a new and positive (and kind of "out there") experience

So - I had an interesting experience last week. As those of you who know me are well aware (and those who only know me via this blog are also probably aware) I have been having a really tough time with life for quite a while now. (one of the reasons I never blog) I've been struggling with so many little things that all add up to ... well, I don't know what they add up to, math was never my strong point - but it has NOT been fun! (or good, or healthy)
I have seriously considered (many times) going to the Dr and starting up on some type of anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication. I really do believe that there are times and circumstances where that IS the answer... however, I just never got the feeling that it was the RIGHT answer for me. I have been searching (rather haphazardly and slowly, but I'm blaming that on the depression) for what IS the right answer for me right now.

Several months ago I came across "Calyco Healing" - a modality of "energy healing." I felt drawn to learn more about it. Back in June I attended an LDS holistic living conference, and I went to a couple classes taught by Carolyn Cooper, the founder of Calyco. I continued to feel strongly that this was something that had the potential to help me and that I needed to look into. Last week I finally met with Nathalie, a practitioner in my area, and I had a really positive experience. As those of you who have read my blog for a long time, may recall that a couple of years ago I tried another "healer" type person, (not calyco) but the positive feelings were fleeting - at best.

There is no way I can go into detail into the things that were "cleared" during my session last week - too hard to explain and too lengthy to read if I did try to write it out, (this post is already SUPER LONG), but I found it very interesting AND beneficial. One thing that she tested was to discover my "birth issue." The basic premise with this is that when we are born, whatever emotions are prevalent in the room when we take that first "breathe of life" become a part of us, and we tend to hold on to the belief that those are the emotions that "life" is supposed to be made of. (my inadequate words) So what were "my" birth issues or feelings?

feeling overwhelmed and burdened.

Yup - that pretty much sums up my life. SO often that is how I feel about life. Completely OVERWHELMED and that everything is just another burden to be carried. She "cleared" those negative emotions (plus MANY others) during the session.

While I was there, I can't say that I felt any huge "release" or "lightening" of my troubles, yet as I drove home, I recognized that I FELT better. (it had been a SUPER rough day at home with the kids - and yet I felt energized and ready to go back home and be with them) When I got home, I found I was able to handle everything they threw at me. The messes of the house didn't freak me out. I seriously didn't feel completely overwhelmed by the sight of the dishes in the sink, and spilled cereal on the floor, and the kids fighting. When the kids were in bed and I went in to my own bed and saw the mountain of laundry there, I didn't feel bad about it, or overwhelmed by it, I just was able to sit down and fold for a while - no negative feelings added. It was a really nice feeling - and I made note of it.

So now... 6 days later??? how do I feel?

STILL BETTER! I feel better. I feel more able to separate myself from situations and consciously make the choice how I am going to react to it. I feel less like I "have to" do all the stuff I am "supposed to do." I feel more free to ENJOY time with my kids. We went camping last week to try to have better viewing of the meteor shower, and while the stress of getting everything ready and packed was still there, and I still got uptight and tense and a little short with people, I was able to release those feelings as soon as we were in the car and on our way - instead of them hanging over me for HOURS into the trip (And sometimes into the next day... like they have in the past)

I don't understand how it works, and I'm not saying that life is all roses and chocolate now - it's still life. There's still sibling conflict, and messes, and dishes, and laundry, and stress, and meals to prepare, and and and - - but it is BETTER. I am going back to see Nathalie again today - this time taking my son, Aaron. He struggles with so many things - one of which is depression. I started taking him to see a counselor a couple weeks ago, and I was surprised as to the depth of his pain and sadness. I had no idea he was struggling so much. I am really hopefully that the combination of ME taking care of MY stuff + a session of energy healing to take care of HIS stuff + counseling to help him know how to learn new skills will equal a happier, healthier child who is able to handle life's challenges and enjoy life to the fullest.

One last thing - Once a negative emotion is released, it leaves a void that must be filled with a positive, or else the negative belief (habitual) will just move right back in. Here are two of my new "replacement" beliefs:

I am learning to be a great mother - one step at a time!
Being a mother is a beautiful thing!