hi ho, hi ho

it's back to the calorie count I go...

SO a while ago, maybe last summer'ish, I decided it was time to get more serious about losing this extra 30 -35 lbs I've been carrying around.  I topped out at around 174.  but the trend was slowing creeping up and up, and I knew I needed to do something before it got any higher.

I had success right way and dropped 5-7 lbs.  then it got harder.  I wasn't on any specific "diet," since my observations have shown me that "diets" don't work long term because you aren't changing the lifestyles, habits, and mental/emotional processes that are the real problem.  I continued to try to eat more healthy foods and eat less junky snacks.  I finally made it down to the 160 range.  lowest weight in at 157, but I usually  bounce up and down between 159 and 163.  I figure that with those numbers in mind, I feel comfortable saying I've lost 10 lbs.  While that is good, and it is progress, I have been at this plateau for too long and I need to see success and progress again...

Tim introduced me to a free online program that helps you count calories.  I happen to really HATE counting calories, but it really does help to see exactly what I'm shoveling into my mouth and how those food choices add up calorie wise.  I tracked really well for a couple weeks, then fizzled out.  Today I have recommitted myself to start tracking and counting again.  If nothing else, it makes me think twice before I eat snacks, cause I know I have to go in and track it.

I have been reading the story of one gal's weigh loss journey on a blog that I love to read and often find very inspiring.  Amber's story of taking back control of her weight and life is inspirational.  I CAN do this... I just need to BE committed and STAY committed to the little steps.

I think an essential part of being able to accomplish this goal of mine is that I need to know WHY it is a goal.  Why is this important to me, or is it really that important???

With that in mind, here are my reasons:

** My family has a history of diabetes.  My oldest bro got diabetes when he was 7 years old.  my next bro got it in his late 20's.  my mom and dad both got in the last couple of years.  My grandma had diabetes.  My sister had gestational diabetes with one of her pregnancies.  I figure I am a ticking time bomb and that it isn't a matter of IF I'll get it, but WHEN.  Every day that I stay over my "ideal body weight" or "healthy BMI"  or whatever scale you want to look at, I shorten the time I have before that time bomb explodes and I find myself dealing with daily diabetes issues.

** I want to set good example for my children.  I want them to be healthy and to have healthy body images.  I already hear my kids saying negative things about their "fat bodies" and I am fairly confident they got that from me!  I want them to know that it is important to follow the Word of Wisdom and to take care of your body, but that it is not about being "SKINNY,"  it is about being HEALTHY and fit.

**  I want to like what I see in the mirror.  I have always struggled with low self esteem and poor  body image.  (having a couple "boys" that I "loved" and thought I would marry, tell me that I wasn't "pretty enough" didn't really help.)  I know that losing weight isn't going to be the "cure" for this.  There are lots of skinny-minnies out there who don't like what they see in the mirror, but I love what Dr. Laura says about self-esteem.  She says that you gain self-esteem by DOING things that are worthy of that esteem.  (my words, not hers)  That if you want to feel good about yourself, you have to DO things that will help you gain that self respect.  You have to set worthy goals and then accomplish them.  I want to look good in my clothes again.  Heck - I want to FIT into my size 12 pants again!!!  (the size 10's seem TOO far out of reach right now)

**  I do believe that our bodies are a gift from God and that we are charged with taking good care of them.  While I do not have any trouble with the "thous shalt nots" of the Word of Wisdom, I cannot honestly say that I live the law, when I abuse my body by taking garbage into it and consistently overindulging, including eating too much of the "good" foods.  There are many blessings promised to those who live this law.  I want to start reaping those blessings.

**  At my last physical, my cholesterol levels came back too high.  I told them that I didn't want to go on medication.  I wanted 6 months to try to lower the levels myself first.  Apparently, high cholesterol runs through my family too...  fun for me!  (I'm hoping that my levels were high because my tests were done at the end of December, and I made and ATE SO MUCH toffee and peanut brittle that month.  We are talking pretty much STRAIGHT BUTTER!  (yummy though)  SO I'm hoping that skewed my numbers a bit :)



I think that is about it.  I know that this has to be a gradual, daily, lifestyle, change, or it won't last.  The reasons are life-long reasons.  (as opposed to something like "I want to be skinny for my 20 year HS reunion"  or "I want to be skinny for my trip to Hawaii"  - I tried both of those and they didn't work.


I want to be HEALTHY for the rest of my life so that I FEEL good, LOOK good, and can DO good.