenagers who ate the chili LIKED it.  Sounds like a winner to me!  (I haven't heard yet from Caleb as to whether or not he liked the chili...  but he did say he liked the cornbread.)  I know the cornbread doesn't 100% fit the WFPB parameters, because it calls for oil and sugar, but I made a few adaptations and figured it was still a way better choice than my usual White flour, refined sugar version.  I figure that is my goal, to find ways to make eating a mostly WFPB diet that my family will think is still normal and tasty.  Here are links to the recipes that I used.  I didn't get a picture of the chili - I was too busy helping all the extra teens in the house get their food, and then I was too busy EATING!  I will definitely make this one again!  (here is a picture from the post where I got the recipe. ) 

https://nutriciously.com/wp-json/mv-create/v1/creations/2/print.  (I doubled the recipe.  I didn't have any zucchini, but I had two yellow squash, so I used those.  I also used 1 - 15 oz can of diced tomatoes, and 2- 10 oz cans of Rotel tomatoes with green chilies.) 

https://www.noracooks.com/the-best-vegan-cornbread/.  (i used whole wheat flour instead of white, and cut the sugar to 1/2 cup, using a combo of white and brown.  I think next time I make it I'll try using honey as the sweetener.  I also found that the batter looked way too thick, I assume because I was using whole wheat flour, so I ended up adding more almond milk, no idea how much, just until it looked more like my normal cornbread batter ) 

So - how's it going?  I'm feeling good about things.  I feel like I look a little less bloated.  I haven't had any more "detox headaches."  I had a couple opportunities today to eat "treats" - people at school are always offering such temptations, but I was able to reflect first, and then make a conscious choice to walk away.  I feel good about that.

Four Years Later....

 I just looked at the beginning words of my last post...  talking about feeling super tired and harried.  I have to say, not much has changed- I still feel that way most of the time.  That's not to say that things around here haven't changed.  Since my last post, the world went through a world wide pandemic with Covid-19.  Schools & churches were shut down, businesses shut down, people who seemed to be healthy ended up in ICU and many died or came away with long term complications, other people who seemed unhealthy and at highest risk, got covid and it was nothing more than a regular cold-like illness.  Isolation was really hard on some people, other people loved it and wished things would never go back to "normal."  It really didn't bother me too much.  I kind of liked the slower pace of things.  I didn't necessarily agree with all of the edicts being handed down by "big brother government" - but I also believe that for the most part, people were trying to do their best with the ever changing stream of unknowns and new information coming at them. This post is not meant to be a commentary on Covid or the things that happened, but yes, I fear that some things that took place will be showing their "unintended consequences" for years to come.  I just didn't feel like I could jump into a post, FOUR YEARS LATER, without at least acknowledging that we went through some interesting times in the interim.

Also since it's been 4 years...  here's a very brief family update - Aaron (22),  is married to a darling young lady named Hailee.  We love her and think they are good for each other.  Katrina (19) is currently serving an 18 month mission for our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  She is serving down in the Londrina, Brazil mission and is enjoying the experience, even with all of the challenges that come with it.  Bryan is a jr. in high school and is active in Cross Country, Hope Squad, NHS, Theater, and anything thing else that catches his fancy. Caleb is a freshman in high school and is facing the challenges of adapting to a new school and new "high school drama."  He is much more sensitive to the opinions of others, so HS is going to be more of a minefield for him than for Bryan, but so far, he seems to be doing fairly well.  Tim still works his "regular job" plus his two side jobs as real estate agent & property management / landlord for our investment properties.  I continue to work part time as a 3rd grade teacher's aide.  It is likely I will continue to do that until Caleb graduates from HS, then we are hoping the investments properties will be enough to sustain us, and Tim can take an early retirement and we can spend time traveling, serving, and perhaps even living abroad for a while.  We'll just have to wait and see see if and how that works out.  (here's a couple of more recent photos.  The first picture is when we took everyone to "Evermore," back in October before Katrina left on her mission. (Hailee, Caleb, Bryan, me, Katrina, & Tim) The other was also in October, taken on our Fall Break trip down to Marysvale, Utah.  (Bryan, Katrina, & Caleb in the back, Hailee, Aaron, & Tim in the front.  )

