I believe in "points for trying"

(still no baby, in case you were wondering...)

I have a friend who is pretty obsessive/perfectionist - you can pick the term. She is the type of person for whom everything has to be done the RIGHT way. She is on medication for depression and anxiety, and even with that, many days she feels overwhelmed by her life. I had a little experience last night that made me think that I should give her more credit for the things she does get done... I thought I would share the experience with you -

Bryan loves to get into my closet, find my bathrobe, and then drag it around with him and snuggle with it. He'll curl up at night with it over his head. (I always try to remove it because I worry that he'll get it wrapped all around his neck and choke himself with it.) I decided that for Christmas I would make him a blanket - one side a soft, warm, flannel type material, and the other the cool, silky feeling (like my bathrobe) material. Now, I should tell you that I am totally a NON SEWER! I took the 8th grade required HomeEc class, doing the required sewing unit. On the day we learned to thread the machine, I just wrapped the thread around every little part I could think to wrap it around. The teacher came running at the smell of smoking parts. I got through the class, but my lines were never straight, and I never felt confident in my sewing abilities. That has remained my feeling to this day.

SO - I sat down last night to sew this blanket. I figured, "how hard can it be? It's just two squares of fabric and I'm going to stitch them together." What a nightmare! I still don't know why, but for the first hour, the top thread kept breaking. I threaded that machine at least 25 times. I am NOT exaggerating! I was getting SO frustrated. I ended up taking part of the machine apart to figure out if there was something jammed in the tension knob thing, since that was where the problem seemed to be coming from. (I would have been much more comfortable taking wood shop and auto shop in Jr. high - it's much more to my liking to take things apart to try to fix them and to build things - I LOVE power tools!)

Now, back to the story. I ended up needing to wind a new bobbin and so I changed thread at the same time. For some reason this seemed to fix the problem and I was able to finish up the blanket. Does it look fabulous? NO! Are the stitching lines straight? HA HA! Is it square? NOPE! (makes it a little trickier to fold, but I figure it won't be folded very often anyway...)
Do I think that Bryan is going to LOVE it and snuggle with it and that it will become a treasured memento of his mommy's love? NO - I think he'll keep getting my bathrobe out of the closet.

Even as I was sewing and these thoughts were running through my mind, I thought "but at least I get points for trying." That started another train of thinking. Points from whom? Do I really think there is someone somewhere - marking points on some score chart? Do I really think there is some point quota that we have to reach? No. Then what do I think?

What it finally came down to was that I think we are expected to TRY. I believe that we were sent to earth to experience life. To try new things. To do things that maybe we aren't really that great at. I believe that we don't have to be great at all the things we do. We just have to give it a shot. We just have to try. I won't even say "do our best" because I'm sure that if I wanted to take the time, I could have spends hours and hours and day and day working on this little blanket for Bryan. But the fact is - it doesn't really matter. Having straight stitch lines wouldn't mean that I love Bryan more. It would just mean that I took that much time away from doing other things that are probably more important.

As I thought about my friend while I sewed last night - I realized that if I viewed things the way she does - that nothing is good enough unless it's "perfect" - I would never do anything. I would be paralyzed by my perfectionism! I would constantly be afraid to do anything because I would know I just wouldn't be able to do it "right." I acknowledge that sometimes I go to far the other way - that I settle for "good enough" instead of pushing/encouraging myself to be better. I know there is definitely room for improvement in all areas of my life, but I am confident that the Lord doesn't expect me to be perfect right now. While I am sure he would like to see a little more focus/effort on "improving," I am confident that he is pleased with the fact that I keep trying. That I keep doing . That I keep experiencing and enjoying life.

The "flylady" motto for 2007 has been "progress, not perfection in 2007." I truly do believe that while there isn't some great scorecard somewhere with a full time scorekeeper, we do get "points for trying." Some days we fall far shorter than others - but we get points for getting up and trying again.

So - I'm going to get up and go clean the bathroom. It certainly won't be "perfect," but it'll be better than it is now. And then I think I'll spend some time playing with my children. (the kitchen floor has been sticky for 2 days now, I think it can wait a few more hours.)