a painful goodbye

Today I was released from my calling as Primary Chorister.  I have served in that capacity for a long time, over 5 years.  It is amazing to me to think that the kids in Junior primary have NEVER had anyone but me.  (except for the very few times I've gotten a sub)  The kids in Senior primary... they don't remember anyone but me.  My kids, all but Aaron, have never had any music leader but me.  Aaron was only 5 when I started in that calling.  IN other words, I AM primary music to those kids.

And I LOVE them!

When Bro. Farr called me in last Wednesday and told me they were releasing me from Primary, I couldn't help myself, I started to cry.  I couldn't speak, just nodded my head when he gave me my new calling (another post to follow).   He then said they wanted me to still do the music for Sunday to give the new person another week to "catch her breath."  That was one of THE hardest things I've ever had to do!


My kids saw me crying when I got home that night and they knew where I had gone...  Katrina sobbed herself to sleep that night, she literally cried for over an hour...  broke my heart even more.  Aaron stated that he was "never going to church ever again!" and that he was going to get all of the senior primary kids together and convince them to raise their hands when the bishopric member asked if there was anyone "opposed."  I talked to him quite a bit about it all, and SOME of it sunk in.  He didn't rally anyone else to join his rebellion - but when the "opposed" question was asked, his hand shot up, straight and sure!

Trying to look at the kids and sing with them was nearly impossible.  How much I am going to miss those little monkeys.  They were so much FUN to be with.  I loved their off the wall comments and random thoughts.  I love their enthusiasm and energy.  I love their simple and sincere testimonies and desire to learn and do what is right.  and that was just junior primary.

Saying good-bye to the senior primary about ripped my heart out!  I know that every calling has to come to an end at some time, but it's like I told Tim (when he was mocking me for crying so long and hard about it) ...  In order to really magnify your calling, you have LOVE those you are called to serve.  That same love that helps you serve well, means that when it comes time to move onto a new learning adventure, your heart gets broken.

I LOVE MY primary kids, all of them.  (the 110 children currently in primary, plus all of the ones who have moved up into YM and YW and moved away over the past 5 +  years.)  I cherish the time I have spent with them, learning and singing testimony building songs.   I pray that they will remember the many messages and testimonies I have shared with them, and that during times of heartache or trial, the words and messages of the songs we sang together will comfort and lift them.

I am taking the liberty of copying the facebook thread about this tough day and I'm pasting them here so that I will have them in my journal.  You DO NOT need to read these - they are totally just "stroke my ego" kind of comments...  I worked really hard for many years in that calling, and hearing that I did well and that I will be missed validates me.

my original facebook post: 

Tough day. I have a headache from crying so much. After 5+ years of being the primary chorister, I was released today. It was hard. I love those children SO SO much!!! and I love the power of the primary songs in helping build their growing testimonies.
Looking forward (with mild trepidation) to the next adventure... Beehive Advise...r/ Camp Director. Ready, Set, GO!

 responses: 

• Jeri M ‎(the mean trick they pulled was releasing me...but still having me do the calling for one more week... talk about TOUGH! trying to sing while my heart was breaking, the tears were falling, and my voice kept cracking... not fun!) Nicol - you will do a great job!
  
• Kristina W Jeri, I miss sitting in the back learning the songs from you. You are the epitomy of what I try to be when I sub as primary chorister. God bless you in YW!
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  Kelly W Holy cow, I never thought it would happen. You were fabulous as a chorister and you'll be fabulous as advisor/director.
  

  
  
  

  Allison J You will be a wonderful Advisor/Director. I guess those girls need to hear your wisdom, Jeri!!
  
• Corinne  Congratulations/condolences....as necessary. ;-) You'll do a great job, as always. (((HUGS)))
  
• Charlotte Aww Jeri! That's rough, rough, rough! You'll be GREAT in YW, and I know you'll love those girls within a week or two, but I feel your pain at leaving Primary behind.
  
• Jeri M -  Charlotte - I already love most of them. all but 4 of the YW I had as Primary kids... (those 4 moved into the ward already YW...) The Laurels in there right now??? It was my first year in primary when when we sang them their "goodbye songs..." and passed them on to YW's. how times flies!
  
• Nicol B -  Jeri, you are going to be wonderful, of this I have no doubt. But I swear if they call me to be the camp director after you it will probably be the first time I ever turn down a calling. "I'm sorry, Bishop, but Jeri is just too good to follow twice!!"
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  Sarah B I'll admit I was mildly jelous when they called you! You will be SO good for those girls! Camp is going to be AMAZING!!!!
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  Tanya D You will have such a blast at camp. The planning is fun and watching the girls on the last night is awe inspiring. I loved every minute of that calling. You will be so awesome. Hands down.
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  Theresa M Hey! Now we can compare notes! You'll love it, but I understand how hard it is to leave something you love doing. :-)
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  Harmony P Some changes aren't easy, but I have a feeling you're going to rock this next adventure too. Lucky YW!
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  Michelle C You'll do great. You always so good with the youth.
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  Julie L B Wow, we would have loved you as chorister in our ward, especially because I've just been called as pianist. . . wouldn't that have been a good time? You're going to be awesome at camp, I know you'll love it and the girls will love you!
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  Katie B Jeri, So sorry that you have to move on from the calling that you love so much. It will also be hard for everyone in primary to lose such a devoted chorister. I'm sure the first few weeks will be rough, but then you will find yourself starting to lose the YW as much as the Primary Children. You'll definitely have a great adventure at camp! If we were there, you would be with my little beehive, Jessica. XOOO
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  Katie B PS- Don't forget to bring some music into YW with you. Maybe not too many primary songs, but you can start listening to the YW & EFY music.
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  Jennifer S The kids will miss you. Sadie was sobbing when i picked her up from Primary and couldn't stop until we were half way to Farmington. You did a great job and you will be missed! The young women are then lucky ones now! Hooray!
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  Jake F I agree. Your calling was indeed inspired if I do say so myself! :)
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  Jeri M ya - it was a pretty AWESOME bishop that made that particular calling...
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  Anna K Changing church callings can be so hard!! Good luck with your new calling. I can't think of a better person to be working with those girls!
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  Laura L Good Luck on your new calling, Im sure the kids will miss ya too :)
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  Kathy M There's an opening up here! Actually several callings are currently available! We would love to have you EVERYWHERE! You will love those girls..I'm still in contact with mine and went to the Temple with most of them.
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  Damon B You will do great in whatever calling you are given because you will give it your all. Oh and yes we have a multitude of callings available here if you want to come.
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  Lisa T WHAT!!??!! How did I miss this news? (I guess you miss out on a lot of things when you and your newborn are at home hiding out from all the germs). Jeri, you have been A-M-A-Z-I-N-G in your calling!! And will be in your next also! But those kids will sure miss you!
  

  also got this email from another mom:

  Dear Jerri-
  I went in to Emma's room last night after I had tucked her in and I found her crying.  I asked her what was wrong and through her little tears she told me that she was just so sad that you weren't going to be in Primary anymore.  I wanted to thank you for the impact you have had on her.  She has literally grown up with you, and I am so thankful for the opportunity she has had to be influenced by you.  Admittedly I was jealous that I never got to serve in the Primary while you were there.  The few times I subbed I was so impressed with the spirit you brought to your teaching.  Not only did you teach the children the music but you taught them how to apply them to their lives- and they got it! Amazing!  How blessed we have all been by your service.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
  
  Amy