The main reason I decided to try to get back to blogging, is because I am wanting to use this space as a place to track my journey as strive to move to a more whole food plant based way of living. (and the rest of my life as it ebbs and flows, because really, you can't separate the two.)  I have been seriously struggling with my weight for the past 17 years.  I have been living the definition of yo-yo dieting, and it is NOT a healthy way to live, nor is it helping me reach my goals.  I want to be able to serve, travel, play with grandkids, go hiking, be active, etc...  for many years to come - and yet, the reality is that even now, at only 51 years old, my knees ache.  I am a good 50+ lbs overweight.  I am tired and exhausted almost all of the time.  I live on a perpetual rollercoaster of depression.  I have trouble concentrating and focusing on things.  My cholesterol is too high.  In my immediate family, 4/8  of us have been diagnosed with diabetes, and my sister, while not diabetic now, had gestational diabetes while pregnant.  I have long know that diabetes, for me, was probably not an IF, but rather, a WHEN...  Basically, I am NOT living a life (or a life style) that is going to have me in a place where I can still move and hike and play and comfortably travel for the next 10 - 20 years.  I need to figure this out and I need to do it now!  

It's like the saying, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.  The next best time to plant a tree is today.  

It can't be a matter of just going on yet another diet.  Been there, done that.  I need to change my relationship with food and my mental connections with it.   

Here is what I am thinking today:

    * I need to continue to study and educate myself about food addictions & healthy food habits

    *  I need to move to a Whole Food Plant Based way of eating.  No, I don't have to be 100%.  But the  majority of my food needs to be REAL FOOD - and mostly PLANT BASED

    * I need to do regular basic exercises that incorporates both cardio exercise and strength training activity.

I have been led in this direction for a while now, but I haven't been able to make it "stick."  I tend to over complicate things.  Everything I read reminds me that the key to making this type of lifestyle shift is to keep things simple.  That is hard for me.  So my first order of business, in addition to daily reading or listening to something to help me learn and grow in my understanding - is to gather a collection of meals that are 

    1) easy to prepare

    2) whole food plant based

    3) the rest of the family will eat

    4) that I LIKE to eat (taste good!)

One of my biggest hangups in organizing my life and meals - is that it is SO hard for me to meal plan.  it always has been!  Now if you take away all of my "regular" food and "comfort food," I become paralyzed...  with no clue what to make for dinner.  My plan is to test and try a whole bunch of recipes over the next month.  I will evaluate them, then keep only the ones that meet my criteria.  After 2 months, I should have more than enough recipes that I can just rotate through them and not have the battle of trying to figure out something to eat.  

My over all goals:  Yes, I want to lose weight.  By all current medical standards, I am too heavy.  But I am aware that a number on the scale does not accurately reflect the level of a person's health.  I want to lower my cholesterol numbers and  hopefully never have to deal with diabetes.  I want the pain in my joints (knees especially) to decrease (or go away all together).  I want to be able to hike and walk up stairs without getting out of breath.  I want to live at least another 25 - 35 years in a healthy, active way.   So my hope is, that as I strive to eat good, healthy, nutritious foods, I will accomplish my HEALTH goals, and the hope is that the weight will naturally go down in the process.  I am hoping that writing about what I am learning, doing, and experiencing, will help me stay focused, AND help me process and remember what I am learning and feeling.  

Just in the fact of opening this blog back up (which I haven't done for years...)  I went back and read some old posts, and I remember that I enjoy expressing myself and my thoughts through written word.  It helps me think and see more clearly; plus, as I look back, it helps me remember.  Will it work?  will I stick with it?  Who knows.  But I have to try.  (I know, in just my cursory glance at past posts, this is not the first (or even second or third) post of this kind.  But maybe THIS is the time???  I am hopeful (and prayerful) that will be the case.) 

I don't know if anyone will even ever see what I write here.  But since this is for ME - it really doesn't matter.  

If anyone DOES read this - and you made it all the way to the end.  Wow, I'm impressed!  

Have a blessed day.