Be still, and know that I am God

So, I had a dream last night, and as I reviewed it in the morning I think it was, if not an answer to a current challenge, at least a direction to go in.  This is probably more personal than blog worthy, but as this is my journal... C'est la vie

As a prologue: I am currently in the midst of a personal challenge in which I do not exactly understand or agree with a decision that is being made by my bishopric, regarding me and my current YW calling.  It is extremely frustrating to me and has left me feeling hurt, unappreciated, under valued, unwanted, and ok, I'll say it... really quite ticked off!  Even as I say that out loud, KNOW THIS - I sustain my priesthood leaders, I am praying for patience and understanding, and even without clear understanding, I WILL DO what they ask me to do.  (I just happen have this insatiable need to understand WHY... and sometimes those answers are a long time in coming.  And let's be honest, I have more than my fair share of PRIDE and tend to be a bit of a control freak in many areas)

another piece of prologue:  about 8 years ago I served in the YW program in this ward, and while I hope that I helped all of the girls in some way during the time I served with them, there was one girl, I'll call her DEE,  in particular who I felt was the reason I had been called at that time.  She was walking the line - shaky at best in her testimony, and making decisions that would not take her down a path of true happiness.  I watched her grow, and I was privileged to see her make the crucial decision to choose to "stay on the path."  Once her decision was solid, I had the strong impression my "job" was done.  Sure enough, about 3 or 4 weeks later I was released.  How grateful I am that I could play at least a small part in helping this special young woman. I love her dearly. I was blessed to be there in the temple as she was sealed to her eternal companion, we are still in touch and she and her good husband are raising their little family in the gospel.

NOW back to my dream.  In this dream, Dee and her husband had gone hiking and were lost on the mountain.  It had been several days, lots of search parties, but no luck.  I was out on the mountain searching and I had in my mind a plan of where it made the most sense to look.  I was heading that direction and was certain I would find them.  Then I stopped and realized I hadn't asked for the Lord's direction.  I stopped and did so.  The scene changed, and we were now on Y mountain.  (dreams aren't really supposed to make sense, right?)  I was standing on the Y and was impressed to just simply walk a short distance to the south.  There they were.  Dee and her husband, injured, but they would be fine.  They were right there, easy to see, and it made no sense that they hadn't been found.

End of the dream.  I woke up and though about all the silly, random things in the dream (many unmentioned above) that didn't make sense, and what was going on in my mind that would cause me to dream about that.

Then the thought came that sometimes (ok, most of the time) I am pretty sure that I know exactly what the RIGHT thing to do is, I know what the Lord wants done, and by golly - I'm going to get it done!  When I was set apart for my calling I was told that one reason I was called was to "be an example to the other leaders of how to roll up your sleeves and get to work."  I have honestly done my best to do that.  I have looked for things that needed to be done and I have done my best to DO them.  I have worked hard to be a moving force (hopefully for good).  Perhaps I have tried too hard to be and do too much.  Perhaps it is time to slow down and let the Lord take the reins.  I believe that right now the Lord is trying to teach me that HE is the moving force, I am simply a tool.  HE know what needs to be done and I need to let HIM lead.  I don't have to understand, I just need to ask for guidance and obey.  In short, I need to follow the counsel, "Be still, and know that I am God."