i'm trying

today was a little better.  I know that when I feel in the dumps I tend to do nothing - just lie in bed, (usually eating) watching  TV or reading  or whatever,  but then I just end up feeling more guilty because  I'm not doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing...  Today I took a walk with Caleb,  it was a beautiful day, and we hiked up on the mountain for about 45 minutes, then after he left for Kindergarten, I set the timer and worked hard for a full hour.  I know it isn't much,  but it was  good for me.  then  I got to turn  on t he tv and  watch while I tried to dig  into t he piles in the master bedroom.  (AKA family dumping  ground)  The kitchen got clean, and I made great progress on my room (about 90% done - should be able to finish tomorrow)

I did a tiny bit towards my calling - helping introduce our new activity leader, Sister Settle, to the girls and other leaders.  I think that will  be a good fit.  Then I made dinner and after dinner we took the kids to the rec center -  not to swim (wrong time of the month for me) but they played racquetball (after a manner of speaking...)  pool, shuffleboard, rock climbing, and on the indoor playground.  we stayed longer t han we planned, and the kids got to bed later, but t hey had fun.  I want to do more things for "fun" as a family - but I find I often  ruin the experiences by being so uptight and  ...  I  don't even know...  Tonight I  blew it by losing my temper at Aaron - he tends to push my buttons the most, (might have something to do with  being a  teenager)  and I totally over-reacted.  I snapped at him (in front of his friend  Luke, who came  with us) after  Caleb got hurt - trying to "race" aaron while jumping from these cement rings in front  on the rec.  Caleb missed a  jump and  fell, hitting his elbow and crotch hard - and narrowly missed hitting  his head on the cement wall.  I apologized, and hope he  forgave me, but it makes me feel like  I negated  any good done by having "family fun time."  It is just hard.

In a tiny piece of good news.  I've been using the free calorie counting site - myfitnesspal, and have logged in for 31 days in a row.  (a new record for me, and an accomplishment I am proud of.   I have dropped  a few lbs,  from 177 down to 173.  It is SLOW going, and I sure wish the weight would drop faster, but  I am trying to be content  with the knowledge that I am making progress and making lifestyle changes...